I feel a bit bothered about posting a question for advice<BR>in light of all that has happened yesterday. It makes our problems seem so insignificant doesn't it?? My thoughts and prayers are with all and especially anyone who is directly affected by this tragedy.<P>My need for advice is this--my H has stated in the past that he felt he needed to move out in order to really think things over and to find out what he really wants. In our last MC session he brought it up again. For those who don't know or in case I haven't said, he has told me numerous times that if he truly didn't want to be there(at home/marriage) he would be gone. Also to the best of my knowledge and by his admission he is not seeing the OW.<P>Question being--we are planning on having a "talk" tonight and I want to know if what I want to tell him is a good idea or if you guys think it would come across as a LB.<P>I would tell him that I wasn't threatening him and that I truly do love him, but if he chooses to leave then go. Don't dabble it in front of me. but if you go then I will expect the following--the key to our place, and child support as I would check with someone to see about how much he would be expected to pay. Also some sort of schedule about the kids. He wouldn't just be able to waltz in and out when ever he felt like seeing them. I feel if he wants to see what it is like then he should really see what it could be like.<P>What do you guys think? Anything else I should or shouldn't say? Thanks in advance!!

KID:<P>I have said this before that it seems the primary reason WSs want to move out is to not be accountable for their time to their spouse.<P>That may not be the case in your situation but it seems it happens more often than not. <P>I think in your case, your plan to make your H accountable by making him stick to a schedule w/kids and $upport is a good one.<P>When my W (WS) left I was devastated but I survived and got stronger. Ultimately I told her I did not want her at home unless she WANTED to be there and that she was committed to us.<P>She is home now and we are attempting to make our way thru recovery. It's tough but if you hang in there perhaps your H will see what he is giving up and/or stands to lose once he is away from you and your family.<P>As others have posted here, it is not easy for the spouse left at home. Use this site and those of us who have gone thru it for part of your support and as just a place to vent when you need it.<P>Good luck and best wishes...<P>E

I said the same things to my h before he left, but he didn't come through with any of it. And he wouldn't talk about it in any detail. This seems to support Elan's idea that the WS does not want to be accountable for their time, and he certainly wasn't. <P>So I suggest, if you are going to say these things to him, make a fair plan out on paper first, a copy for each, look at it and revise it together and sign each others' copies...he might still do whatever he likes anyway, as my h did, but at least you will have tried your best to look after your boundaries and the kids' rights.<P>Nina.