Wish me luck. H said something interesting this morning. He said "We ARE in recovery." And I said, we are not in recovery until OW is OUT of my life. She is not out of my life until YOU make her out of my life...<P>(I guess I really mean that I want her out of my FUTURE. Cuz' she isn't actually in my life now... hmmm)<P>I was talking about the no contact letter. Yes, SUPPOSEDLY things are over between him and OW, but I have no proof other than his words. <P>I figured it out though. I told him that it hurts me to think that he is just going to wait for a month or so to see if she contacts him and then when it doesn't happen he can say, "see? it is over". And he replied "why not? seemed like a good idea to me." I told him that it's not fair to me because I will be going through emotional hell during this time. It seems to me like he would rather put me through hell and not care about what I am going through rather than just face up to what happened and deal with it. <P>Write the no contact letter, prove that she is out of my life and lets start recovery, dam*it. (I didn't say that).<P>I also told him that my friends here on MB were worried I was going to get hurt again because they didn't think he was ready for recovery. If he meant what he said he'd be doing things NOW, if it was really that important they would already be done and nothing would stop it from happening... (he was reading some posts the other night over my shoulder so I had to kind of explain WHY you guys were saying what you were - he thinks you all hate him and are out to get him. sigh).<P>So, I'm asking for support so I can just let go and enjoy this mini-vacation. I want to, but I feel so much anger and resentment towards my H for not caring how I feel and the pain I am continuing to go through. I know, I need to let go of this, but it is SO HARD!!!<P>I told him that everyday he continues to put OW's feelings over mine is one more day that I am not in recovery, one more day that I feel resentment towards him, and one more day I feel like running away... He says "it's not like that." I just said, "But, it is the way I feel, so it is like that for me..."<P>I did mean that, but it probably wasn't a good thing to say.<P>I know. I really need to work on letting go some more. Give him time, but it is SO hard. I mean, I have what I want, he's not with her and he's starting to work on the marriage. I just want the dam* no contact letter, I want it, I want it, I want it.<P>There. Now hopefully I can try to let go and get on with enjoying our vacation...<P>Orchid - good luck while I am gone, honey. Stick to your guns, listen to MTHR and BrambleRose, k?<P>Cali - Don't do anything rash while I'm away, k? Good luck to you. Hope you liked some of the ideas in my other post to you. Try to stay strong.<P>WAT - Good luck with the alien ship and the queen alien... <P>Lexxy,BR,SnL,Zorweb,StL,MTTR,H2Y,Faith,Chris,MOM, and others - good luck while I am away. I wish clear, fogless skies and no alien invasions while I am away...<P><BR>OOH, OOH, one last thing I just thought of. H says I passed some kind of "test". I have no clue WHAT he is talking about, but he says he will tell me later. I guess he did something to see what my reaction would be and I passed. I said, yeah, well, I guess I'm happy I didn't fail whatever it was (probably having to do with control issues). I told him, well, unfortunately, you've pretty much failed all my tests. LOL (yeah, I know probably an LB, but I COULDN'T resist... okay, I could have, and should have, but I didn't, so now I laugh about it).<P>HbH

HbH - have fun and maybe try out some new kinds of trouble for a change?<P>There's few of us next door in MD if you get bored. <P>Wat

thanks for the wishes! You too. Have fun and be safe! <P>GOOOD LUUUCK!!!!! And prayers coming your way too!<P> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited September 06, 2001).]

HbH,<BR>Have a wonderful vacation in VA. If you happen to pass by on I395 please waive at me. I might put the sign up that said "OOOO". Only MB people would know who I am. <P>Have a good time.<P>OOOO