My husband just left again for the fourth time. Just like before, he said there was no other woman, but he didn't know who he was anymore, didn't know what he wants out of life anymore, and was not sure if he wanted to be married or not. He said he loves me ,but is not in love with me. He said everytime the spark starts to come back, something stressful happens to squash the feeling. We had been getting along wonderfully, until the past month, when we started having trouble with our teenager.Then, he started acting strange (like he did before he left the other times).<BR>I just found out today that he called the OW last night, and I have a pretty good idea they met at a motel Tuesday night, right before he came home and ended things with me. The OW got married to another guy just two months ago. She obviously is telling him that if he divorces me, she will divorce her husband. He should know better, because the other three times she told him that she was no longer seeing the other guy (they weren't married at that time) & wanted him to leave me. Within 2 wks after leaving me, she told him she couldn't make up her mind between the 2 of them, so he left her and came crawling begging me to take him back. I really don't think she will leave her husband. She doesn't love my husband (or why would she marry the other man), but she wants to make sure that he and I don't end up together. It's all a big game to her. I can't believe he could be so stupid again! Please tell me that he will never be happy with her. Even though he was the love of my life, I can't go through this again. I read him the information about how no contact was essential, and as long as he wasn't in contact with her, we got along fine. I think she will dump him again, and he will come crying back just like the other 3 times. What should I do?

Yell, scream, vent...get it all out...<P>No one can give you absolutes...but the anatomy of an affair is such that if you follow the Harley's approach, it is quite possible for recovery...<P>YOU are what is important right now! It is imperative that you get the help that you need...that you get the hugs that you need...that you get the spiritual nourishment that you need...<P>You MUST give up your worry and control of your H to a higher power....TRUST and BELIEVE that what is suppose to happen will happen in His time in His way...<P>My prayers are with you,<BR>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hi, <P>Here is the writeup on plan a and plan b, I know you said you read this but try again. This time note your heart condition. It is instrumental in determining how best proceed.<P>plan A: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P><BR>Plan B: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html</A> <P>Please read these again. Post your questions......<P>L.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hanginginthere2001:<BR><B>Please tell me that he will never be happy with her. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>HE WILL NEVER BE HAPPY WITH HER!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Hi, <P>Here is the writeup on plan a and plan b, I know you said you read this but try again. This time note your heart condition. It is instrumental in determining how best proceed.<P>plan A: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P><BR>Plan B: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html</A> <P>Please read these again. Post your questions......<P>L.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I have been following Plan A for some time. Not to say I haven't committed a few love busters, but they have been few and far between. The problem has been that each and every time, he has not kept his promise of no contact with the OW. She contacts him and he is very weak. I'm beginning to think he may be mentally ill. He refused to get back in church with me, refused to get back in counseling, and refused to take anti-depressants (whch was advised by a counselor he saw a few times). Where his feelings are concerned, I think he deserves what he will get. However, the OW is now married, and sooner or later her husband will catch them. I'm afraid my husband will wind up either dead or in jail for killing the OW's husband.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:<BR><B> HE WILL NEVER BE HAPPY WITH HER!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks! I needed to hear that. Sometimes that's all that gets me through.

Please do not look at it as "hard work for Nothing".<P>You are working on yourself - this is a positive thing for all other relationships as well. What you have learned in MB can be used in other places in life as well - it is just not for your H - it is for you.<P>We (the BS) have to come to the realization that we cannot make him/her love us. Something along the way was wrong, and some other piece fit into their puzzle. Work on yourself, and pray that your S will see you for the good you, and make the appropriate decisions. Your Plan A is for something.<P>Yes, we wish our S were not so weak, I do not know why it goes this way - It is immature - and we suffer great pain. Do the best you can. I can't say don't worry about what he will do, because I know you will; you just cannot be responsible for his actions - he has to be responsible for them. Take care, aftershock<P>