I dont understand where my feelings are coming from. Maybe some of you can help me out here.<BR>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++<P>OK... SO he cheats on me and I decide to stay because I love him more than anyhting and KNOW we can make this work. He is so happy for the first few weeks, and now I keep getting the feeling that he is just living his own regular life again. I feel like we got a second chance and everytime I look at him I am so happy we are surviving this infidelity. <BR>When he looks at me, I get the feeling that he is already being his old comfortable self again. I am the house wife. I cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of the baby. <BR>Why cant I be his beautiful wife who he almost lost because of his selfishness? I want him to show me that he is thankful that I am still here. I want him to appreciate me as his wife.<P>I have talked to him about how I feel and he just says "Honey, I am glad you are here."<P>Well then show it damn it!!!<BR>I am just starting to get angry. He makes me feel like he isnt even happy with me and HE is the one who begged me to stay with him.<P>Anyone else ever feel like this? What do I do?<P>Heather<P>------------------<BR>"What do you do when the person who usually wipes away your tears is the one who is making you cry?"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by StayStrong:<BR><B><P>Well then show it damn it!!!<BR>I am just starting to get angry. He makes me feel like he isnt even happy with me and HE is the one who begged me to stay with him.<P>Anyone else ever feel like this? What do I do?<P>Heather<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>YES, YES, YES!!!!! I feel like this every day. He cheated on me with multiple women for 3 years, begged me to stay, tells me he loves me to pieces, but can he spare the time to meet my needs and let me know that he appreciates me? Ha. Nope just more demands on how I can make his life better.<P>I wish I knew what you should do. I was hoping someone would tell me.<P>Tell me more of your story. It sounds like mine.<P>Cerri

{{{{{{StayStrong}}}}}}<P>Great name. Now you're going to need to live it I guess. I read your post and saw that you didn't have many responses. Many of us as the same question day after day. I don't have any answers for you, just encouragement. You need to wait for the fog to clear or for the aliens to return your H. I'm working my butt of and my W (WS) doesn't seem to do anything to meet my needs or to work on her part of the marriage. My W doesn't even want me to meet many of her EN, partially because she feels guilty that she is not meeting several of mine. No, sometimes you've got to show the change and become an attractive spouse and live for StayStrong.<P>Sorry I can't help more but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Also, there appear to be many success stories here that you, I, and other BS can find hope in. People that have said the same thing and repaired their relationships. Stay strong and work hard. Maybe you'll find eventually that you won't reconcile the marriage but you'll be helping yourself. <BR>SG

Heather:<P>You need a plan, with concrete goals and measurable results. And probably a counselor (coach) to take you through this plan.<P>Harley's "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" is designed for this type of situation, but you're probably going to need some help in executing it. Have you done counseling?? If not, I highly recommend the phone coaching available through MarriageBuilders (888-639-1639 for appointments). Steve or Jenn Harley would help you and your husband define goals for your marriage, and they'd help coach him to get on track.<P>It sounds like you're doing pretty well at meeting his needs (he appears to be happy). But often times the betrayed spouse has just as many issues as wayward spouse concerning the marriage---and you're going to need to bring those up with your husband in a non-lovebusting way.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by StayStrong:<BR><B>I want him to show me that he is thankful that I am still here. I want him to appreciate me as his wife.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>When you figure this out let me know...I am wishing my W (WS) would also show some significant appreciation for what I did to keep our marriage together.<P>We are in counseling and so this may come up as an issue...I suppose it is bound too.<P>Are you in counseling? <P>I really can relate to not having the BS work appreciated. As usual it is the BS's work and commitment that seems to go unrewarded.<P>Hang in there. I am, and I am hoping to see some better days ahead.<P>Good luck<P>E <BR>

I felt like that too, at the beginning stages of recovery. You are finding out how recovery can actually be harder than plan A or B.<P>What do you do?<P>You need to talk to your H in a way he will understand you. He needs to know what it is that you truly want. Do you know? Filling out the EN questionnaires will help you both. <P>You also need to talk to him and find out what he is doing that makes him feel he's showing you how much he appreciates you standing by him. It is highly possible that he is doing things he THINKS you'll notice. But you obviously aren't... so talk to him about it. At the same time, he might just be trying to make things like the way they were before, thinking that that will help. We all know that won't. So talk to him.. help him to understand you.. but start by understanding him (someone has to make the first move, right?)<P>I know that with my H and I, we were talking about these types of things prior to the major crap hitting the fan... but we didn't know how to deal with them. We are all so fortunate here, because we now have the tools and guidelines we need to know what to do. Use them. My suggestion is to start with the various questionnaires, if you aren't sure how to talk about it without that guideline to follow.<P>Take care,<BR>Karen<BR>

I just wanted to thank all of you wonderful people! <BR>I did talk to my husband and things are much better. He is being "cute" all the time and he tells me a million times that he is so thankful that I am his wife. Makes me smile just typing this.<P>Thank you all... AGAIN..<P>Heather<P>------------------<BR>"What do you do when the person who usually wipes away your tears is the one who is making you cry?"

Sounds wonderful. So happy for you <BR>Cerri

Heather, the truth is, no matter what he does, you'll always have a right to feel that it is not enough. There is no way he can truly make it up to you for what he did. But that is where you come in. Your feelings are natural, but keep them under control. He loves you and he is making a huge effort and sacrifice on his part to be with you. It's hard to look at it that way. But he gave up that relationship for you, and that's something to smile about.<P>It looks like you're getting stronger already =) Keep at it!

Topie25...ahh yes, I agree with your answer. I also feel like staystrong sometimes. I also have to remind myself not to use it as a LB--when I get frustrated with H's everyday demeaner--like sometimes I feel everything is just swept under the rug and we go on living although we both try not to LB... I feel the need to get to the bottom of things and "fix them"....it gets me into trouble too because sometimes I just don't like his answers....Not an easy issue.<BR> I have filled out the questionaire at the beginning of Aug. We still haven't gone over it. Counselor also said not to discuss our relationship until she is there to mediate. I want him to be honest with me most of all....even if it hurts. If I need time to think and recover, and digest what he has said, then so be it...but I need the honesty. I can change the wrong things I have done if I don't know what they are. Ask him to help you understand. Life gets so frustrating at times!!<BR>Mikkey