I've decided to start a post dedicated to my marriage and the good things that are happening (and only the good things).<P>I need something to look back on and give me strength during the rough days ahead...<P>9/10/01:<BR>-H has committed to writing no contact letter. Says that he wants to do everything he can to make things right between us again. He has also committed to me.<BR>-H has told me he loves me<BR>-We have made love<BR>-MC starts on Friday<BR>-H calls me frequently and always lets me know where he is, what he is doing and who he will be with. He also encourages me to call him at these places.<BR>-H has been in individual counseling for almost 6 weeks now.<BR>-H says that he is trying very hard not to get mad at me for things that I have no control over anymore (in the past, if my H got mad, he would focus all that anger over to me, as if I was the one that caused it). I still see him getting mad (in general though, not at me), and I do notice the change and tell him. He also apologizes when this happens.<BR>-H and I both have been working on thanking each other and showing appreciation for the little things.<BR>-H is dealing with the affair instead of trying to push it under a rug.<BR>-H has shown great remorse for what he has done<BR>-H tells me when something upsets him and he doesn't like it (instead of keeping it bottled in)<BR>-I have made huge improvements on myself and on reducing the amount of control I have over others (my H and kids included)<P>That felt good.<BR>HbH

That's great! I think there is always a bright side if we could just force ourselves to concentrate on it. One way that helps me is to find a way to laugh about my problems, you know, turn them into a funny joke somehow... Thanks for sharing your very uplifting insightful thoughts & events!

Dear HBH, I'm very glad to hear that things are going so well for you. I wish you continued happiness and growth. Continue to share your "success" with us since it helps to inspire and maintain our faith especially, since in my situation, things look pretty hopeless right now. <P>

What happened the other nite?<BR>Did you go be alone?<BR>Or did you and H start writing the letter together?

Hi all. Thanks for the good wishes. I'm going to keep up this thread for as long as I can, and just keep writing the good stuff.<P>-Last night H and I cuddled on the couch and talked about how our problems are so small compared to everything else going on.<BR>-H called me at work yesterday to see how I was doing, he came to see us right away when I got home from work, and called me again at 6am this morning when he got off 3rd shift.<BR>-H and I are spending all day together tomorrow and making plans for "alone time" Saturday night.<P>Lexxy - H and I ending up cuddling, playing video games, and talking for most of the other night. We made plans to do the letter together tomorrow at 10:30am (he is going to write, I am there for moral support and to double-check it before he sends it). Then we were going to spend adult time together and not talk about OW/issues for the rest of the day.<P>I told my husband that I really respected his decision to write this letter to OW, and that I was proud of him. He said "you should be because, I mean it, I am going to do it." I just smiled and hugged him tight...<P>HbH

This past weekend:<BR>-H and I visited some old friends and had a great time out this weekend, lots of love units deposited.<BR>-H says he heard through grapevine that OW is in Georgia for a while, she'll be back to school sometime, but he doesn't know when, just wanted to let me know she wasn't around right now and as far as he knows she is still going to Colorado permanently in January.<BR>-H told me he REALLY loves me (not just loving feelings, y'no the "in love" / "love" debate that most WS's go through) and will try telling me more often.<BR>-H did something stupid this weekend, and showed amazing and total remorse immediately. Made me feel very special that he would realize what he did and how it impacted me and cared enough to try and make me feel better.<BR>-H and I talked, and talked, and talked this weekend. Alot. Realized alot of things. Had heated discussions, but no arguments. I think we grew to understand each other much better.<BR>-Had first MC session on Friday. Did not go well for me, but at least we had it...<BR>-H has changed his tune from "I can never move back", to "by the time I find a coffee table for my apartment I'll be ready to move back home."<BR>-I finally know where H lives.<BR>-H wrote the majority of the no contact letter but has not sent it yet.<P>That's all the good stuff. Lots of bad stuff too (going on inside me mostly), but I'll save that for a different post. Just trying to focus on the good here.<P>HbH

9/22:<BR>-H changed phone number<BR>-H blocked OW's email<BR>-H wrote and sent no-contact letter<BR>-H has agreed to fill out EN questionnaire, I am handing him mine today.<BR>-H and I are going out on a date tonight<BR>-H has agreed to read "Surviving Infidelity", per our MC's request.<BR>-H is going to continue individual counseling (phew) instead of just doing MC.<P>HbH

9/27:<P>-H and I are making plans for him to move back home in October<BR>-H is talking more about marriage, getting out his feelings, and how breaking his vows really upsets him and that is why he is afraid to be married. We talk about in future re-stating wedding vows and getting new rings (neither of us wear our old ones - too much pain).<BR>-H keeps making future plans for us (trip to Jamaica in December, going out next weekend, etc).<BR>-H is starting to get ALOT more involved with me and the family. Came over yesterday and just had family time and helped me clean. He is going to OD's open house tomorrow...<BR>-Made plans to work on EN questionnaire this weekend (always takes a while AFTER he says he will do something for it to actually happen. Never right away...)<P>HbH

Oh please forgive me for raining on your parade. I am having a pitty party today. <P>Nice list - but WE HAVE DONE THAT ALL BEFORE and have had 3 contacts in the passed year (PA was in 1994)<P>Now we are back together: read my post please for 1st counseling session.

Hi NH, sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. <P>I just post this list for myself, so it gives me something to look back on and remember the good things (when my mind just wants to remember the bad stuff).<P>I hope things get better for you. <BR>HbH<P>

Sometimes I feel like I am spiraling down, out of control and I am so desperate and miserable i am going to take everyone with me. I am sorry hurtbyhubby - you have the right attitude. I will bump this up because this is where it needs to be.<P>You know what was kinda cute last night? he had his arm around me/hand on my back and he said he felt like his hand was 10x its normal size like a gorilla hand. I imagine that way of comforting me was so foriegn to him yet so uncomfortable to him yet he stuck with it. <P>I could add more positives but I am only a little "there". <P>You keep posting!<P>