Tonight the kids and I stopped by my WH's place because he hasn't seen the kids much this week and they wanted to show him their haircuts we knocked on the door and he was very angry when he answered "WHAT" he said and I explained why we stopped by and ask if he wanted to go get something to eat with us and he said No, next time call first and slammed the door on us. If you could have seen the look on my kids faces. This is not the daddy they know. We went to the car and he came down then and apologized and I was crying. I can't do this anymore I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I don't know how to deal with the hurt.<BR>I am so sad and lonely. I never ask to be a single parent. I don't want to live like this it hurts to bad. I just want to go to sleep. I am crying so hard that I can't even see to type this. I hurt and I'm lonely and I feel so empty inside. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.<BR>cybil

You obviously caught him off guard. It is really too bad the kids witnessed that behaviour in their Dad. He must realized what he did if he went to your car and apologized right away. Perhaps he'll realize the damage he is doing to his own children - who knows?<BR>And, I guess you better call first next time...not to excuse his rude behaviour, but obviously "dropping in" is an LB to be avoided. <P>Okay - so not much great advice. I'm sorry you are hurting. ((((((((((((cybil)))))))))).

Cybil,<P><BR>I am so sorry you are hurting so bad. I wish I could help. Just know that your H was not in the right place tonight. He seemed to realize how he treated you so poorly right away. <P>Know that you are loved especially by your children. <P>I know how bad it feels right now but you will again be happy. It is just such a horrible time right now. I feel for you and hope your H moves away from all this anger. I do not know your story. I will look and follow up with you. I will pray for you cybil. I hope that you can say a few prayers and God will give you strength<BR>Katerbear

I don't know what I need to do at this point. Tonight I took 3 percocet just because I wanted to sleep and not have to deal with my emotions. My H came over and stayed to make sure I was okay I am still not sleeping I just feel more emotional. He is very angry with me. He doesn't understand that I am beyond devasted by all of this. He continues to throw in my face that 6mos. ago I did not care about him or our marriage. He refuses to seek counseling with me or for himself. He said I just push him further away. Tonight I showed him a poem that I has written and he acted annoyed. No matter what I do it seems to bother him. He says he is calling to get me professional help tomorrow. I am not crazy just very emotional. My life has been turned upside down. I love my H with all my heart and soul and he just doesn't get it. He has no clue how much pain I am in over this situation no matter what I do it's just not getting any better. I feel as though if I just stay away or would vanish that would make him happy. Tonight he said that he just wants to be alone that he likes being by himself and sometimes hanging out with us. I can't sometimes be a mother. I can't take much more I can't go on like this.<BR>I am miserable.<BR>cybil

hi Cybil,<BR>I think we all have been where you are. More then likely with different degrees of hurt and loneliness. <BR>I have been VERY depressed, after he left and then I got served. <BR>I told him I understand you don't love me anymore, but I need some time to heal, please give me 6 months. Of course he didn't!! that's when I felt like I was losing it.<BR> I felt like I don't even care to live...I KNEW that I had to go to my doctor and get medicine. I took Zoloft for 2 months, plus reading and talking to friends at church helped. Your going through alot right now.......you have to take care of YOU.<BR>All these message boards really have helped me.<P>I know this takes a lot of time to heal...... but you will get through it!<BR>There are so many wonderful people on the internet that will help you.<P>Okay okay... so you made a little mistake, by going over there. Now you know that you need to call before coming over.<BR>He probably over reacted cause he thought you, were going to be the kind of person that drops over whenever she felt like it. He does have a point for you to call first.<P>Remember this....... how would you react if you stopped over with the kids, without calling and he was with a lady?<P>This is the best way to handle the situation to always call. It will protect YOU!<P>I know my soon to be EX is living with another lady, but thank God I haven't confronted her yet.<P>I didn't want this divorce. but with his lieing and cheating, there really isn't any other way...........but to move FORWRD!<P>Cybil....... be strong for your your children and for yourself. <BR>If you need a break, as for help. Ask a friend or family if they can take the kids for a few hours.<BR>Sometime sleep DOES help.<P>Just know this... God loves you<P>Hang in there.<BR>We are here to help!<P><P>------------------<BR>Sue

cybil - your emotions sound normal and justified. None of this is fair.<P>For your kids sake, please consider avoiding any more unannounced visits. This is the only sure way to avoid the initial confrontation.<P>Hang in there.<P>WAT

Cybil,<P>How are you doing today?<P>L.<BR>

cybil,<BR>I sympathize with the way you are feeling - I know your hurt, pain, anguish, how your heart feels it is being ripped out of your body. I will not say anything to try and minimize that - because I know it is extremely real for you. I am truly sorry. It is difficult because things should be different for you, but they are not. Your children saw and felt something that they will never forget. Your H has to take responsibility for that - I guess in a way you need to also (I am sorry to say). I've seen several say that could be an LB.<P>I cannot tell you exactly why your H acted that way - except maybe to say that - that anger is withdrawal, pain, and fog. Given these circumstances it is predicted responses from the WS.<P>I know how hard these times are for BS's (I was one), and to hang on to the hope of what you want to happen. I like you hang onto hope everyday (sometimes it doesn't take much to send a trigger through my body, and my hurt starts all over again for a few days until it subsides).<P>I hope something changes for you soon. I feel your words, and acknowledge what you want to be and don't want to be. I hope for the best for you.<P>I know it is not much, but here is a (((((( hug )))))) for you. aftershock

Thanks for all the replies. I am doing much better today.<BR>I need to realize that the bad days are still going to be there and know that I have gotten this far and I know that I will be okay regardless of how this turns out. That seems so easy for me to say and even thinking about it I know I truly will be fine. When I am in my emotional state I can't rationalize about anything. I am so overwhelmed that I can barely function. I hate feeling like that. I am so grateful that I have all of you on this site to give me strength and encouragement when I'm feeling down or when I'm having a good day. It means so much to me. My gratitude and prayers are with you all.<BR>God bless,<BR>cybil