i posted on 9/10 how ws was living with ow and his mother went over and things got a bit messy. and then he was telling me he wanted a divorce b/c of his mothers actions.well since the whole world trade ctr attack husband claims he saw what he had a chance of losing (me and his daughter) and decided to tell ow he was moving out b/c he wanted to spend more time w/his daugther and be closer to her. he did move out (i didn't know he was leaving when he did)he is still lying though b/c he told ow his is staying with his aunt when he actually came home. ow told him if he stays at home with me/child they could never get back together.the ow is supposedly so hurt (affair lasted 1 yr)even though i still think something is going on.they work together. i told him if his family meant anything to him he was just tell her the truth and admit he is with his family.they are suppose to be over so whats the big deal?i am hurt by all of this. i never did say just come on back.we do attend counseling but i just feel like he is a liar and i will not continue in the whole affair circle with him.other woman feels he is hers so why did he come back why cant he just stay with her instead of driving me and our child crazy with the back and forth.he had been saying for some months that he would return but i didn't think it would be that sudden. he now is on this lets be friends and if that doesn't work than we can divorce. i just cant stand to be hurt anymore than i already am i don't understand why he ever left if he is gonna continue to lie and play games.what is left b/c i am totally exhausted and i know if we are to work this out it will take time but i told him ow must not be in the loop b/c then how will we ever build a friendship and if he keeps it up like this we will only be enemies.any advice?pls share.

<P>Hi,<P>This may sound harsh, and I am really sorry for it. But some things stand out to me here.<P>You were not ready for him to come back...he is on the cake and eat it trail...ultimatum time.<P>He has to end it with OW with a no contact letter etc, etc, and commit 100% to you, or he has to go.<P>What, he moved back in without your permission? Sure sounds like it. What sort of a message do you think that gave him? Am I right that i think he turned up at your door with his stuff, without consulting you? <P>Most here say to be really careful about allowing WS's to move back home too soon. A's should be OVER, POJA's must be attained and you have to feel in total agreement with it.<P>Don't be afraid to put your foot down. Sometimes that is just what they need.<P>Whew! Sorry, maybe I shouldn't post today!!!

I agree with nina. I was way too soon for your H to come home. But now that he's there, you have to work on that.<P>I also agree with it being ultimatum time. There are things that YOU need in order to move on with your M. You're obviously not satisfied with things the way they are (and I don't blame you one bit!).<P>Let us help you with your plan. What do you want to happen (actions by your H) that would make you feel better about having him home?<P>Karen<BR>

We are in similar positions right now. My H came home TOO soon. Of course, I BELIEVED him when he said he loved me and it was over with OW. What a mistake that was. He's been home 2 1/2 months and is still lying and talking to her. I am fed up (like you) and want him to leave. I think you need to think about it for a few days without talking to your H about it. When you are SURE that you cannot continue to plan A, go to plan B and try to make him leave. The problem I'm having right now is that my H TOLD me he'd leave if I needed him to, but now is acting as if he WON'T leave unless he's forced by a legal separation. They sure do make it tough on us while they're in the "FOG" don't they? I'll pray for you...<P>MOM