Well I tried to pretend I didn't remember it was Anni day (Sept 1, 1985), but as the day went on, even tho I kept myself busy, the fact we would have been married 16 years started to weigh on me. I've been D for 2.5 mos (June 13th).<P>I'm probably the only one who remembers that yesterday was our Anni. I feel stupid for feeling anything, let alone remembering it. I guess I need to look at the last 16 years (21 together) as one really long bad mistake. Yeah .. I'm having a pity party. What a baby.<P>In our D papers my H wrote down our Anni date and year wrong, and he ALWAYS remembered it and celebrated it before we were separated. Guess what most have told me is true. WS's truly become someone else when in an A.<P>I'm pretty down today. I'm told that there is an emotional cycle I have to go thru, [Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance] so looks like the "Depression" phase is back ... ughhhhh.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Jo<P><BR>------------------<BR>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited September 02, 2001).]

Jo, <BR>Why didnt you say something! I'm sorry you are feeling this way, give me a call later OK? Can I make you go out with me this afternoon?<BR>Lora

I just didn't want to admit I remembered, Lora. Feel stupid, like people think I'm supposed to have moved on by now and not cared.<P>I had a few real good cries. You know, in the shower until the hot water runs out. Thanks for responding to me.<P>I need to call Helga and find out about Ry before I can make any plans, I can't dissapoint Ryan again. I'll call you a bit later. Thank you for being my friend.<P>How are you doing?<P>Jo

Hi Jo,<P>Oh hon, I wish I was closer to be able to and go to something with you. I know I am not a good substitute. My cousin and I went to a women's spa yesterday and I had my 1st mud wrap. Made me feel good. Felt a bit silly though, don't quite know how to allow someone to pamper me. Talk about being naive. Work-a-holic to the max!!!! <P>Take Lora up on her offer. Think about all of us that wish we could go out and have a girl's day with you both...... (sorry guys....). <P>Thinking of you and know this was/is a special day, that's ok. I was bent on having a nice time on mine. Not quite what I wanted but it did have a nice touch. <P>I took control of me. That is what I am finding out is important. Those WS's of ours have tried to have their control and ruined their lives. Well now it is our turn and we will not make those same stupid mistakes. If they want to change, it is up to them. In the meantime, take care of Jo, Lora, L. and the rest of us. <P>Have fun,<BR>L. <BR>

Resilient,<BR>Been there..done that...The worst one is the first one. Kind of like looking at an old dream that will never come true. Now, granted..here I am on the boards, 11 years later with the same problem..just changed partners....why would that cheer anyone up? Going through it again...but I guess my point is, that you will survive, you will have a good life and a wonderful relationship one day. I wish I had the info that I gained through this board 14 years ago when the marriage dissolved...I wish I had it when this relationship started going downhill 2 years ago...but like you, I have it now..and it makes all the difference.<P>Jo, you've learned so much about yourself..things most of us don't learn for a long time..you've learned patience, tenacity, pride...all things that have made you a wonderful person.<P>None of this is really coming out right...so just hang in there, and keep going forward with your life..it will really be ok.<BR>T

Hi Jo, Wow, you have amazing strength. What a person you must be. I wish I was closer so that I could thank-you in person for your advice, your support and personally reciprocate by giving you my shoulder. Sixteen years is a very long time so I'll bet your H remembers more than you think. Lots of HUGSSS to you and thanks again for all your posts despite your hardship. <P>A BS SPA day would be wonderful, don't you think? Make it a national holiday...sorry, getting a little cynical since I hate to see or hear anyone in so much pain. <P>My thoughts are with you.

Resilient I'm so sorry that your would be anniversary was a bad day for you. Tomorrow is another day and you will get through this. We're here for you hon. My anniversary is next week 12 years and I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it because I know I will probably be disappointed or upset for some reason. I know I should not expect anything this way I won't be setting myself up but it's so hard. Hang in there. Hope today is better for you.<BR>cybil

Jo, sorry for your pain, I had to do the last 4 on my own duty took him away for the first of those three and this past the 20th he was there but not emotionally, so I was alone anyways. I still celebrated though as I celebrated the 20 years that we had and knew that there probably weren't going to be anymore and I thank God for the good ones that we had shared. I chose to take on a positive attitude. And the one to come this year I think I will celebrate the me that I have become.<P>And you should do the same celebrate the you, you have become, you are such a strong resilient person, you share so much of yourself with so many here and in your life, and we are thankful for you, sorry that you have had to go through so much to be here with us but thankful for the advice and support that you so freely give to us. You do make a difference in peoples lives.<P>Celebrate the you that you have become!!!<P>Dawn

Hey Jo...<P>Don't you even go there!! You have no reason to feel silly, stupid, or anything else negative!! Why should you feel bad about the fact that you gave those years for something you loved and believed in?? It is HIS loss that he no longer has the devoted love of such a wonderful woman!!<P>And besides...now we all have a reason to take you out for hot fudge sundaes!! (like anyone needs a reason??) <P>Hang in there lady!! You are awesome!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Resilient...<P>The beauty of time is that helps us to eventually erase the 'bad' memories and amplifies the good...focus on the good memories...be greatful to God for them and that He will be there for many more good memories...<P>BELIEVE...HAVE FAITH...<BR>[[[[[[[[[[[Jo]]]]]]]]]]]]<P>Cali<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Resilient,<P>You do not know me, but I wanted to tell you that your post made me cry. I am so sorry for your sadness. <P>IMHO, I think it would be unusual if you did NOT feel sad, not that you do. You have suffered a great loss and the wound is too fresh. You are aware of the grief cycle, but the knowledge that what you are feeling is normal doesn't make it hurt any less.<P>Take care of yourself and let your friends support you through this.

Well, Jo, if you're only half the person I think you are, you'll ALWAYS remember. We have to so we can learn from it - good things and bad.<P>If it's any consolation, each year I was on pins and needles wondering if my wife would remember ours. It was like she didn't want to remember. One year recently I brought home flowers and they were on the kitchen island when she got home from work. She asked, "Oh, what are these for?" The au pair had to tell her. It rolled off like water on a duck's back. Amazing.<P>Anyway, you're normal and Resilient. Don't change a thing.<P>DAVE

Jo,<P>I don't see how you could forget, so don't think that people expect you to do so. Just wanted you to pop in and let you know I was thinking of you.<P>Ditto what WAT said.

Thank you Lora, Orchid, Twyla, Terrified, Cybil, Daybreak, Trueheart, Cali, Estes49, WAT and Rick,<P>You guys are wonderful to me. Your responses made my day easier and I feel better.<P>I planted a new baby Oak Tree today. Somewhat a symbolance of hope for a new start I guess. Some days are just harder than others, but like we all know, we're going to be okay no matter what happens.<P>Having you guys there for me means so much to me, my sincere thanks.<P>Prayers and Strength,<BR>Jo

Jo,<P>hope you are feeling better today.<P>

Hi Jo, I'm thinking about you and hoping you're better.<P>Hugs