My husband has been having an affair for about 1 year. One year ago he took a new position in a different state. It took about 6 months for the kids and I to join him. During that 6 month time is when the affair was confirmed to me by the soon to be ex-husband of my husbands lover. Well my husband swears that the he had made changes in his life, he still loved me and wanted us to begin a new life in this city. Problem is the OW lives in this city he so conveniently took this new job. I trust that what my husband tells me is the truth and I agree to leave a job I love, friends, church and our house to join him in this new city.<P>I found out right before I moved completely that they were still involved. Now mind you my kids are already there and being cared for by my in-laws until I finish my job and join them. I seriously consider bringing the kids back to where I am living and make him decide what exactly it is that he wants. I decided to join him and the kids and make the best of the situation. My thinking was that I needed to face whatever I had to face.<P>Well we have been in marriage counseling for about 4 months. We had had ups and downs but seemed to be moving ahead with our lives. Well I was told 8 weeks ago that OW has backed away from the A. I'm so happy that my prayers have been answered, only to find out that they are still talking via phone and e-mail and have met for lunch once.<P>I have read much of Dr. Harley's His Needs/Her Needs but my husband does not seem interested in this website or the reading materials. I have asked him to make up his mind where he wants to be. I am fed up with this marriage with 3 of us in it. He cannot move out because he cannot afford to live on his own and apparently moving in with OW is not an option. He seems to be willing to stay here but I wonder if it is only because of finances or does he really want to be here with the kids and I.<P>Any ideas out there? Am I crazy for tolerating this behavior and disrespect of my feelings?

I would bring the kids back and stay put until he shows you some respect. Don't let him off too easily. Forgiveness should not precede repentance.<P>I have absolutely no creditials for giving anybody advice about marriage - but that's what I would do.<P>-AD<BR>

it sounds like affair is dieing out, and he is still in the fog, keep working plan A and be patient see where it goes, there needs to be no contact with OW, perhaps you can get him to sign no contact agreement. He is in the fog , but sounds like he is comming out. To bad if he can't support himself this is what he wants he can't have his cake and eat it to. take care of yourself<P>

Bambi,<P>you're not crazy at all. There's many of us out here who are in the same boat and feeling exactly the same way. It seems to me that it's often the BS that tries to save the marriage - not the offending party. You want to save something you thought was of value and it hurts when your H shows such a disrespect for you, your feelings and your marriage.<P>It's tough to advise here but if I were you I'd stay in a friendly environment as long as possible. You have a job, you have friends and you have a church which will need to support you going forwards. It does sound like the A is dying. If this is the case, he may start coming out of the fog soon and start seeing you again. If this is the case, you need to be Plan Aing as much as you can. Be as patient as you can with your H and give it time.<P>good luck,<P>- Freddy