I just got August cell phone bill...too many phone calls to her to count...<P>I knew there would be...my stomach didn't even do a flip-flop...I was just very disappointed to see how many...<P>So...I am asking for a no contact letter and to get a new cell phone...or number...as well as change his email acct. names...<P>If he won't agree to this...there will be a plan b and a separation in our future...I was serious...I will not live this way and I am no longer afraid to be on my own...<P>Please pray that this conversation goes well and that what I have been experiencing with my H this weekend is not some anomoly or aberation...Please let some...most of his 'fog' be drifting away...<P>Cali<P><I>(and OW or OWH...if you are reading this...I have no plans to run to someone else...unlike some people, I can wait until I am out of one relationship...AND I HAVE HAD INTEREST...)</I><P><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hi Cali, I will pray that your conversation goes well, I am sorry for your pain, it sucks doesn't it. I feel the same way we should not have to live like this. how much s**t are we supposed to put up with?? Sorry, I am probably not helping your pain right now ,but this makes me so damn mad. I to have found things and I am going through the same emotions, just know I support you and will pray for you. {{{{{cali}}}}} love Sally

Cali,<BR>All I can say is "Sorry". (Sigh), Wish things weren't going like this for you. Hang in there, you will be in my prayers, after shock

cali.....<P>i hope u can b as strong as u plan...it takes guts<BR>wish i had them<BR>why can't they stop torturing us ????<P>

Let your strength be your guide...<BR>and a beacon to others!! Hang in there Cali!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

My thoughts and prayers go out to you Cali as they do to everyone on here. <P> I know that you have learned a great deal about yourself and am now more sure of your own strength, so let that strength be your guide, just remember that fog has not completely disipated.<P> You can and have done many things on your own through all of this, yes it is nice to know that that other person is there to share in the work and the rewards, the way I look at it sometimes, is if there is no one to share the work with, then all of the rewards are mine, mine, mine.<P>Good night, and God's Blessings!! Dawn

<BR>OK, here it comes! NOPE. Shouldn't start Plan B that way.<P>You're doing it again. IF he does/ doesn't do this then I will/won't do that. Plan B should not be a reaction (PUNISHMENT) to something WS will or will not do/agree to. That's you trying to control the situation.<P>You say you are not afraid to be alone anymore. So then do what you need to do for YOU and let him think of what he needs to do on his own if he wants you back. What he choses to do will give you all the answer you need. I really don't think you want to give him a list of things to do and then punish him with Plan B if he isn't willing to do them.<P>If and when WS decides to come home it really works out better if it's "their" idea.

Gee Mthhr...what would I do without you?<P>Guess that's why I couldn't bring myself to talk about it last night...<P>...so I am in deep thought mode, as my neighboring teacher put it.<P>pondering what is my next move... Howabout just living my life correctly--according to "my" four agreements?<P>something to think about .<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

I have to agree with motherboard on this one. I don't think you can request/demand? that he change numbers, email accounts, etc. until you are truly in recovery and he has stopped all contact with OW. Well, I guess you can, but you'll probably just end up disappointed.<P>When you Plan B, don't worry, he'll get the message, and I'm sure he will know why.<P>Good luck.....I've been following your story for a while, and I just wanted to tell you that I admire what you've accomplished. You've come a long way, baby! <P>Keep strong,<BR>B<BR>

Whew! Thank goodness MTHR said that and not me. <P>I had wanted to post to you when I first saw it but given my current situation, I wasn't sure I was the best person to give that type of advice. <P>I am just glad you did not go through with it last night, because I SHOULD have said something yesterday to you instead of waiting for MTHR to say it.<P>She basically said the EXACT same thing I had all ready to post, so...<P>This whole thing is the reason I stopped my seperation. I was starting to punish my H (by keeping the seperation over his head because he wasn't doing what I was asking for) and you can't DO that, it's not right. My H did what he needed to do to prove to me that he is committed, I was just using the seperation as a way to GET MORE out of him, try to control him and get him to do what I WANTED. <P>After he had proven himself and I realized I wasn't in limbo anymore, I should have stopped the seperation right then and there, but I didn't. I liked the control/power it gave me. So, I tried to use it to get more out of my H. Bad idea. If H is going to do this, he's going to do it because he wants to, not because I'm holding something over his head...<P>I made the right decision to seperate from my husband. It helped me to finally let go. I needed that, I really did. Even though I also made the decision to give him another chance and stop the seperation, I wouldn't go back and change anything. Y'no what, it might be the wrong choice, maybe it is too soon, I don't know. But, I do know now that it doesn't matter, because I did it. I let go (I mean really let go), and I survived. <P>Good luck, Cali. Did that help at all??<BR>HbH

Cali I just read on another post that YOU pay all the bills.You PAY for this phone of your husband? <P>------------------<BR>Marry

Sorry, mthrrbard, misread your name.......

That is how I discovered A...when I opened up cell bill and found all those phone calls to her in February...of course, they snowed me and real d-day wasn't until April...<P>But to clarify...I 'wrote' out the bills. The last two years he has had a full salary as an intern teacher...I used to make double what he made now he makes 2/3's of my salary...so we are more equitable..<P>Further, he has taken on more stuff around the house and w/ the bill paying...w/out me asking...that is what I meant about BOTH of us changing...<P>He is doing things that before I would ask, beg, plead, then resort to yelling and screaming...and they still would go undone...the key for me was just to let it go...he does what he does...I do what I do...when we coordinate it is wonderful .<P>And, back to cell bill...I haven't paid it since June...it will probably be turned off soon...I have to decide if I want to risk the credit ding or not...as we are working on rebuilding our credit...I'm not sure I won't be cutting off my nose to spite my face...so-to-speak...<P>Cali

Hi Cali,<P>Pay the bill, of course. How is not paying it, hence having the cell turned off and placing a ding on your credit going to teach anyone anything?<P>I understand that turning off the cell by virtue of not paying the bill creates one less form of contact between the two, but it will only make them try harder (the us against the world, Romeo and Juliet drama).<P>As far as bringing the cell bill up. IMHO, I would, but not in a confrontational way. Boundaries, Cali. You know there is still contact and it hurts you. I think you tell your H you feel hurt and dissapointed, and leave it at that.<P>As far as considering Plan B, that should be done only when you have very little love left in your Love Bank. You, and ONLY YOU, will know when it is time, if at all, for Plan B.<P>I hope I've helped, Hon. I've been in your shoes.<P>Best to you Cali.<BR>Jo<P><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited September 05, 2001).]