Dear all just to update you H came back for a couple of weeks and i tried so hard to be normal (whats that???) but his coldness and lack of response just became to much to bear.<BR>And then a week ago last night he dissapeared when i was out, he had gone for his usual wed night out with OW!! stayed out all night.<BR>I rang cell phone thursday morning and he was still at her house!!<BR>Anyway to cut it a bit short, i told him i had had enough and he had to decide who he wanted later that day.<BR>I went to see him in the afternoon and suprise suprise he still did not have the b***s to say he wanted her, so i told him thats it we are over i gave him 15 months to choose and he still would not say.<BR>I packed all his things and took them to him the next day and he said CHEERS, after 26 years together.<BR>We went for a drink on the sunday and he did talk a bit and said he cant give me 100% so i made up my mind its over, our kids now know and both lots of parents.<BR>Our son wont talk to him seems full of hate toward him and daughters not much better (ages 17 & 15).<BR>I havent contacted him at all, just told him to leave me alone.<BR>Had the odd text message on cell phone as he is repairing our car, just answered any ? but he still puts a kiss after message.<BR>Im hurting so badly i love him so much but its been so long just cant take anymore<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Sounds like time for Plan B. <BR>We are all struggeling with you - sorry there is really nothing to say to make you feel better. It is truly a drag!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{lizzle}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You are strong, you are brave, you will survive!!

lizzle,<BR>We exchanged posts before, I felt I had to respond to your post. I'm afraid I can not add any words that will ease the pain that I know you must be going through, but hopefully knowing others are going through similar situations may help a little.<P>It does sound as though he still has some doubt in his mind, re the kiss at the end of the text message, I guess this is down to the wonderful fog, which we of course hope will lift, however it seems to take a very long time...<P>I know you are in the UK, its still possible to phone Steve Harley from this web site and receive counselling. The cost is reduced by $5, and that in my experience covers the costs of the phone call (arrange for the appointment at about 6 / 7 / 8 pm UK time, the calls are cheaper), even more cheaper if you make the telephone number one of your BT friends and family numbers.<P>You'll find the detials on the web site to call the office (whatever time it is in the UK minus 6 hours, that is to get through to the office at Marriage Builders call between roughly 2 pm and 6 pm UK time. Both Laurie and Miriam have been very helpful.<P>I do know its difficult (I'm there with you) but I just feel it may be worth that extra effort, for what we have all read on here many times a huge recovery prize.<P>Take care, I'll be thinking of you.<P>mands

Lizzle, So sorry for your pain, 15 months is a long time, its time he make a decision. I have been 15 months also and I feel the same way, I told my H, same things. There is only so much sh** we can but up with, we deserve better. I know how you feel I still love my H very much and can't imagaine life without him, we are together 26 years and m 18 years, 3 children. I will keep you in my prayers. Love and Hugs Sally

Thanx very much for your replies, it helps so much to know you are all there and ive got somewhere to turn whe im home alone, finding MB was the best thing that happened to me in a long long time.<P>I guess i just finally faced the truth that he wants OW but just could not out and say it, i think her H is moving out soon so the field will be clear for them, do they do the decent thing and get to know her kids first (6&8) or move right in i wonder?.<P>Anyway i guess im in plan B although in my head i know ive let go, i deserve better than being second best.<BR>What i still cant grasp is how much A has changed H he was always so honest and open now he can lie for england.<P>I must admit although it hurts it is a relief that its all out in the open now, its been so hard these past 15 months hiding it from my kids my family and his family, but i just tried to protect them all from the pain.<P>When i told him we are over and i was going to tell the kids he asked what i was going to tell them, seemed suprised when i said THE TRUTH.<BR>Now his son wont talk to him his mum and dad tried but from what i gather he bare faced lied to them as to why we are apart, hes losing so much and just cant see it!!<P>Anyway im picking myself up and dusting me down and moving on i love him with all my heart and soul but my kids are my priorty they are hurting even though they are older, we will manage i will SURVIVE.<BR>Im starting a job in a bar a couple of nights a week working with friends, never done it before but it will get me out meeting people and maybe i will start to smile again who knows, somewhere in here the real me is hiding, ive got to find her again for my own sake and my kids.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Hi all H came round this morning to bring car back, i was really proud of myself i kept all my emotions covered up.<BR>Told him i would not be able to keep car as its got a years finance left and costs to much to run, and that he can have it (it was my pride and joy).<P>I also asked if he wanted a divorce and said he would have to file if he did as i cant afford it, he said no.<BR>Told him we would have to sort finances sooner or later when he wanted, didint get much response.<P>Asked him if he was happy now he had got what he seemed to want, he said dont know if i have!!<BR>As he was leaving went to give me the usual peck type kiss and i turned away and said dont, for a minute i thought i saw a flash of pain but maybe it was wishful thinking.<P>After he had gone i cried i love him so much but whats the use, 15 months one sided love im just drained.<P><P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

lizzle,<BR>Me again, I've been thinking of you. I think the stand you are taking, with respect saying that he can file for divorce is the correct one, its also important that you look after yourself and your kids now. You never know if he does actually move in with OW it may be the best thing, he may REALLY see what she is like and dump her. <P>With this in mind I would still suggest that you keep open the "Welcome mat", whilst not letting him walk all over you.<P>Sorry I cannot add anymore, I think some of us realise when their spouses appear to have turned their backs on us, and its so h a r d..., I wish I knew what else to say, but I don't - other than you are not alone. I realise this doesn't actually resolve anything, but I find it sometimes helps to know you are not the only one...<P>Best wishes,<P>Mands

Hi Mands nice to hear from you it helps a lot to know im not alone in this, but at the same time i wish none of us were in this awful position we are in.<BR>Take care and thankyou.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else