As i sit here typing with tears rolling down my cheeks i wonder if its worth all this pain.<BR>Last night my post was happy because my H sent me an i miss you to text on my mobile today hes been here to fix sons motorbike and he was a stranger cant even look me in the eyes.<BR>I gave no LB or at least i dont think i did i said i did wonder if to sell our 4 wheel drive as i could not afford to run it alone and the tax is about to run out H said whats it worth now.<BR>And i did ask if we could go for a drink but he said he had to get a part off a lorry tonight from a friends lorry so he could put it on his lorry tomorrow, friends lorry is parked not far from OW, anyway i then said maybe i will come and see u later if im bored as kids will be out, to that he replied we can go out for drink and eat tomorrow night if you like so i said ok that would be good, then i said i wont come and see you tonight as i doubt you will be there(think that was an LB) he said i will.<BR>Then he fixed some things and was leaving i gave him a hug and a kiss (holding back the tears) and he went.<BR>But stupid me i had to send text to his mobile saying i had hoped not to feel anything when i saw him but sorry i guess its going to take longer i still love you so much xx.<BR>Is that an LB? no answer from him so i waited a while and sent another saying sorry moment of weakness musy have been the smell of the oil etc (he knows i love it) to that he replied right away i'll get you a gallon of gtx40 for xmas then.<BR>I tried so hard to make out i was doing just fine alone but i guess i failed i just cant seem to get it right.<BR>Im sure ive lost him there just is no love in his eyes.<BR>Why oh why if its her he wants dosent he just out and say it and let me get over it and build a new life, why keep giving me a little hope every now and then its just so cruel.<BR>After 26 years dont i deserve honesty if nothing else???<BR><P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

I guess from all you have read you are well aware of the fog that WS suffer, and it sounds as if yours WS is in this.<P>I think what you say about there being no love in his eyes, from my own experience in the early months (not sure of your full details) you very rarely get any eye contact, let alone love. <P>In answer to your question about LB's, the common theme on here is that these are defined as anything that will upset your WS, so its hard to say, however I know from my own experience of text messaging that I sometimes get told I text her too often, its difficult not too, but I am now trying to do it a little less often, whilst still making sure she knows I'm still here.<P>Have you got a frind you could ring tonight?, or a neighbour to pop round to?, or even play some relaxing music?, otherwise like me read as much as you can on here, and then you realise that what you are experiencing are similar to alot of others. Although this doesn't resolve your problem what it does do is allow you to realise you are not on your own.<P>Take care<P>mands<p>[This message has been edited by mands (edited August 25, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lizzle:<BR><B>After 26 years dont i deserve honesty if nothing else???<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Lizzle,<P>I'm not the regular welcome wagon, but I'll just say I read your post and feel for you. I'm sorry your down right now. <P>I won't pretend to be an expert, but if I've discovered nothing else here it's that the WS hasn't stopped feeling or loving you. They just aren't sure what they think. My opinion is that his inability to look you in they eyes means he has some guilt. He's lost and hurting and doesn't know what to say.<P>But, what the regulars will tell you is to just worry about yourself right now. I don't see anything wrong with anything you did, but you need to stop expecting that he's going to return it right now. If you love him, tell him, but don't always expect that he will say it back. Be happy when he does, but don't be disappointed when he doesn't.<P>I'm sure the others will chime in here shortly. Just hang in there, it IS going to be OK.

Hi Mands its nice to know im not the only english person on here MB has given me new strenght, my original post is in recovery under Heartbroken if you want to read it, i would be interested to read yours if its posted?<BR>Thankyou for reply and yes i also text to much, sometimes mobiles are a pain thats how i found out about the A.<BR>Just out of interest what part of UK are you?<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Hi SAd Thankyou for your reply ive had good advice from lots of people in MB done quite a lot of posting.<BR>I try not to expect to much from H he hasent said i love you to me since Sept 4 2000 and thats what hurts so badly, he can still make love but not love me.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

<BR>If you haven't been on here long there are some welcome posts somewhere, there on one of the boards<P>mands<p>[This message has been edited by mands (edited August 25, 2001).]

Thankyou Mands We may be fairley near not to good at geography im Bristol Area not sure if thats middle more south probably<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Hi lizzle,<P>Just wanted to back up sad_but_true's post about sending text messages and telling him you love him. If you know it is a LB, like I do in my case, you have to refrain from doing it...at least for a while, or not very often.<P>And, if you want to do it anyway, you should NOT expect anything from him...that's Plan A...you are doing it without expectation.<P>I know it is hard not to be told those things, but it is something we must deal with...as well as the not looking at us. GOD I hate that.<P>How long have you been separated? My h finds it difficult to look me in the eye, but he has improved the last week or so. We have been separated for seven weeks, but he couldn't maintain eye contact for about a month before he left.<P>BTW, it's Saturday night here in South Africa, too. I was born in Glasgow, but moved to Australia when I was four, then here two years ago for my h's job. Where are you???<P>I feel lonely tonight, too . But isn't it nice to have this place to visit, and vent a little?<P>Take care, <P>Nina

lizzle,<BR>I've not yet had time to go to the recovery boards to read you r whole story, but if you haven't found those welcome posts I was refering to, I've just found them whilst catching up on a few days reading!<P>They are on this board, on a thread started by HUB called "Husband need advice", dated 23-08-01, timed at 11.58. They are actually on the first reply to this thread by Orchid, she has the links there, so just click on them.<P>If you've seen them already, read it all etc already, sorry for bringing it up<P>mands<p>[This message has been edited by mands (edited August 25, 2001).]

HI Nina im in Bristol area of UK, we have been apart for four weeks now its not an official separation just time apart to give space to sort his head out. <BR>I actualy told him we were over but three days later we talked and we ended up saying we would have a couple of months apart and see where it went, i just wasent handling the A to well i went from plan Aing to physco ***** from hell and H said he didint know what to expect next.<BR>Then the week he left i discovered MB and just wish i had found it 14 months ago so now i plan A as much as possible but still feel like ive lost him and its breaking my heart.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Lizzle,<BR>I'm so sorry. I know what you're going through. (see previous posts). I'm alone now too (for the fourth time)Husband says he loves me. but is not in-love with me. Hang in there, and I 'm praying for you. YOu have lots of friends here.

((((((((((((((lizzle))))))))))))))))))<P>Wow, four weeks seems like a lifetime ago now, for me, and a lot of other posters will laugh at that!!!<P>I have learned two things since being here:<P>1. You have to Plan A as consistently as you can...and this involves all the senses;<P>sight - look great, <BR>smell - his favourite perfume, <BR>taste - well if you can't actually get him to eat with you, at least let him smell his favourite meal cooking, <BR>sound - maybe a meaningful cd in the background<BR>touch - if you can, some can't; maybe touch yourself...no I don't mean like THAT! But there are subtle things you can do, stroke your hair, finger to your lip, etc<P>2. If you LB, let it go, we're not perfect!!!<P>Now, my h had an A in Nov-Feb. I spent a lot of time Plan A'ing, but I could NOT forgive and trust. I finally woke up that it was killing things, and killing me, and I told him I was letting it go, I had decided in my innermost self to trust and forgive him, and that was the end of it for me. Well I was about two days too late, cos he was already involved in A no.2, though I didn't know it at the time...but I STILL forgive him for the first, and I'm working on the second for my own sanity, though it's still going on.<P>For you to really work on things, you must be prepared to forgive, and accept the things in you that made the A possible in the first place...very deep and very distressing, but you will come out a better person in the end, whatever happens. <P>I hope this helps!

Oh Nina im so sorry we seem to have the same story, i discovered my H was having A in March 2000 he made it so i found out i sort all bills and his mobile No had 156 text messages to one No so i rang it and a W answered when i asked him he admitted it saying if you dont get it at the corner shop go to the supermarket, anyway he took a week to think and then said he loved me and wanted our M i went through hell that week (i thought) anyway from then on i totaly changed i dressed sexy could not get enough of him it went from every couple of weeks (due to me ) to every night, morning whatever i was so happy we had a brilliant holiday and i thought i was all he wanted (he said) and then wham 3 months later OW gave him her phone No and that was that totaly smitten ive known since the start but i love him so completely i cant let go.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

I won't laugh at four weeks, we're only at five.

Stinks, doesn't it???<P>But we're here together, and that is really something!!!