My WW went to see OM yesterday afternoon... I could not stop her. I told her how I felt about it, but she went anyway.<P>Well, she was supposed to be back home to do something with me at 7pm.... now going on 7 am and she is not back yet. Also, we were supposed to start going to church together this morning. Ughhhhhhh...................<P>Up until now the only positive I have had is that she comes come to me every night. Now I cannot even say that.<P>I have not cried in a couple of weeks, but am losing it some now.<P>This sucks...

I am sorry you are in this pain. No one deserves this. I have nothing to say that can help. We are here and we all feel for you. take care of yourself.<P>

How heartbreaking. I know you must be going crazy. Keep coming here to vent anyway, that will help. Boy, keep praying. My prayer life has gotten longer since all this. Sorry I don't have any great words of advice.<BR>Mikkey

I'm so sorry. I can imagine the anxiety that you are feeling right now. My H used to do the same stupid disrespectful thing.<P>Please continue with your plans today. Go to church. You will find comfort there.

I'm so sorry, Arthur. My H use to do the same hurtful things. It's so uncaring and selfish. I hope you've gone to church anyway. I have you in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Jo

arthur1234, <P>How are you this evening? Tell us how your day went.

Everyone...<P>thanks for your replies. I was going kind of crazy here, and crying for the first time in a week or two. <P>Well, I sat around waiting, having stayed up all night. (The last time she was to a group event that he was at, she was happy I stayed up for her, so I thought it would be a good idea again. As the night went on, I was too upset to fall asleep)<P>She has OK'd me calling to check on her if I am worried, so in the morning I called and got his answering machine. "Hello, this is ME, I am just calling wondering what time my wife might be home. Thank you."<P>Probably not the best message, but I said it in a polite tone. She showed up approximately a drive's time after I called.<P>She said good morning and that she was sorry. She has some kind of a cold going now, so she said that she went to his place and fell asleep on his couch all afternoon. She woke up about the time she should have left to come home, and started to get ready to leave, but he complained and talked her into going to a movie. (Putting her two hours late to start) After the movie, instead of coming home she went in to watch tv, and they saw part of the game that we were supposed to watch together. Well, she said her head hurt too bad to drive at the time. She said that she fell asleep then on the couch, and woke up periodically through the night, but her head hurt and she was too dizzy to drive. She said she was actually getting ready to leave when I called, but was in the bathroom at the time.<P>How much of this do I believe? Well, it does sound like her. Realisitically, it is over, and nothing can be done about it, so I do not know if it matters.<P>I told her that she could have called me at any point last night and I would have come to pick her up. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere. I tried telling her that she was hurting me badly without crossing into LB land. She seems to understand, but my hurt does not weigh enough to her to stop what she is doing. I guess maybe the better way to say that is that I do not hold enough of a position in her mind to choose me over him all of the time. <P>I did not make it to church, because she did not come home until it would have been time to leave, and I was kind of a mess having been awake for 26 hours. Not used to doing that kind of thing.<P>We took a nap for the morning, got up, did some running around, came home did some stuff. We had a relationship talk last night... she does not mind them as long as they are not too often. once or twice a week, and she is happy with it. <P>She gave me the "when I am with him, i think of him, when i am with you, i think of you, so don't you think i should be with him," line, among others. She also built me up a lot, with all of the things that she likes about me, but I keep thinking to myself "that's nice, but i want you to want to be with me." <P>There were some promising things in what she said, and some bad things. I just try to not understand the full meaning of what she is saying because she is not so sure what she wants herself.<P>Oh, after D-day, she told me and the counselor, that she would not care if I just left. Last night, she said that she would care if I left. I did see that as progress, but am not banking anything on it.<P>Sat. night was torture. I have been doing good taking care of myself and working on me, and even did good that afternoon, but man, was that a pain. Some of you have it so much worse, that I cannot understand how you do it. I look up to you all, and think you are making heroic efforts. For me, I do not know how much more I can take. <P>Well, this reply was way too long... sorry to all who actually read the whole thing.<P>happy labor day <p>[This message has been edited by arthur1234 (edited September 06, 2001).]

Arthur,<P>I don't know how you're doing this. I don't know how I did it either.<P>My H told me one week-end he had a week-end gig on the road (H's a musician). I suspected a lie but went along with it. So I packed him a good travel lunch and sent him on his way.<P>Welp, OW lives across the Narrow's Bridge and 20 miles away. I had a horrible week-end thinking that's where he was .. and you know what ... I was right.<P>He stayed there (OW's house) the entire week-end playing H and daddy to her 4 illegitimate kids. He even played it up by calling me on his way home and pretending he had been driving for three hours ..LMAO! <P>When he came home I had a Turkey dinner waiting with all the trimings. Part of my Plan A is cooking ... lol ... one of my H's ENs.<P>But I was so so so so sooooooooooooooo P/O'd because I knew where he was those two days and NIGHTS! But I never let on, I was very sweet and loving. <P>To this day my H doesn't know I knew almost all of his BIG FAT lies and all his sneaking around. I kept it to my self.<P>Arthur, please know you're not alone in how you feel, it's devistating, it was for me too at the time. Heck, still is when I think about it now. <P>By Harley's principals, you are to continue Plan A until you feel you're starting to lose love for you WS. How do you feel about your wife? Are you losing your love for her?<P>Jo

Arthur<P>I'm sorry for your bad day. Was thinking about you.<P>If you feel yourself losing love for your wife (if she is withdrawing so many love units - MBese - that her love bank is almost empty), it is time to consider plan B to preserve what feelings you still have for her while she works her way out for her fog. And it may be awhile before that happens from what you write.<P>IMHO, if there is a separation, it is she who must move out.<BR>She is the one whose choices have put you in this position.<P>You seem to be thinking clearly for someone so early in this ordeal. Your emotional turmoil is to be expected. You have to stay strong and ride it out. Take care.