It's been about 2 months since I posted last. My H came back home then, but was still in daily contact with the ex OW. The physical relationship had ended but not the emotional. He was really trying to still be friends with her, unfortunately lying about most of the contact so as not to hurt me I guess. <BR>Well, night before last the friendship went pretty much bye bye. She had tried to get him to start the A back up again even though he was back living with me. Then 2 days later wham, she calls here and starts harassing us. Saying how he was stalking her??? He wasn't. She had asked him to drive by on his way home from work every night to be sure she got home okay, and now that was stalking? He had told her he wouldn't give his marriage up and now since he refused to leave me she has gone psycho on us. What a night that was. <BR>He already went to his bosses at work, they know the situation and they are having both him and her watched now so if she goes crazy at work they will get her for harassment. <BR>At this point in time I guess I should feel better, but just can't yet. Most of the lies are now being told to me, and it hurts to hear them. But not as bad as when this all started now. I just don't know if I can rebuild the trust, if it's even possible at this time.<BR>He lied so much, even after coming back home. Now he says he can tell the complete truth, but how can I be sure?? He wanted the pager back on again since the exOW kept grabbing the phone at work when ever he was paged by me. I don't know if that's a real reason??...also said his bosses were getting angry over any phone calls at work. I just don't know if I can believe this is actually happening now...after 10 months of hell...<BR>He was so angry when she threatened him on the phone and had been acting crazy for days he informed me, that he had had enough..she was making a fool out of him....he had been in love with her...but not anymore...but still cared...and it hurt like hell when she did this...but at the same time...told me he NEVER wanted a divorce!!....geeeeezzzz...<BR>Anyway...he hung up on the phone that night...and came in and yanked the cord out of the phone and started yelling...that is was really over now....I was taken by surprise by it...I had been contemplating divorce and kicking him out again at that point in time....so into shock I went as he proceeded to start telling allll the truth....about everything...I gave him my small calendar with dates marked for when things I knew happened...he filled in the blanks....<BR>Oh geez....then proceeded to apologize over and over again...<BR>BUT...I am still AFRAID....<BR>He is now responding to I love you with "I love you too"...where as before it was "I know" or "uh huh"...<BR>I just can't accept that maybe it is finally over...keep thinking that it all was a show to keep it going...to keep me in the dark..<BR>Although my best friend called here while I was at the store and he started talking to her....saying he had "f-----d everything up..that I wouldn't be able to get by this...that I was probably going to leave him"...she reassured him that I would have left already if there wasn't anything left anymore....<BR>Do I take this as a positive sign??...or a setup so that I won't leave while he keeps it going??? I just can't tell anymore. He told me to change our phone number, but the phone company hasn't done it yet. I have to call Tues to find out why it didn't go thru yet. Oh geez, the pager being back is what scares me the most...although he told me their codes they had on it I'm still afraid....<BR>Even though he swears he won't give the pager number out to anyone at work or the new ph number out to anyone at work other than his bosses....<BR>When will I feel safe again??<BR>We may be moving...but I don't know if even that will help me at this point...<BR>I was ready to just give up and move on, then this happens...and he's so sorry...but I just don't know if I can ever trust him again...even though he told me not to trust him....admitted that he had been to this site and read thru it all....yelled that we should move out of state to get away from everyone....<BR>It is still frightening....she drove by this house the other week and he just now tells me about it....she's gone nutty.....<BR>Am I just being paranoid???...or is this how an A really ends...with threats and so much anger??....<BR>And is it really over now...or will he fall for it again??...I even told him he had said this before and it was a lie...and he swore on our son's life this time that it was over....when he was lying before he would swear to God...don't ask me what the difference is here...cause I don't know...<BR>The ex OW is crazy as heck...wants him to give it all up...even though she will not give up her 2 other guys for him....make any sense??...nope...and never did....<BR>Help me feel better about all this guys....I really want to try to trust him again.....

Hi,<BR>I am not sure if I should post to you or not, dont want to upset you. My H affair ended sort of the same way, alot of anger and drama. Him hating her and even telling her he wanted her dead. He moved home ready to do everything except he never quite got around to it, and she still talked to him at work and did not let go and now they continue to talk. I am afraid that hate at the end of their relationship is still too much emotion to have and I dont know how they manage to forget the hate so quickly. I guess it is more of an addiction than I want to beleive.<P>So I say you need to psuh him at this point to start doing some of the Harleys plan for recovery. Honasty, POJA, counseling, time together. Good luck,<BR>Lora

Trusting your H will take time. By the sounds of it, he is trying to earn that trust back. Consider yourself very fortunate in that respect.<P>My H and I have been in recovery for over 3 months now. It's hard work... for both of us. I have my days when I do not trust him b/c I don't know what he's up to online, etc. But I have no choice but to give him the benefit of the doubt. You have to do the same thing. You may not want to, but you have to. You'll drive yourself crazy otherwise.<P>I'm not quite sure what to say to make you feel better about your situation right now.. other than it sounds like the OW is LBing bigtime. And that's a GOOD thing for your marriage. <P>Just keep on coming here (you know the drill..grin) if you need to vent or share. We're always here.<P>Karen<BR>

It's good to "see" you again, despite the reasons why all of us are here.... For the life of me, I cannot feel comfortable with the TRUST issues in my marriage. Personally, the other stuff about the A is mediocre as compared to the foundation of trust that was once there. The basic structure of our marriage has been damaged (perhaps permanently) due to his indicretions. He realizes this and knows that rebuilding my faith in him will take time, time and more time. Yes.....he must prove himself worthy of my trust. Seems as though the effort that he put into his A is nothing compared to what he needs to do to help put this marriage back onto the right track. <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Be careful and try to be trusting. I know it's hard because I have trouble deciphering the lies too. But, don't make the mistake I did. We never really worked through the end of the affair the right way and I was constantly suspicious to the point where my SO had no privacy, I tapped into his voice mail, I checked his e-mails I was always suspicious. I know the SH says that should be o.k because there should be nothing to hide and maybe so. Except it breeds contempt and hate if it continures on too long. This was my downfall. Just when I believed that nothing was going on, something started again and now I'm back to square one. Except that my SO tells me he loves me and I truly believe the OW is the one being used. You HAVE to believe somethings that he says! For your own sanity...remember, he IS with YOU right NOW>!