I know that rebound relationships are not a good idea, but I am just amazed at how many people here don't give into that temptation. For me, my husband of 20 years left me in May of 1999. I started dating someone after the divorce was filed. I had this FRANTIC feeling that I had to replace my husband.

My counselor tried to get me to end the relationship to no avail by continually telling me that I "was not available for a relationship." It was exhilarating to have someone sincerely interested in me after the big blow of my husband leaving. The diversion that this relationship created was an immense relief from all the grief I felt when my husband left.

Anyway, am I the only one here that stupidly used a rebound relationship to divert the pain of a broken marriage? And how do you keep from giving into such a temptation if you don't?

Dana,<P>No, you're not the only one. And your counselor was giving you excellent advice---you're best to hold to a hard and fast timeline of "no dating for xxx months". And then not to put yourself in a situation which would favor romance (in essence, pretend that you're still married, and work on protecting yourself from affair situations).<P>The problem is that towards the end of a relationship, especially if you're a BS---you tend to be very emotionally needy. Attila the Hun looks pretty damn attractive---he can provide food, ride a horse, hey! Part of the stuff that Steve Harley did with me during Plan B was to work on the potential for divorce---and being emotionally stable enough to recognize that I wasn't ready for a relationship. And once you get to that place---you're actually probably OK.<P>In general---no dating for two years is the rule. I've rarely seen anyone who did this that said it was "too long". I've seen plenty who have not held to this, and wished that they had.

Raising my hand!<P>When seperated (6 mos) I allowed myself to get involved, it was not good for me, but because NONE (ZERO, NADA) of my needs had been met in so long, the guy I was involved with "seemed" perfect for me. By MBer's good advice, I backed myself out of it as fast as I could.<P>And now I'm D for nearly 3 mos and I know I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship. I don't feel I have anything to offer or worthy of anyone at this time. In my heart and somewhat in my head I still feel I'm married. Feel like I would be betraying my H. Go figure ... <P>I'm glad you asked this question, Dana. I'm interested to hear what others say.<P>Jo<P>p.s. K .. I never knew you went into Plan B. WOW!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited September 10, 2001).]

Hey Jo:<P>Don't say "not worthy"---just "not ready". It's better for your self-esteem.<P>And what'd you think??? I was one of these Plan A successes??? I was fortunate that my time in Plan B was relatively short (<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000143.html" TARGET=_blank>K's old story</A>)<p>[This message has been edited by K (edited September 10, 2001).]