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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 150
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 150
Hi Everyone....<P>I am so frustrated. My bestfriend is now going through betrayel. She is a BS and now I find out a WS. I am going through just about the same things she is and have been for some time. So, I don't think my advice will help. Well, I think it helps cause she knows I understand what she is going through, but I am just getting frustrated cause I don't think she is hearing me. <P>Anyways, I told her about this site and I gave her one of my copies of "Surviving an Affair". She registered with the site but has not come here since. She says she read a few pages of the book but is now making excuses as to why she can't read it(I get sleepy when I read, no time, etc...) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>Right now, even though she knows nothing about Plan Aing or Bing, she is in sort of a Plan B. I have talked to her everyday and everyday she says she does not know what to do. One moment she wants him home and the next she enjoys him now being in the house cause the peace and quiet. <P>How can I get her to come here? Do you think she likes feeling like she is the only one going through something like this? Or, maybe, her coming here validates what is going on? Maybe, she thinks why if everything is going to be okay in a few weeks - she doesn't need any help? Maybe she thinks everyone will tell her to leave him.... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]...no, really, maybe?<P>Clouds <P>Ideas anyone...please [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 344
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 344
Have you asked her what she wants to do? What does she want in life, in marriage, future? I think those are important questions to determine where she stands. You can use those answers to creat a good argument on what she needs to do to follow through with what she wants. Even if she is undecided you could use that to convince her this place could help her realize what she wants. <P>Tell her what this place has done for you, and also reassure her of her fears if that is the case. It doesn't sound like she is wanting her marriage or maybe she isn't willing to work on it. Perhaps she feels it is a lost cause and you could convince her otherwise. <P>I am just throwing ideas out there. I hope maybe someone else has a better Idea, mine seems more of an answer your questions with more questions, either way I hope I helped [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,526
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A friend (Survivor aka NoTrust) got me here, I met her via the net and we are both BS's she just kept talking to me about it and emailing me links till I came here. No pressure she just told me about the great folks here she was right.<P>You can't make your friend show up and post, you can only encourage her. MB is not for everyone, I have friends who were offended by the site and it's principles. To each their own.

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 276
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Posts: 276
I agree with SEM, Does she really want to work on her M? Are her eyes elsewhere? Does she feel like it's her fault in any way. <P>Tell her that there are WS like myself that she can get answers from, and to vent about M. That's why I love to come here. Everybody has a different aspect of things and no one judges. <BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>

Joined: Jul 2001
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Posts: 150
[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Thanks you guys!! I will try these things. You are so right. She does talk about things that make me think she does not want to work on the marriage, but then she talks about how she does want it to work. I don't think she knows. Personally, I think she stays because of financial reasons. I will let her vent some more to get a fix on things. My poor friend, she really needs some help. .<P>Thanks again [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>Clouds


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