I recently went to the questionaires and I plan on printing them out. Have many of you done them? Are they a good thing? Should my H do them also???<P>Any advice will help. Thanks<P>~Heather<P>------------------<BR>"What do you do when the person who usually wipes away your tears is the one who is making you cry?"

Hello SS,<P> Many here will tell you the Questionaires are excellent. I beleive this to be true. However, some WSs refuse to fill them out(such as mine). <P> My advice would be to print them out, explain them to your WS, but don't expect that he will jump for joy at the thought. Hopefully he won't have a problem with them. Just know that it is NOT the end of the world if he doesn't want to fill them out.<P> jd

I forgot to mention, WELCOME. <P> jd

OH absolutely yes, the questionnaires are helpful, but like jdmac1 said, IF your spouse is willing to participate. You know, if they are not withdrawn to the point of not caring.<P>Personally, the questionnaires as well as the information on this site has helped us avoid counseling altogether. It helps to know exactly what your spouse's needs are so that you can begin fulfilling them with all your might.<P>It is also very helpful to discover your love busting annoying habits IN ADVANCE so you can avoid those. Oftentimes we read about how marriages were going along fine and suddenly there is an affair due to problems that the BS did not realize. <P>Actually affairs have nothing to do with WSs unmet needs, but lots of WSs blame BSs for not meeting needs instead of admitting their own weakness. For example, WSs weaknesses like: Open and honest communication, for one; fear of spouses' reaction to their truths for another; which leads to protection and/or conflict-avoidance lying--yet another!<P>If your spouse is open to the questionnaires, the only other suggestion to offer is maybe go through them bit by bit so as not to overwhelm each other, like maybe 3 or 4 topics per date. Harley has extensive accompanying information that covers each section of the questionnaires. <P>You're both going to need time to process each other's ratings of your performance, as there will definitely be many "lightbulb moments!" Go for it!