Okay here's the deal, I have been making some replys tonite and if anyone read them you could see that I have given up.My ? tonite is this My problems in my M began July 2000 there was no knowledge of A until a year later, I did not find MB until I found out about A. I was doing everything that planA says to during that year, but didn't know anything about MB, am I making sense?? I hope so, anyway I have decided to let go and move on emotionally I am not seeking a attorney or anything just need some peace of mind, I feel the only way to do that is to detach from him. I keep reading posts that say don't give up keep trying PlanA planA and it all sounds great but if the WS doesn't want anything to do with you how can you planA without looking like your begging him/her not to leave?? can I plan b with him still living at home? he says he is leaving but he has said this before. This is all so confusing, I am probably not making any sense. How long can you go on doing planA while you wait for WS to make a descion??? If it were up to my WH he would never make a decsion, why should he he has the best of both worlds as they say he has his cake and eating it too. I can't stand this anymore. Can anyone relate?? I have e-mailed my H (even though he is living home I hardly ever see him so its easier this way and there are no LB) telling him I am moving on with or without him and that I want to rebuild this marriage but he is showing no interest at all and its been over a year and we cannot live this way anymore its not healthly for the kids or us. I don't know what his response will be he may not even respond that would not surprise me. Anyway I am starting to feel physically sick I am losing weight and not even trying, thats a frist for me..HA HA. Thanks for letting me vent Love Sally

You're right. You need plan B. You need to protect yourself. You know you're ready. Even I can sense that in your post.<P>Now, how are you going to go about doing it? I honestly cannot see how you can plan B while living in the same house. I for one, had kicked my H out when I first found out about his EA. It wasn't a PA yet, but he said he wanted out anyways. I just made it happen sooner than he expected.<P>This is probably against MB principles here (although I don't think it states info on this type of situation anywhere), but what would happen if you kicked him out of the house? He says he wants to leave, why not give him that push he needs? IMO, it's a tough love move.<P>What about moving away with the kids? Is that at all possible? IMO, it should be HIM that leaves, after all, it's him who chose to have the A. Yes, you were both responsible for the environment in your marriage prior to the A, but he's the one who made it happen. Cop out. That's all it was on his part, a cop out.<P>I'm in a bit of a mood tonight, so perhaps my attitude is more harsh than I would like. But seriously, what are your options? What is feasible, both financially and emotionally?<P>Karen<BR>

I have to decided to move on also. I have contacted my attorney. After him moving out for the 4th time last week, and 3 times of his coming back crying, begging me to take him back, I've had it. The OW will never leave him alone. Let him find out the hard way that she doesn't really love him, and that he threw away the real "love of his life".

Well obviously the longer you stay in Plan A with no result the more you will feel resentful. Why wont he move out? Did you ask him to move out to think about what he really wants out of life? <BR>My H did that when I asked him to - moved out for a month staying at OW"s place till she sold it then he moved back home saying he wanted to reconcile but he really didnt. He just needed a couch to sleep on. After that he wouldnt move out again because his attorney he consulted told him moving out is considered abandonment and affects his custody if we divorce. I couldnt move out due to my kids catching the buses to go to school from our house and I have no relatives in this state. So he stayed home and us all miserable.I even began to start feeling emotionally detached from him by this point which was certainly not healthy or beneficial to our marriage. I think if it had gone on much beyond his 2 mo withdrawal period I would have had my attorney boot his tushie out of our house- I checked into this and my attorney said he could have him out within a few wks with some paperwork. When I told H this his attitude suddenly started improving. Check into the legal issues about this in your state. You could always file for separation if not for D. But dont wait too long if you are going crazy emotionally. Cheaters need to wake up to some consequences. Take care- lifeismessy

After a year of Plan A type behavior, and no change, it is completely reasonable of you to move to Plan B to safeguard what feelings you have. You can do the Plan B letter, asking him to move out, or you can tell him that you love him, but can no longer cope with his affair and do not want to have contact with him unless he is willing to stop the affair (no contact with her) and work on your marriage.<P>If you want him out, check with a lawyer...or if you don't have kids, is moving out an option for you?<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Thanks for all your replys, I believe we all know when its time to move on, My WH won't leave because I can get him for abandoment also if we were to D. He says he is leaving in mid Sept. so I am assuming he will have papers for me to sign and an attorney. I am not looking for this to get ugly but I have 3 kids to protect and I am not making them leave there home He can leave. I am definetly detaching from him emotionally I have to I can't take anymore, I don't know how to planB while he is still at home, he works many hrs. so we really don't see each other and when I go back to work next week we really won't see each other. He has to make the frist move to talk to me if there is ever hope of saving the M. Love Sally