Hey guys, need some input here.<P>Back in June, I was going out with friends, and H was getting jealous, and began to spend more time with me. On July 4, we began a discussion about the possibility of us getting back together. Didn't finish the discussion until July 13, when he said he still resents me for not losing weight for all those years, and now I look good. Said he needed time to think about what he wants to do. <P>We spent more time together (nothing intimate) for the next couple of weeks, and then all of a sudden, he stopped asking to spend time. He said he still resents me, and can't get past that. I continue to go places without letting him know where I'm going, but it doesn't seem to have that same effect on him that it once did. I'm not trying to make him jealous, but just trying to make him think. When he asks, I tell him where I was, and generally it's with my family.<P>He continues to be friendly, and continues to ask me to do things for him, but is not showing an interest in working towards something like he was in July.<P>When he told me he wanted me to move my friend's house, he manipulated me by saying that if I didn't move there I could go my way and he would go his. I said, "you mean if I don't do what you ask, it's over?" He said I was being obstinate. We talked calmer, and I asked him, "before I make this decision, is there a possibility that you will come back." He said, "there's always the possibility," but he said it in a way, like, hey - anything can happen, but that doesn't make it likely.<P>He's having knee surgery next week, and has been letting me know what's going on with that so I can be there. He is very careful to let me know that he is not staying at my best friend's house, and that he hardly talks to her at work (they now work together).<P>I don't know what to think about all of this. I get mixed messages. Do you all think he is still trying to get over the resentment, or do you think he has made up his mind, and is just stringing me along so he can see the kids more and be part of the decision-making, and so I will pay off the bills before we break for good?<P>Please advise!<BR>Thanks,<BR>TIG

Tig,<BR>First off, congrats on the weight loss! The infidelity diet is the best one I'VE been on! I've lost 54 pounds since March and I AM feeling good about me on the outside. It seems to me that for some WS's, it's always easier to put the focus of blame back on us. My H continues to deny that anything he EVER did contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. I don't know if it's intentional or not. He call his A the "incident." I have never heard of a 6-month "incident" myself, but there you go. It's about justification, blame, not taking responsibility for their own actions. If he blames you and continues to resent you, he doesn't have to confront his actions. That's just my take. I would say stop worrying about what he's thinking, doing. Work on your own feelings and actions. My H is back home (really wish I hadn't let him come back). Now he says that OW is OUT of the picture and has been for 16 days. He says he knows for sure he could never have had a real life with her. So, now that he thinks the A is no longer an issue, he's back to focusing on ME and what I've done in the marriage. He actually said yesterday to me that "he liked who he was, and he felt no changes were necessary." He's worried about ME being insecure, jealous, etc. forever, and doesn't think that he can live with me that way! It's starting to become almost comical for me. I'm just shaking my head. Sorry I'm probably not much help, but I DO know what you're going through.

Bumping...

Hi TIG,<P>This is a ride you are on, my dear. You are not feeling settled because he is able to bring you up and down. You are not alone. That is what has been happening to most of us here. <P>Are your messages mixed? Yes. Are you reading into them more than you should? Maybe. Do you want to and need to? Yes and maybe. Hm...... <P>There, take a look at your reactions. Ready to jump at any piece of good news or hope? Yes, I know, me too. But you know what? So are the OPs. Hey, are our mates that great that they should be made to feel that everyone wants a piece of them? No. <P>But what are we do to with our emotions? Will we miss an opportunity if we blink for a second? No. <P>So, if you can and want to, let him know you care for him and hope his surgery goes well. You can even ask him what does he need from you? Then you decide what you can or will give him as a result. Don't over do it, just prove it. To the best you are able, no more pressure. <P>He knows you love him, that is a fact. His feelings though are in question, he needs to solidfy them. Give him that opportunity. Be there but don't wear your heart on your sleeve. <P>For me, I have kept up with the bills it is for our family's benefit even though H is getting away with murder since I have been working hard to keep his creditors from catching up with him. They are right near his heels though so it has not been easy. <P>Still you need to take care of yourself. Hope the infidelity diet has not taken off more than is healthy. Watch out for that. <P>Take Care, <BR>L. <BR>