Hi Sally,<P>Not sure if this will help but here is my take. H came home 3 times and went back to OW. The last time I told him not to come home since he was supposedly at her house talking with her. He ended up spending the night and well you know. Anyway, each time he came back, his 'privileges' were restored, yet our family was not getting our needs met. Hm..... doesn't sound fair. Oh, plan A was too easy for this WS. Nope had to do something further. Here goes:<P>1. I put my needs out in the open. When I hurt, H was made aware. <P>2. I stopped enabling H. I did normal family stuff for him, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning etc. But did not go out of my way to put his things away. Take care of his business calls, etc. <P>Remember purpose of plan B is to protect and preserve the BS's love. <P>Most of H's things are still in the garage. He says he does not like them there but has not made any major effort to move them back. I realize this and now know that if he does not fully commit to being with his family, it is only a matter of time that he will show his true intentions and need to leave. If so, then a D will be the next step. However, H is now saying that his heart is mixed up. H wants his family and feels obligated but that OW is still tugging at him. <P>For me, physically I am wearing out. I no longer want to put 150% into this marriage and have told H so. H has to want to meet our needs. As much as they say they are confused (and they very well could be), certain things in life require a decision. Bringing these things to light via plan B, by him learning by his actions in our case be the only way, H will learn. <P>While plan Bing at home is very hard, I keep in front of me not to enable H, meet some of his needs (not all since he is not meeting mine) and remember that my needs are important (this includes my health). If H has to suffer along with me, then so be it. I am not making this happen, it is a result of being subjected to the A. <P>I am the family giver. H is the family taker. H has to learn to give. He said so tonight. Kind of a different plan B since we do still talk but I have just learned not to talk as much. My opinions are not always welcomed by H so I don't voice it as much. I prefer to wait until H asks my opinion. I am not however totally silent. I can be vocal just learning when to be vocal and on what subject. This gives H & OW les to hang me on. <P>Hope this helps. ......<P>L.<BR>
