I caught OM calling my W again. This, after W and I called him together to ask him not to call anymore. My W told me that she is tired of lying to me about him continuing to call her. But she still talks to him when he calls - "because he's her friend" (aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg).<P>Anyway, after I found out I sent OM an email saying that we had asked him as a gentleman to stop but that he still continued. I told him that he was no gentleman and had total diregard for the sanctity of marriage.<P>He sent an email back saying that he was sorry. That he needed advice about his marriage from my W. That it wouldn't happen again and that he wanted to talk to me over the phone instead of email.<P>I sent him an email saying that I would entertain this suggestion if I knew what he wanted to talk about. He said that he wanted to simply apologize (not just by writing) and discuss anything I wished to discuss.<P>I have my own list (short and sweet), but would like to hear what you folks would discuss given this opportunity.<P>S&C<P>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited September 10, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited September 10, 2001).]

Hi sad,<P>When my WS had an affair 4 years back I did get to talk to the OM. He was (what I'd thought anyway) a friend. Some friend he'd turned out to be. He'd called me to say he was sorry for all the pain he'd caused me !!!!!<P>To be honest, the contact left me empty. It didn't make me feel any better, or worse. I wasn't angry at him because it takes two for a relationship to start. And this had as much to do with my W as it had to do with him.<P>So, I don't know what to say really. If you want something from the contact then it might make sense but in reality it's not going to benefit anybody. In fact, for the dignity of the BS, I think it's better to stay above this.<P>just some thoughts for ya,<BR>good luck,<P>- Freddy

S&C - well, to answer your question, I'll put myself in your place and think of whether I'd want to talk to to my wife's OM. Also a former "friend."<P>No. Not now, not ever.<P>He doesn't deserve one moment of my time. If he wants to apologize, I don't care to hear it. He really needs to apologize to his family and to the whole community for his horrible behavior.<P>WAT

I wouldn't waste 2 more seconds on that jerk. You have already communicated the only thing that needed to be communicated and that is that he STOP contacting your wife. There's nothing more to discuss. End of Story.

My husband told me something interesting other night that may benefit you men:<P>He said that the reason my OM called after DDAY was in hopes that things were bad and I would want to see him. He said the OM was probably missing me and in withdrawel, hoping to catch me off guard for a possible contact. There has been no contact at all since June 2000. I kept my word to my husband and told OM there is no reason for us ever to talk again. OM thankfully took my word serious.<P>As you all know I am now the BS DDAY was September 1st. My husband has been pretty honest with me sense that day and it has allowed us to revisit some questions about my own adultry. I no longer feel I have to defend myself.<P>Now we get to start the next phase of our lifes.

I'd send him an email and tell him that there is nothing to communicate about, that you have already made your feelings crystal clear and you fully expect him to comply with them or you will be taking further steps.<P>Please recall that you are not dealing with a saint here, but a man whose mission and goal it is to DESTROY your marriage and everything else good in your life. You certainly owe him nothing, except maybe a knuckle sandwich, but certainly not civility.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Dana114 (edited September 10, 2001).]