H called me after his dinner meeting and he was a little bit<BR>tipsy he is not a drinker. He told me he had quite a few drinks and ask me why I freaked out and I said you caught me off guard. I told him that I never ask to be a single parent and he said you were the one that didn't want to be married. Candy you believe that. He then said now you want to be married and you expect me to kiss your A**!! What is he talking about. He said we both made mistakes to get us here and I said yes you're right but I'm the one willing to work on this to save our marriage. He said yeah ok, then he said have to go I have to get up early. What to do you think true feelings or the alcohol? I just don't get him. I'm so confused I just want us to get through this. Any advice on how I can try to convince him to go to counseling? Hewent in the beginning now he seems to have made up his mind that it can't help us.<BR>cybil

Cybil - I think you have to chalk that conversation up to alcohol. And I would be probably concerned that since he isn't a drinker, that he is drinking. Hopefully, tomorrow he will feel so physically bad that he won't do it again, but maybe not. If I were you, I'd call in the morning and see if he is feeling ok, tell him you were just worried, don't bring up tonight's conversation, and then play it by ear. See if he is still of the same mindset. And then go from there. You cannot make sense out of someone's drunken conversation. Believe me, they may not even remember talking to you....<P>God bless you and I will pray for you...<P>EWO

IMO, he told you his true feelings at the time. I personally believe that alcohol doesn't do any talking. Whatever is said while drunk is felt at that time. I think of alcohol as a brain filter releasing mechanism. The more we drink, the more we don't hide what's really going on in our heads. At least that's what it did to me in my teen and college years (lol).<P>I think he just gave you some huge insight. He told you that he never felt you wanted to be married to him. Bingo! There's his justification for his actions. You keep on with your plan A and continue with that safe environment to come home to, and he won't have anything left to justify is actions.<P>As much as you are hurting right now, this conversation is just a minor bump in the road. Keep focusing on your long term goal. Think of how much you've accomplished so far in your plan A (for you and for him). As the saying goes, "you've come a long way baby". <P>Karen<BR>

Topie is right.<P>During this time in your life it is easy to get caught up in the little individual conversations and incidents.<P>It's important to keep your eye on the big picture and treat these things like the bumps in the road they are.<BR>Again, hard to do but necessary or you can drive yourself crazy. <P>Once I learned to do this, it was a lot easier dealing with the day-to-day issues. It allowed me to continue toward the goal of rebuilding the relationship.<P>Good luck<P>E