Oh, it all makes sense now. I am so stupid!!! It's the middle of August!!<P>Of COURSE, ugh. I don't know how long I've been telling myself and the counselors, watch out, the middle of August is coming, time for H to get depressed again. Duh!!<P>Earlier this week I was like. Okay, what happened, he went from loving me, being committed, etc. to BLAH. Has no clue what he wants anymore, including if that is me, doesn't love me. etc. Today he says "well, you know, I've just been feeling blah lately about stuff." DING, DING, DING. BAM. No reason, his counselor says something about me just triggered it. Nope. It's the middle of August. Oh, I wish I could share this with his counselor...<P>Last one was mid-June, then mid-April, mid-February, mid-December, and mid-October (that's as far back as I charted). <P>Ugh. I can't talk to him when he's like this. I'll just have to wait for his "down" mode to pass. Should only be about a week or two. Ugh, but that's when school is about to start, so... Eh, not thrilled about that.<P>Oh good. I'm glad I realized this before I went and did something stupid like give him my list of needs and let him know that I need to seperate from him while he is in limboland yet again. His limboland is PROBABLY just from him being depressed again, I need to wait to see how he REALLY feels once he is out of this state. Oh, thank goodness I realized this and didn't jump. It would not be fruitful to talk to him while he is in this state. I still need to do this, but not when he's like this. I need to wait for it to pass.<P>Oh great. That means I'm gonna hear the "I'm sorry, I hate myself, I ruined your life, I wish someone would kill me, I'm a horrible person/father/husband" speech all over again. Eh, I am used to it. Now that I know it is coming, I will just have to remember my husband is not well and do my best to help him through this phase...<P>I cannot get him out of this state, I cannot get him out of this state (sorry just chanting to myself). I must not make him feel more guilty, just deal with it until it passes...<P>Oh man. I can't believe I didn't realize it until now. <P>I just had to share my enlightenment. It all makes sense now. As clear as mud... Oh, this week should be FUN... Not.<P>Do I sound like a pro or what? I don't know, I don't think I could make this stuff up if I tried...<P>I am so happy right now, I can't explain it. It makes sense. Something finally makes sense. I can actually make plans and have a good idea of what mood my H will be in for the next week or two... ah. peace. <P>HbH<P>

HbH<P>This sounds like anniversary depression. Did something happen to him at this time of year... something from a long time ago?<P>I used to do this every year at the end of May ... anniversary of my twin's stillbirth. It has faded over the years to the point that now May goes by much better.<P>If he can figure it out then maybe he can stop the cycle.<P>Just a thought.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I had read somewhere a very long time ago that men actually suffer a kind of monthly cycle that can mirror a womans' cycle. MMeaning, that some men have cycles with hormones' similar to womens hormonal fluctuations during her period and although not all men physically and emotional respond to this some do and it is similar to a woman with a case of PMS.<BR>It was in an actual medical report, my mother used to get them every other month and they were interesting reading while eating breakfast. I never gave it much thoughtagain until yoou mentioned that this seems to happen in the middle of the month and it sounds like alot of months.<BR>I wonder, you sound so frustrated with this mid monthly occurance, is that how men view woman with PMS? Just made me laugh a little really.<BR>Sorry you have to deal with all this though. Hang tough.

No, nothing. No yearly triggers that I know of. No real horrible things have happened in our lives (except for the affair). Just something that happens in his head every 2 months, the doctor's are still trying to figure it out (although I still wish I could share my knowledge with them since I'm sure they have no clue about the 2-month cycle, just the ups/downs...).<P>Well, Mr. Hyde is gone again for now (that is very odd, it only lasted 4-5 days this time, usually it is about a week or two. Maybe that is a good sign??).<P>Oh yeah. My H is all cuddley today, touchy/feely, wants to come by tomorrow morning to be with me. Kissing me on the forehead, exactly the same way before this depression hit 5 days ago... It's so hard for me to adjust... I wonder if this means he'll SAY he is committed to me again. Hmmm...<P>He started talking about moving to VA and how he's looking forward to it, and other stuff, and I'm just totally baffled. It's like the 5 previous days didn't even happen where he was like "I don't know what I want", "I'm going to school and you have to deal with it even if you don't like it."<P>Man, it's so weird to finally see this happening before my eyes and realize what it is... Hmmm... I did a good job this time of just ignoring my H when he was in this phase (actually, he did a better job of running away, but at least I didn't follow him around, I just let him go). Maybe that was best since it kept us from really fighting when he was in his depressed mood... I don't know, it was so frustrating at the time cuz' I wanted to talk and he wouldn't make time.<P>So, Dr. Jekyl is in the house. Let me see, he'll typically be normal for like 4-5 weeks, then moderately high for a week or two, then wicked depressed for a week... THIS IS MY OBSERVATION and I have no backup from his counselor on this yet... Let see how close I hit on this one. It will be tough to distinguish the cycle though since there are so many other things going on at the same time that may just cause a temporary mood swing for a day or two...<P>Wow. It gives me so much peace to finally put two and two together and make sense of things...<P>I still have no clue what I am going to do with this man. So much conflicting data and stuff to try/do. We have to talk at some point, and honestly, I have NO CLUE at this point what on earth, my H is going to say to me. Of course, I can't believe it to be true, but my counselor suggested getting him to write it down so there is no confusion later when he does try to back out of it... That's a WHEN, not if. Just hopefully these WHEN's will be minimized to his more severe mood swings, and not just the normal ones, then eventually gone for good. He's not capable of truly committing to me in the state he is in right now, no matter what he SAYS, I have to remember that...<P>As for me, I have no clue what I am going to do. Part of me wants to just seperate and get away from this turmoil. But, in order to do that, I know it means abandoning him and forces him to deal with this on his own... Very tough for anyone to do. I may need to in order to preserve my sanity though...<P>I can only imagine how difficult this must be for my H. I suppose a part of me feels like I am stronger than him because I think I can take all this pain he dishes out and not have it effect me, but he needs my help to work out his problems, because he's not strong enough... Hmmm... That was tough to admit. I wonder what I can do about that. I suppose if I just let him deal with it on his own and only help when he asks for it, maybe that would help. I will feel like I am abandoning him, but really, I'm not...<P>Hmmm... Guess I have to think about this one a bit more... Still working on digesting BrambleRose's other thread to me.<P>HbH<P>

Shedawg - hmmm.. That's an interesting theory. Actually, a while back (I'm talking years here), when I was on the pill and actually having my period (instead of pregnant or on Depo), my H would get PMS instead of me. He had the cravings and other side effects of pregnancy that I did not have as well.<P>It was very strange, but, that was the way it was...<P>Interesting theory.

Well, I asked my H last night if he was still committed to me, or if he wasn't sure, or if he planned to be committed in 4 months when he moved to VA.<P>His answer was "that he couldn't very well say he was planning on being committed in 4 months, cuz' that would just leave the door open for OTHER things to happen in the meantime and it wouldn't be right. But he didn't feel comfortable telling me he was committed to me because he still had these wide range of feelings about me that confuses him (from love to hate depending on his mood)."<P>ugh.<P>I did say "well, if it makes you feel any better, you were due and your depression happened right when expected - middle of August." I then talked about them being 2 months apart and lasting about a week usually...<P>To my surprise, he just joked and said, so I was a week late with my depression, huh? Sounds like your period, being a week late... He didn't try to deny it or anything like he would have previously, so that was good I thought.<P>I can't live like this for another 4 months. Sigh. I am going to tell him the next time we talk that I am filing for seperation. I made a choice to be done with Limboland a month ago, but now somehow I am back in it, and it's not a place I am willing to be in anymore... mood swings or no mood swings.<P>It makes me very sad, but I know it's something I have to do.<P>I also have to expect that he will probably try to give me JUST enough so that I will not go through with it. I have to stick my ground this time though. I guess it's plan B, by virtue of seperation... I need it for my sanity.<P>HbH