Hello all,<BR>I have received some excellent advice on this forum since I started posting here. I have received varying opinions from all different viewpoints and angles. This has helped me tremendously and I can't thank you enough.<P>One thing that stands out to me is the fact that I have often been told, "You will know when you have had enough".<P>Well, I've had enough. This is not anger or resentment. I simply don't want to continue in a one-sided marriage while my H is living with OW. By him taking our children over there this weekend and "acting" like they were a big happy family, he has proven to me that my feelings mean nothing to him and that he has no intention of returning to our relationship.<P>He has lied about his relationship with her and quite frankly, I don't want to wait around losing my self-respect until HE comes out of his fog. If he was immature and unable to make a grownup decision, I may be more lenient. Then again, I have waited for 6 months for him to find a time to "think" about our relationship. He has yet to find the time......<P>You know they say, if you haven't worn something in your closet in 6 months, you might as well throw it away because you either don't like it or don't need it. That is exactly what I feel like. My H is capable of being a good father and I suppose we will always be friends on some level because we were best friends for 17 years ( half our lives).<P>I just don't need or like a relationship that meets none of my needs. It isn't just about needs, I just have to let go of my dreams for now. I've always been an optimist. I refuse to see the bad in people and I continually make mistakes for their behavior and do not require consenquences for negative actions. I generally just let things slide.<P>Tomorrow I am telling my H to come back by after he drops kids off because I have some things to tell him. Not ask him but tell him. I will let him know that I will be making an appointment with my lawyer, hopefully on Tuesday, which will be exactly 6 months from when he moved out of our house. He was unhappy for 6 months prior to that so I suppose I've really been living this nightmare over a year now. <P>This is the right thing for me to do. It is not to get a reaction out of him. Both my parents and his parents think I should file to scare him but this isn't about that. I'm just ready to get on with my life, the way that I want to live it. I will just be exercising one of my God given freedoms and ending one chapter of my life so another can begin. It isn't what I wanted but it is what I have to accept. There is nothing more to do or say to him that will make any difference. I also don't think more time would either. Time is now pushing us further away rather than drawing us together. I know there is always a chance and that All things are possible with God. I will do my best to follow God's direction in my life, no matter what. I have a peace about this decision that I really don't understand right now so even though I know God hates divorce, I also know He hates adultry so much that He allows marriages to end due to it. <P>Please pray for me as I start this journey. I will need your continued support throughout this process. Thanks for your help. Lynn <P>PS: I'm okay, I really am.<P>

peoplepleaser,<P>All I can say is good for you. You can only do so much by yourself to save your marriage. There comes a time when you have to do what's best for you, and there's a big difference between what's best for you and what you want.<BR>I will probably be doing the same as you very soon. Good luck.<P>sad dad

ya know, 3 days ago I would have tried to convince you to hang in there. Now, I realize life is way too short and way too unsure and way too scary. You sound like you have your head on strait and you know what you want and have somewhat support from the family. I imagine the rest of the MB people will say no, but if you're sure this is what you want, go for it. Personally, I think I just don't have the guts to let go yet. He did worry about me during the strikes and called everybody trying to find me, so I have to give it another try...we did hold eachother last night but he still can't bring himself to sleep with me... maybe that is adding to my negative attitude. don't know.... (yes I'm extremely stressed)<P>God Bless America<BR>Deb<BR>

peoplepleaser<BR>If you're absolutely certain this is what you want then go ahead but it is by filing that you may get what you asked for. (divorce).<P>Keep us posted.

Hi,<P>You know your limits. You still retain your respect and dignity. Be prepared for either reaction. Reaching the acceptanct stage in our lives is important for the BS. The Ws for the most part is always striving to reach it but acceptance of most anything appears to be elusive for them that is why they seem to be 'striving after the wind' and in a constant stage of confusion or changing their minds. <P>Will your WS try to get you to change your mind? If yes, what is the real reason? Which reason will you work with and which will you not work with? You will know. <P>Keep your resolve to take care of you and your family. Should your H prove that he can come back and bring value to your family, you will decide at that time. In the meantime, protection for you and your family becomes your priority. The D word has come up to and from many of us. Some actually go the full gamit others begin the travel and turn back for various reasons. But the start of that journey does not guarantee the end. Either way. Life has no guarnatees as long as it is left up to mankind.<P>Sending <<<<hugs your way>>>>.<BR>L.<BR>