Let me start by saying we have been apart for 10 months now, and We both plan Bed at first also love busted big time. She cried all the time at first now I'm the one crying cause I did'nt do anything about this when I had the chance and the door was open. We even had a huge fight inthe way for my 3month old to be born. That Day My life changed and went stairt to PlanA. I have been here ever since. things were going great. we started talking again i go to her house. there is no intamacy, but good company. <P>She had thid probablem over the weekend and now she says there is even another new man. (all have been from her work). She says he shows her how a relationship should be. <P>Last night she told me about him and said there could be no us ever. She also said Why wasn't I this way before. We have actuall been like a rel family. I love it, but it don't seem to matter to her.<P>She also says that my attitude and action will not last for ever. So if I go to planB will she just say I told you so or start to see how much I love her and start missing me again?<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

I need to know aboutthis letter yall talk about I will see her tomorrow night.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Also I don't think I could start now what about the Holidays. she has asked me to go to her families for thanks giving, and Told me lastnigh that I will always be welcome to their gatherings.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brownphd:<P>Plan B is not a trick or ploy. It's a defense strategy used to save your love for your wife. And only you can answer when you've had "too much" and can't take Plan A any more.<P>But... learn to listen to your wife.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>She also says that my attitude and action will not last for ever.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>What she's telling you is that you need to exhibit a consistant track record with this new behavior. And things have been getting better. If you do decide plan B is in the future, I'd make sure that she's not viewing your separation from her as you reverting to "your old ways". It's hard, but you don't want to associate plan B with punishing your spouse.

Me going back to my old ways is what I wont do. think she would think this. I'm not sure If Plan B is for me. I'm trying to figue this out.<P>To me she Is in an Inbeween A&B. She tells me tat the kids want me to come over, but I don't know if this is them or her or both. I like what we have. I dont like the fact she still sees other men, I cant do any think about that. <P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Fisrt off, Plan B is not to discuss with her. Don't let her know you're gonna do it. When the time is right for you, "just do it."<P>The letter is basically something like this;<P>Dear Mrs Brownphd,<P>I love you.<BR>The last x months I have been through a lot. I understand/am learning to understand my behaviors which led us to this point in our relationship. I am not saying all the problems were yours. I had problems in dealing with our marriage (any examples here. Not caring enough, angry outbursts, etc.) and I'm learning new techniques and principles which will allow us to have a much healthier, better, and more satisfying relationship.<P>Since you are having an affair with xxx and do not wish to try and repair our marriage, you must know how much this is hurting me. I cannot go on like this.<P>Until you make a decision to quit the affair, I will not be able to have any contact with you. I'm not doing this to "punish" or "get back" at you. It is solely for my well being.<P>Please know I do still love you and I want nothing more than to get back together and repair our marriage. When you decide you want to give us a chance, then I will be ready to discuss our future, but NOT until your affair is over.<P>If you have kids you'll want to get a third party to help to keep contact to a minimum.<P>You may see the children whenever (set days with her), just let me know.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Plan B is not to get her to "see the light" (well, it's a side effect sort of). It is for you.<P>My Wife talked with Steve Harley one time. He got out of her that she thought even if I did change, it would only be temporary and I would fall back into old habits. You gotta make sure you are doing what you need to so you don't fall back into old habits .<P>You say you've changed. PROVE IT TO HER! Over & over & over. It's the only way she will see that you have really changed.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Thanks a lot for that. I think that is what she wants me to do right now. I dont know I hate having to think<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

I have been trying t show her over and over again, She says it makes her sick How careing how helpful, how much time I spend with the kids, write notes give complaments. She dont know what to think<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

She says it makes her feel sick. Translate sick into GUILTY. She doesn't want you to be so wonderful while she is being so awful.<P>Steve Harley says that Plan B is to prevent further pain to the betrayed spouse and to preserve love units either spouse still has.<BR>He ALSO says that one side effect of plan B, if done correctly, with no contact, is that it will show your spouse any needs that you were meeting that the lover cannot. Plan A is to provide as many of those needs as adequately,lovingly, and as often as possible.<P>My H didn't like my nice behavior while in plan A either. Actually, he liked it, but he tried to discourage me from it in various ways and sometimes he would let me know how guilty he felt.<P>As far as the holidays go, yes, it might be a hard time to start plan B, but if you're feeling like you might be at the end of your rope with plan A behavior, then you have to do plan B now to preserve those love units. You'll have many more holidays to ENJOY PROPERLY - with NOBODY else involved - in the future. Lean on God,family, friends, and this website while you are in plan B. Remember, God hates divorce, and loves for us to come for him to comfort, trust, patience, hope, AND restoration.<P>Good luck and God bless!!!

As far as being at the end of my rope. i don't think I am I can Be like this for good I think. Its seems so easy, and I told her that last night. I aslo told her that I don't know why I did'nt do it before.<P>I dont want to be walked on either. She is seeing this man and has love from me that aint really fair is it. She is probably eating this up right now. I dont think plan B is for me Its not like me. I didnt like it when we first split up. when all we did when we did talk is fight. Now we get along great, but there is still OM clouding her mind.