Well we had joint counseling last night and I left there devastated. My H will not commit to ending contact with OW. He is back to focusing on all of my faults (my anger, pretty much the only one). He actually told the C that I haven't changed since he left in March. We had a stupid fight the other night about apple pies (too long to go into). I tried to explain to my H that I wasn't angry over that stupid situation, but I WAS angry and hurt that he continues to lie to me about contact with OW, that I have to "find out" on my own, and that after 2 1/2 months of more lies since he came home, YES MY ANGER IS BACK! In order to deflect the attention from him and his continued lies and betrayal, he's got to go back to my anger. It's too hard for him to admit that what he's doing is wrong and hurtful. The counselor said it would be pointless to continue the joint counseling as long as my H is still waffling. We will go to our separate counseling sessions with him to work on our own issues. He got permission to discuss things we talk about at the other's session, if he felt it was warranted. Then the counselor asked about separating again versus my H continuing to live at home while there is still contact.<P>Folks, I gave my H Plan B letter on 7/3. He called on 7/6, professed his great love for me and begged to come home. My first mistake was letting him. We've been through 2 no contact letters, which my H regretted mailing. We've been through numerous "discoveries" of continued contact on my part, and my H's seemingly truthful "remorse". A couple of days after remorse comes his finger pointing back at me. Today I feel as if he has WASTED the last 2 1/2 months with me. I could have been well onto some sort of recovery for me had it not been for his LIES. I'm sad because if things with OW are as he says "just friends", why is it so hard for him to END IT FOR GOOD with her? I feel like he has NEVER loved me enough.<P>Then when we got home last night and I wanted to talk about what to do, he said "I'm tired, can we do it tomorrow." Like, I've only been waiting 6 MONTHS, what's another day!<P>Can I have a hug please?

<<<<<<<<<<<M.O.M>>>>>>>>><P>There's a big hug from me to you. I am so sorry for what you have to go through right now.<P>You have not wasted the last 2 1/2 months of your life. You lived, you learned, and now it's time to act again.<P>Your H continuing individual counseling will help in the long run. You too.<P>Stay strong.<BR>HbH

((( )))))))) I remember having to quit marital counseling for several months when H was waffling. Then he finally started going again but didnt know if he 'wanted to participate' as he put it. I wanted to whack him over the head with my purse! The nerve! Its best to go by yourselves for awhile if he is not wanting to commit to you. Have you read any books by Emily Brown? She has several that are talk about split self affairs where their waffling and indecision is protracted- you could learn alot from reading her books about why your H is doing this. My H is 43 and very mid life crisis and this was what he did too. I thought he might be in an exit affair but that has not proven to be the case. Hang in there and you deserve to feel your anger. Dont suppress it. Try to emotionally detach to preserve what love you have left. lifeismessy

Thanks for the responses. As far as reading any more, I feel that I've read it all. I'm kind of tired of knowing more about what my H is going through than he does. I don't have any more patience for a grown man who had no problem making the decision to cheat, but can't make the decision to save his marriage before it's too late. I just talked to him about discussing the terms of our separation tonight. You know what the BASTAR* said? He said "Big Brother might be on tonight, if it's not, maybe we can go out for a beer and talk." That's how fricking important our marriage is to him right now. It's so typical of him. EVERYTHING else is more important than me and our marriage. It's almost comical if it weren't so dam* sad.

Actually, I was just thinking....What is there left to really discuss?<P>I think I would just tell him to pack his stuff...or YOU could pack it for him....<P>He can find somewhere else to watch Big Brother!!