Well,<BR>I guess my confrontation with the Dr. proved to be too much for him to handle and two weeks to the day, he told his wife about the A. She said he told her it was a one-night stand. I tend to doubt that b/c of everything else but I did not tell her different. She said he is very remorseful and wants to work it out with her through counseling. She also said that he would even move if needed to get away from my W, if she did not leave her job. I let her cry and talk and told her that I would talk to her today in more detail. It sounds like they really want to work it out.<P>Should I tell her everything or just let the other stuff go?<P>He is such a slime, he still lies to her about the A, I wonder if my W and him are still seeing each other?

Tell her everything.....but also make sure it is really his wife, ws can be very devious.

Oooo - good point snl.<P>Tell her about MB, too. In my case OM's wife was not capable of applying MB principles, but then again, her H didn't confess.<P>Good work, GC. We're with you all the way.<P>What do you plan to do re: your W? Seems you should let her find out on her own, but be ready to support her.<P>WAT

SNL,<BR>She left me a message and I called her back at his home and b/c I have talked to her in the past. So I know it's her. She seemed very sincere about her marriage working out and that the husband seemed sincere as well. But as we all know they can be decpetive and he could be giving her a line of BS.<P>I think the only reason that sh called me was b/c I told my wife yesterday that I should file the lawsuit against the OM b/c I felt I had nothing to lose. I think she then told him and he told his wife to call me. She asked several times about the suit and asked me not to file it. I think I am going to file and use as bargaining tool just in case.<BR>What do you all think?<P>WAT,<BR>Not sure about telling my wife yet. Her car broke down today (battery) so I told her I would come by at noon and fix it for her (meeting EN's) and maybe I'll tell her then.<BR>Although my counselor told me yesterday after hearing all of this that I should stop talking about anything that has to do with the A to my W. This is getting more dramatic by the day. What a soap opera!<P>Should I file?<BR>Should I tell my W?

Shoot, you wanna hear a soap opera?<P>File and tell?<P>No, and no are my knee jerk answers. IMHO, I think it's always a good idea to not threaten to do anything you aren't darn sure of. Even then, don't threaten - it's incendiary. Follow the advice of your counselor about talking to your wife.<P>WAT

sounds like you have the id covered, but one can never tell. I would discover her physical appearance, and have 1 face to face to be sure, but that is just me (ex-military).<P>re the suit...you are in foggy legal territory, get expert legal advice, and don't file unless you have a reasonable chance of winning....in other words, don't file just to harass or manipulate people, it that is your reason, I would divorce you too. So the answer has to be, what is it you want? I am a proponent of alienation of affection lawsuits, I think they bring a necessary balance back to a society that has too few consequences, (albeit a tough judgement call for the jury, still think it can be done, especially if the focus is on activity after a no contact boundary has been reached).<P>I suspect the om has told his wife you will get everything and she and the kids will have to live in the gutter...in a pathetic attempt to manipulate his wife to enable his affair to continue.....while no doubt promising her he will stop.....she (the wife) really needs to come here and get educated. I consider myself pretty ethical (and so is ow), but the stories I read her continually astound me, I am almost ashamed to be a ws on that basis alone.<P>I would tell wife, acknowledging that even though being secretive might be a better strategy for you, you think the cost of violating radical honesty is too high. That you know she can use this against you if she wants, but you still prefer her to know you can be trusted to be honest with her about stuff, and your feelings. This is hard to do without being manipulative or LB so plan your stuff carefully.....but honestly, no manipulative motivations allowed.<P>There is a common thread of concern that one should avoid at all costs confrontations with ws. I don't think that is true. Avoid manipulative confrontations at all costs, but you can and should act in commonsense ways that are about you, we know the difference even if we rant and rave, it won't work against you, and in general we admire your take charge attitude much more than your woe is me attitude (remind me to post about that in a seperate thread). The trick is to do it in a calm, methodical, reasonable manner, not an angry, aggressive, challenging manner....ya know?

SNL,<BR>Thanks again! Well just this morning, my wife called and her battery was dead so I went and jumped it off for her. We then went to get her a battery (she bought). After that, we went to lunch (I bought) and we had a great lunch. At the end, she said that I hurt her feelings yesterday when I brought up the fact that she hurt her family, my family and our friends and that she was inmature and selfish. I told her that I was sorry but I felt the fact that she did not tell me that she had a problem with the marriage and that she was always making a decision for only herself, it made me think that she was inmature and selfish. I told her that I could not understand why she would not go to counseling for us. I said what is 6 months out of your entire life to work on a marriage that might be great, b/c we have our whole life to be divorced. She started to open up and then clamed back up. I told her about talking to the OM wife and she I asked if I felt better, I said it didn't matter but I know that he lied to her about some of the things. AKA one night stand and others.<P>SNL-why do you think that the OM could be lying to his wife about the A and that it might be going on? What would the signs be that it was going on.