This is my first post here and I'm really looking for someone who's been in my situation to give me some hope. I hope someone can help me. My husband and I have been married for two years and have no children. I am a classic conflict avoider, so when our sex life went became almost non-existant, I didn't want to discuss it. It was much easier to just ignore the problem than to talk about it. Anyway, he had an affair. It started with someone at work and at first they were just friends. He spent one night with her and then she moved. He has seen her several times since when I thought he was away on business. It has been going on for about a year now. I noticed the phone calls, but he assured me it was nothing. How stupid am I? Anyway, He finally told me two months ago and I asked him to leave until he ended it with her. He finally did and came home. Here's what we're dealing with now: He still doesn't know what he wants to do. If he should stay or go. Some days he's optimistic about our future and other days he wants to give up. He loves her and feels that he's ruined her life. He is very angry with me for shutting him out for so long and doesn't know how to get over the anger. We have started seeing a marriage counselor, but I'm not sure it will help. Thank you to anyone who has read all of this. I hope someone can offer some advice.<BR>Thanks!<P>------------------<BR>SBB

MFN, <P> I am so sorry you are having to go through this. But I am glad that you have found this place. MB is a special place with very many angels helping us deal with all the pain. And just being here for each other is gives one a real boost.<P> I can't really answer your specific questions but I just wanted you to know that someone had seen what you have written and understands what you are feeling. Others will give you much better advice than I am capable of.<P> I would have to say that seeing a marriage councilor is a good first step. Read everything you can on this site then read some more, and come here and ask questions and to vent(let out some tension). <P> Here is a good place to start;<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html</A> <P> Welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry you have to be here. After you read some you may want to invite your husband here for support also. <P> jd