I'm now separated from my wife for 9 months. She left me for another man, but never had the guts to really break up or tell me it's over with us. She will tell other people that she wants a divorce of course and she seems to be in control of her life. But to me she says she's not yet completely sure. When I ask her, where we are going from here, she doesn't say anything. It's very weird and abstract to see her like that. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong psychologically with her. I know about the fog, but this seems to get really extreme and long.<P>I did plan A for the few days when I still could. After she left me I sent her flowers, letters and gifts. Three months ago I stopped doing that, without telling her why. I haven't had any contact since. Other people have the impression that she is happy, when I meet her I realize she wants to appear happy, but she is very confused.<P>Lately a friend of ours told me that my wife's mother is telling people that I would be gay and that's why my wife couldn't go on with me. When I first heard this I had to laugh. This is so incredible. I would have never thought that she could go that far with telling lies. If she is in control of her life, why can't she just take responsibility for her actions? Instead she blames me in a very ridiculous way. I'm shocked to realize that she lies to everyone, including herself. The freakiest thing is that she seems to believe her own lies, no matter how stupid they are. Now, how do you talk with somebody like that? <P>She must be in such a confusion and the guilt is eating her up inside. I feel really sorry for her. Being the bs is very tough, but I would never ever want to be in my wife's place. She is destroying everything. Her life is a mess. I wish I could help her, but I can't. I think this is not so much about the OM. It's about her. She is rebelling against everyone. I don't know her anymore like that, but I want to believe that somewhere there is something left of my wife the way she was once.<P>She is telling different lies to everyone. The wildest so far is that I'm gay. She told other people that I didn't allor her to watch TV. But I was usually the one that wanted to watch more TV than her. Besides we didn't own a TV. She says she doesn't like to travel. (We were touring musicians). As long as I have known her I wouldn't know anything else than traveling that would make her extremely happy. How can she live this life in lies? It must be very exhausting. <P>All these lies hurt and are confusing, but I realize as well, that she is not in her "normal" state. She is deceived and confused. If one day she will come to her senses, maybe then our marriage can continue. I definitely have to plan B, because it is getting more and more difficult to love my wife. I would have never cared about her, if she would have been this kind of person when we were dating. It's such a nightmare.<P>At least I'm doing a lot better. I like my life. I have peace with God. My life is not a mess. I know who I am and I know where I'm heading to. With or without my wife.<P>peace to all of you<P>Mike<BR>

Everything has been pretty much the same here except she hasn't said I was gay yet. I think my EW also is very confused and almost seems to be self destructing it was her choice to do all she has done, the funny thing is I didn't resist her I just let her make her choices and do what she wanted and now she says how unfair it is that her life changed and mine didn't, DUH!!!!! where was she when I could sleep or eat for 3 month and could barely get to work I am lucky to still have my job. she made all Her choices said she was so happy and found the love of her life, Now it is my fault that she is miserable again. I choose to stay away from her pain and cofusion because it is not good for me, I do pray that some day she come out of the fog and then perhaps we will be able to talk until then I still pray and work at forgiving her for all she did and I work on myself and improving my life day by day<P>

I know how you feel. My H will say when he's out of the fog,"I was crazy to almost lose the best thing that ever happened to me." However, when he slips back into the fog, he says things like "all of this is your fault". I think he can't live with himself for what he's done, so the only way he can deal with it, is to try to convince himself that his actions were justified. This time he's going to find out he really has lost everything.