Hi all -<BR>Thanks for responding to my first post....sorry it took me so long to resond but a. I've been crazy-busy the past couple of days and b. I couldn't log on to the website when I tried on Tuesday (what is up with that?)<BR>Question - why do I no longer see my first post listed in September 17th posts? <BR>k9love - I am paying $65 an hour for my PI - it seems you may have yourself a deal at $45....my PI gave me an estimate of how many hours he would "probably" use to get me the information if there was any and he came in 1.5 within his estimate....I'm going to continue to use him on occasion just to check up....expensive (I think I've spent about $500 as of this point) but worth it....obviously my H knows I've hired a PI and is well aware that I haven't asked for my retainer (250 by the way) back...and will spend more of our money checking up on him. Good luck to you.<BR>Louser - I really think everyone has to handle the situation in a way that is best for them...I am really blown away by some of the posts/what WS's do and yet the BS is still willing to work it out....I really see my reaction as weaker when compared to these folks....hope all works out for you.<BR>Nerlycrzy - I've checked out the whole site - thanks!<BR>Dana - you sound like me - less than patient! Hope everything works out for you. Sounds like it is going well.<P>Someone said "you sound strong" - well...sometimes...and sometimes not at all....it's kind of a "flying by the seat of my pants" situation. If I were to explain the conversation I had with H last night many here would say I LB'd like crazy...which I did....but for me and H these talks/my reaction seems necessary...and each one makes me feel better and better...but it will be a long time before my heart heals from knowing that my husband was in a relationship with another woman, regardless of what they did or did not do and regardless of what they did/did not say to each other because none of the details is really the point...it's the simple betrayal that is sooooo painful...and I'm absolutely not over it and really not even ready to try to be over it.<P>Well, that said, H and I are off to Hard Rock Hotel/Hard Rock Live for an "adults only" weekend - I'm WAY EXCITED - hope everyone has a good weekend....<P>LLL<P>

LLL,<P>You aren't going to find your original post under the date you posted it. The date changes according to the date of the most current response. If you are unable to find your post just by searching down the list, use the search feature or click on the sunglasses up by your name. After your profile comes up, you can click on the link to list all posts by this user. Takes awhile but you will get all of your posts and any post you have responded to. <P>You can't be expected to be "over it" yet. It is still far too fresh and hurtful. It takes a long long time for that pain to ease. Longgg time. Even at 3+ years of recovery, I occasionally have a bad day. Not nearly with the gutwrenching pain of early discovery but hurtful, nevertheless. <P>It's important for the two of you to discuss the affair, but make every attempt in your power to not LB. I know it's almost impossible to not cry, but give it your greatest effort to not show anger, to yell or get irate. You are going to gain far more by listening when he is willing to talk and he won't be willing if he feels attacked. Are you still investigating counseling? Since this is such a painful subject to discuss, it would be so helpful if you could do that in a controled setting with a third party mediating. I called 4-5 counselors suggested and approved by our insurance company. When they returned my call, I interviewed them on the phone, rather than immediately making an appointment. During the phone interview, I gave them a very brief rundown on our situation and asked for feedback. I also asked what percentage of their clientel was based on martital problems, specifically infidelity. Since I also knew of this website and liked what I read, I also questioned if they were familiar with Harley's methods and if they supported it. Don't be afraid to ask questions. This person is going to "be working" for YOU two. To help rebuild your marriage. By the way, this site, the Harley's offer phone counseling. I have never tried it, but have heard it is terrific and well worth the cost. <P>LLL, sounds like you two are off to a good start by meeting this head on with a perseverence to save your marriage. I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep up the good work and continue to post.