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Joined: Aug 2000
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Rick37 Offline OP
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Regarding my wife sleeping in same bed with OM in front of the children.<P>Her: I knew you'd ask. I had no choice. There was no couch and the floor was too dirty.<P>Me: The choice was yours to bring him, you should have made other arrangements.<P>Her: He was invited to the wedding, so I had no choice.<P>Her again: What difference does it make?<P>Her again: It is none of your business.<P>Her again: Two nights are not going to make a difference.<P>Her again: I had no choice, ask my mother, brother, or sister....they are witnesses.<P>If you think I'm making this up, I'm not. How can one possibly deal with a person that exhibits this kind of behavior. Once again, belligerent, foul, nasty, etc.<P>At least I have witnesses if I ever need to use the information.<P>It is unbelievable. I submitted that it was morally unacceptable, and she said "I'm the same person I always was. Do you think I'd do anything to harm the children?"<P>I'm speechless.

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I know, I know....stay cool....this is only the beginning...<P>It took me a long time to realize it but you have to be flat and impassionate with these fogbound robots. Just remeber, what goes around comes around.<P>My prayers are with you.<P>Jay

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Rick37 Offline OP
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Jay,<P>Thanks. What is the latest in your life?

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If she is the same person she always was, I guess you should have been concerned earlier [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com], because this is just plain wrong AND harmful to the kids. IMO.<P>Did this wedding take place, like in central Wyoming, or western North Dakota, where there actually aren't any motels for hundreds of miles? Why was a free, shared bed the only option? Is the OM a total deadbeat? Can't afford at least one hotel room? He's not a gentleman who would INDEED sleep on a dirty floor to protect the reputation of his "date"?<P>Sorry, Rick, that probably doesn't help you. But her arguement is totally stupid.

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Okay Rick, we all know there were plenty of other options. Your wife is in denial in so many ways. She is in denial that she is in an A, denial that she had options other than sleeping with OM in front of the kids, denial that it is wrong for the kids to see/know about it, denial that she has changed her morals and values. The only thing she didn't deny is that it happened.<P>If the shoe were on the other foot, I wonder what her moral standings would be. If YOU were sleeping with an OP in front of the kids, how would she react. <P>Rick, IMHO I think you should do whatever is legally necessary to protect your children. As your wife will not admit what she is doing is wrong and that leads me to believe there will be more of the same coming in the future.<P>I'm sorry, Rick. Please stay strong.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

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I'm speechless as well. Of course she had a choice! Her excuse isn't even a good one! Oh dear - those moosebrain worms or whatever they are must be hard at work!! Or perhaps we could try to locate the Mother Ship and have her beamed aboard. I don't mean to make light of the situaion, but her response is truly incredulous!<BR>Hang in there Rick!!

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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.<P>In that she had to make excuses, e.g., "the floor was dirty," indicates to me she knows it was wrong, or at least not desirable.<P>The Mothership appears to be in a stable orbit. I can confirm this independently.<P>WAT

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Rick I'm so sorry that you and your children have to deal with your wifes moral ignorance. There is no possible excuse that she could give to make it all right to see your mother share a bed with another man other than your father. What she is teaching your children is that this type of behavior is okay because mommy does it. Please take care of you and your children. My thoughts and prayers are with you.<BR>cybil

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Hi Rick - What can I say? Eventually the excuses they come out with just start to get farcical. Of course, it's inexcusable that your children were witness to this - but in a way it's a sign that she's starting to hit rock bottom and eventually the truth about what she's done will hit her hard. I'm just so sorry that she has sunk so low as to subject her own kids to this - it would be unforgivable if we didn't know about the power of moose-brain worms or the dreaded fog. I only hope she can forgive herself when realisation dawns [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Hang in there buddy,<BR>Paint.

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Rick,<P>I sure know your frustration, anger and hurt. My husband is continuously doing similar things. I just don't understand.<P>You know, if it was a year ago (if he wasn't in the middle of another affair---am forgetting when they took place--old age setting in), and he knew of a situation similar to his, he would have condemned it. <P>Now, he sees nothing wrong with what he is doing. They really lose all common sense.<P>Know this doesn't help very much...but thought I would let you know there is others here in the same boat. <P>Take Care....I really hope your life becomes better soon.

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I'm not surprised that your W responded the way that she did. First of all, she is involved in an affair & flaunting it. That tells you where the state of her mind really is (deep fog). Second, she exposes your children to it, with no regret or remorse at all, even to the point of overnighters (really sick!). Third, she is bringing him as a guest to a "wedding!"<P>Your W has forgotten what weddings are all about. How disrespectful to flaunt her affair at a wedding! Really really sick!<P>Rick, are you going to see an attorney regarding the overnight visits of your W & OM where your children are involved? I hope that you will.<P>Take care of yourself and try not to let your W get you all steamed up (easier said than done, I know). Your W has been abducted by aliens and isn't herself. I hope that she snaps out of that fog before she does anymore damage to all who are involved.

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Rick,<P>Hope you are looking at your options. <BR>

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Hi Rick, just curious to know what you have decided.<P>Your need to protect your kids. Your wife is too deep in the fog to do what is right for them...<P>I am sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve it, and neither do your children.<P>I think they are in counseling, right? How is that going?<P>HbH

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Rick37 Offline OP
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My immediate step is going to be talking to a counsellor that specializes in divorces and children. I have a name of a recommended person from a friend that has been through a divorce.<P>I should have done this before anyway. I will likely attempt to involve my wife at some point, and that should be interesting. I'm just going to talk first, and see what the counsellor thinks. I need to get some guidance in this area, and also discuss how I approach my wife's lying, irresponsible behavior. This week she didn't tell the babysitter that she wasn't bringing the kids to her today, and I had a suspicion, so luckily I called the babysitter. It is just amazing.<P>Legal advice is forthcoming, but I don't think I can do anything about slimeball. I will see what the counsellor thinks about it all.<P>I'm approaching this from the angle that there is not going to ever be reconciliation. The children are obviously priority #1.<BR>

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As for seeing the attorney and having something done legally, I do think that you can prevent your W from having overnighters with the kids & the OM at the same time.<P>There is a member who had the exact problem and was able to do something about it. I can't remember which forum member prevented his wife from doing this. I hope that some of the others here can recall.<P>It wouldn't hurt to look into this. Ask your attorney anyway.

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Rick,<P>my lawyer told me I could stop overnights. My STBX is living with OW, but she has to leave at night. I didn't have to take it to court, once he found out I could block it, he complied, now I haven't asked the boys if she still is leaving at night lately.I don't like asking them questions about their dad's but if I find out she is sleeping there, even if not same room they will find court orders in their faces very fast.<P>I might could had stopped OW being around boys while STBX & I are still married but lawyer told me this is hard to enforce, so I backed down (really didn't like doin so).<P>YOu do have rights, so do your kids. YOu are right your kids are the #1 piority.<P>Good Luck

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Hey Rick,<P>email me at jaybays@eclipse.net if you wish. I'll give you the latest in my life. We have very similar tales over the past year.<P>Jay


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