Why can I not see that the dreams you shattered were not of you but of myself? How can I expect that you would remain faithful to those dreams when they were not your own? <P> Dreams. Dreams? They were dreams of mine. Not yours, not ours. Not something I should expect that you would want to continue to share. For that would be asking too much of you. Would that I could have known your own true dreams that I might have decided I could share with you what is your own. <P> By chance, could it have been? Could my dreams have changed to become your dreams? Could you have tried to teach me your dreams? To make us whole again? <P> Did you really need to give Other Man what, by rights, should have been mine? Other man likely has dreams to. Do they really fit more with your dreams? More so than mine? What makes it so? I may never know. For to know, you would of had to of shown me your dreams. <P> No. My dreams are slowly dying. No. This is all wrong. Can't you see? No, No, No!<P> What I am seeing is that my dreams are what is dying. My dreams that you said never were your dreams. The dreams are where the pain come from. That they are fighting to live. Fighting to make thier way to completion. Causing so much pain and torment for me.<P> Slowly, ever so slowly, the dreams are giving way to something else. Something much more sinister than my dreams.<BR>My dreams are giving way to reality. <P> Reality, can you be an healor for my soul? Will you be as painful as my dreams? Will you die a simple death and give way to new dreams? New dreams which I might share with my wife? Or, will you be an tormentor like my dreams have become?<P> "NO MATTER WHAT" What? That was to be a new motto for me...lol. No matter what I would do whatever it took to regain my marriage and my Wife. "WHAT A JOKE" It is becoming painfully aware to me that it is "WHAT A JOKE" on jdmac1.<P> Whatever it is that causes me such pain and distress at the condition of my marriage. I pray that it would die, so I could move on. I hate this pain. I am quite allergic to it. Whether it is broken dreams or reality or WTF ever. I wish it would leave me so I could move forward. With or without my Wife. <P> I should know tomorrow if a new d-day has arrived for me. I am scared to death of the pain I may recieve, almost know with certianity that I will recieve. Will it ever end?<P> I have heard it said that dreams die very hard. Well it is true indeed.<P> jd<BR>

jdmac1,<P>I'm mourning my dreams too. I don't know if they are really dead yet, but it doesn't look too good for them. I feel your pain - or rather a similar pain.<P>-AD

I think the test God has for us is to see if we will serve Him no matter what--with or without our dreams. Because with or without OUR dreams, God has a plan for our lives. It is up to us to find out what HIS plan is and get in line with it... When it all falls apart--will we serve Him? Will we praise Him? Will we believe Him? Will we love Him?<P>Instead of asking Him why and when--will we worship Him simply for Who He Is?<P>What's the worse thing that can happen? We DIE and go to heaven, right? So what can the enemy do to us, really? Even the sting of death is removed when we love and serve God.<P>Come on JD, it's going to be all right. Before you get up on the outside, you've GOT TO GET UP ON THE INSIDE! You can do this! Choose LIFE!

Amen, BTDT... <P>jd? u there? what's goin on?

A musical song goes "to dream the impossible dream" ... what we dream and desire, are guideposts. We must take that gossamer fabric and weave it into the tapestry that is the reality of life.<P>So, it may seem that you are yearning for an impossible dream.<P>To quote James Goodwin, "The impossible is often the untried."<P>So dream your dreams, pursue them actively. If, by chance, the reality of the dream does not seem to be coming to fruitition, perhaps it is because we are trying to force reality into the dream, or the dream into reality.<P>So try the impossible, and if necessary, change out the parts of the dream that don't match the reality of life.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thanks Everyone,<P> I am just trying to take stock in my life and all the happenings. I continue to struggle with new developements in this whole recovery, seperation, on again off again, marriage.<P> I found out yesterday the reason W hasn't been willing to make a single commitment to me or marriage is because she has remained in contact with OM. This, despite her continued promises to the contrary. <P> I knew we had unresolved issues. I did however believe her(or I wanted to anyway)when she said she was no longer in contact with OM. Yesterday I found that she lied all along.<P> I know we have went through it the last week or two. But, I really almost believed that she wanted to make us work. I felt, and she even said, that she wanted me to do ALL the work for awhile. To give her the time she needed to actually believe I was changed from before the A.<P> Now, I find that she has most likely lied all along. I should have much more detail as to the extent of this newest betrayal by days end. It is my hope that she has simply been stringing OM along until she was sure of my own commitment. I kind of doubt that is the case though. <P> If I find what I fear....well I don't know what. I know what I promised her would happen. But that would probably be a little extreme. <P> Then there is the problem of how I found out. Spyware!!! Basically if she finds this out then all hope will be lost for us. So I am at a deadend so to speak.<P> What do you good people suggest? Keep this information to myself? Tell her all about it and end the M? Pretend I am as happy as I lead her to believe and keep trying? <P> At a loss here people.<P> jd

JD,<P>I am so sorry for your pain. Thank you for sharing it. I read that hearing my H's voice and seeing his tears. In such a short period of time, you have taught and shown me much. Your post made me cry...I needed that.<BR>Sincerely,<BR>2worlds

jd,<BR>I believe that only you know what you can handle. <P>I believe the best thing to do is keep it to yourself and continue Plan A. Since she just moved out, I think you can Plan A for a little bit longer so she can truly see you and her home are her safe harbor.<P>I apologize for having to ask this again.... please tell us how long you have been in plan A since March I believe, but a good plan A?? How are your LB's?<P>It may seriously be time for Plan B, but you've got to be sure you have laid down a solid Plan A for her to remember. Your next step is not the end the M. Plan B is your next step. A vital step in causing the WS to face the music and realize that can't have their cake and it eat too.<P>this is JMO... my 2 cents....

AbandonedDad,<P> If you are feeling similar pain(and I know you are or you would not be here)I am sorry for you, for us. Someone(snl) said once that people don't die from this stuff. I saw the truth in that statement. But there are worse things than physical death. Other parts of the puzzle do die from this stuff.<P> BINthereDUNthat,<P> Dear friend, you know what I think of you, yes? I choose life. I do. Unless I loose my sanity, nothing will truely end my faith, or cause me to give up on God. You know more about me in regards to my belief than anyone on MB. You know part of my torment that others never will. I have read and reread your email to me, and right now I am at a loss for words where that is concerned. HE will give me the answers to that part of my regrets in His own good time. It is just the pain from this other is keeping me from doing what I know I must do Spiritually. But, I will get back there.<P> STL,<P> I know that song. Thanks. Yes, I will have to work on the dream, change it, nurture it and see where it goes. It would be nice that ALL involved in those dreams could remain in them.<P> 2worlds,<P>I am glad I have touched your heart in a small way. That you are capable of placing your husband in my place and seeing his tears and pain, says something. The very fact that you are here says something. What it says to me is that you do care for your H a great deal. What it tells me is there is hope for you and H. HOPE!!! With hope you can both take the needed actions to rebuild a happy life together, better than ever. But he needs to know that for you, he must make drastic changes in the way he shows his love to you. If he doesn't FULLY understand what he is about to lose, he has NO HOPE. And the hope you have left cannot sustain your marriage.<P> Faith1(D.),<P> Leave it to you to make me see things more clearly. You are correct in your question of Plan A. I do not believe I have done a complete and good plan A. D-Day was March 12th. But I did not find MB until a couple of months later. So closer to 4 months.<P> I too think I should continue Plan A for some time longer. It is just the new information that attempts to shut me down. Dealing with this again is very hard without LBing all over the place. <P> Prayers Please?<P> jd<P> <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited September 10, 2001).]

My dear JD,<P>You are right at the time most vulnerable for many Bss. At around the 4 -5 month mark, many start to get tired. Worn out. Can't run on adrenaline forever. And you start to take stock and look around you. How long is this stuff going to last? Can I hang on? Should I? More and more questions fill your mind. <P>In the meantime where is the WS? Out there doing whatever, wherever with whoever. Hurting the BS and family over and over again...... JD? You there? I think so, so have I and many others. <P>Your dreams? Oh I had them to. Except mine were a bit different. Around the 4th months after d/d, I too had a dream (not a Martin Luther King type), more like a George Clooney type. If you do a search on that name, you will find my post. Anyways, George saved my life. Not him actually but a dream of him. In it I learned a bit about myself. Silly it was only a dream, but in it I learned I could laugh, enjoy myself in the company of another man, did not need SF immediately, just someone to share pleasant times with and be treated with dignity and respect. <P>That dream felt sooo good that on the 1st Saturday in March, I woke up from that dream, called H on his cell. Woke him up (he was in his rented room and told him around 7:15am that it was ok to get the D. I was ok with it. Hung up and kept thinking about George Clooney. Oh H, never knew what hit him.... he called back with a big ? in his voice. Hm.... no reason just that I'm ready. H would not buy that. OOOOOhhhh, scared OW big time. She could not figure what I had up my sleeve. Well, I didn't have anything just some self assurance that if the D came, I would be ok. <P>A boost of confidence. That was the beginning of one of H's attempts to come home. Ok, so George Clooney (who I did not know very well, why I dreamed about him, I don't know, don't even watch ER -LOL!!!!). Found out he is a play boy, very disappointed. But he served his purpose. <P>The purpose to this long story is that dreams can help. Don't give up on your dreams, make them have a positive aspect in your life. Apply the realistic parts/lessons. <P>You want to know who was the next guy I dreamt about? Hm...... another juicy but true tale..... and it still makes me smile...... too bad he is divorced and already dating...... <P>JM thoughts....<P>L.<BR>