Well, as many of you may know I'm at the point of asking my W for a formal separation. By that I mean not just one of us leaving and sleeping on someone's couch for a couple of months. I mean a separation agreement with conditions for custody/visitation and financial issues. I think we need to live like we're divorced for both us to get a glimpse of what it will be like. I doubt my W will agree to it, but I've got to let her know we cannot go on as we are and that I'm prepared to move on with my life, but that I still hold out hope for our marriage.<P>However, things seems to be improving a little. She went shopping last Monday and called me from the store because they had a vacuum cleaner on sale and asked me if she should buy it. I said if she likes it, that's fine with me. Seemed odd since she said she wants a D that she would spend $200 on a vacuum cleaner. She hasn't mentioned D in 6 weeks. <P>Due to the tragedy in NY/Washington, we've spent more time talking and watching TV together this past week. To get away from all the TV coverage, we've watched several movies together. Usually she watches her thing and I watch sports. We ate dinner together every night last week, she even made dinner on Friday. Lately, she hasn't been eating dinner. Also, she went out to get us lunch yesterday, nor for our daughter, just for us. Maybe she just wanted to get out to call OM, who knows. Today, she went to play softball and took our daughter with because her sister is having the family over. At first I was a little disappointed that she didn't ask me to go with, but she called me from her car to invite me. I really like her family so I am going to go.<P>Maybe I'm just looking for a reason to hold out hope. I've seen no signs of depression or withdrawal, so I can only assume things with OM are still going strong. In fact she seems to be acting more like herself. I'm as confused as ever. I guess I will hold off on the "separation" talk for now.<P>sad dad

sad dad,<BR>hmmmm.... well, maybe I'm just an optimist (hehe, couldn't tell that by my user name, huh?), but I agree that you should hold off on your separation talks for now. See what plays out over the next several days. If anything, perhaps just the terrorist events have shaken everyone up a bit, and talk of a separation right now is not the best timing. I'm glad you see some changes recently . Maybe they are a fresh breeze coming in to clear a little bit of fog. Maybe you can turn up your efforts a little to meet some of her EN's.<P>hang in there.... keep us updated

Faith1,<P>How are you? Tough week, huh? Thanks for replying. Good advice.<P>We spent the day at my SIL's. W spent most of the time talking with her sisters and I spent most of the time drinking beer with my BIL's. Pretty usual for family get togethers.<P>When we got home my W put our daughter to bed and we talked for about 2-1/2 hours. Nothing about us, just good conversation about family, friends and stuff like we used to. Funny, there were two episodes of our favorite show on (Law & Order) and we didn't watch a minute of it. It was nice, but I'm reserving my excitement. We'll see how this week goes. Keep your fingers crossed.<P>Have a good night.<P>sad dad<p>[This message has been edited by sad dad (edited September 16, 2001).]

sad dad, <BR>Thanks for asking. I'm not too good right now. Very discouraged. I can float along until the end of the month and then I'm going to Plan B if things aren't any better. I'm losing "faith". Plan B for me will be the end, I believe. But I can't go on. Sept. 30 has been my goal for a while, and I think it's right on time.<P>I'm soooooo glad you have a little fog-clearing happening!!! I hope that's what it is. You're right - don't get too excited - no expectations. You've done a great job, so keep it up. It will all be worth it if the fog clears - and if not, you've grown in the process.

Faith1,<P>I'm sorry to hear this. The only suggestion I can make is not to set a timetable to plan B, you'll know in your heart when the time is right. A problem with plan B is that for it to be effective, you can't go back to plan A, so just be sure that when you do plan B you're ready to stick it out until the end, regardless of the outcome. Good luck and God bless you.<P>sad dad

thank you, sad dad. <P>You are right. I'm very discouraged, but I am scared to move to Plan B. It really is too soon (4 months since d-day). I just don't feel like I can go on right now. I'm going to read and study some more tonight. I need some motivation, so I'm going to search and pull up some old stories. Reading K's words today has inspired me and reminded me of the possible success that could still be around my corner.<P>thanks again, sd. It's so nice to be cared about and be reminded that I'm not the only one riding this roller coaster.<P>