I haven't posted for awhile because it has been very difficult to even view the site....<BR>UPDATE:<BR>You know how the lies go on and on.....well H had told me that he had told OW it was over FOR SURE 8-21st....(I think this is the 4 or 5th time...) and that he was not calling her anymore on his cell phone....To refresh your memory, she works for him...they spend as many as 12 hours aday together (2nd shift)...I had asked him to change jobs and supposedly he has requested that (but according to him, it can't happen "over night")...so he was still in contact with her everyday besides the cell phone calls....<BR>This is what happened over the weekend....H told me Sunday night that he felt like he was waking up from a horrible dream...he didn't want to talk about it but that he was sorry....That was Sunday night, I didn't respond and just went to sleep...On Monday, before he left for work, he started crying and told me that he was sorry and that he hoped I would give him a chance and be patient with him....again on Tuesday, we had the same type conversation...that he had changed and was wanting to stay home....What is killing me now is that I have received his cell bill up through last Friday, Sept. 14th and can see that he was calling her right on....just like always....when he was telling me that he wasn't and the same old lies, stories I have been listening to for months....I just went nuts last night and I don't know what to think!!! All I can think about is the LIES, LIES,....how can I trust what he said this week? He makes me sick....I can't stand to be around him and want him out of my face....I really feel like I hate him.....I know I am rambling on but I just need to vent!!! really bad.... no sleep last night.......when he came home...he said you know I have changed!!! <BR>I have asked him a million times to be honest with me...why didn't he tell me he was calling her when I have asked!! He knew I would see the bill and know!!! He told me - I knew it would make you mad....I said to him - it would have been allot better for you to tell me than me find out by seeing the bill!!!I love Busted big time last night - right now I don't care.....I hate being the one trying all the time to keep this marriage together!!! I don't know what to think now....I did go back and re-read "Coping with Infidelity: Part 4 Overcoming Resentment again hoping it would calm me down.....Knowing that he lied right up to Friday makes me sick and I just don't know what to do now that he tells me he's CHANGED???? I did sense a feeling of him coming out of the fog for the first time since this has happened....I just want him away from OW ...if he won't move should I suggest he get out? Also, any suggestions on how to let go of the anger, I just want to knock huge holes in the walls of my house.....(I haven't done that but I feel like I am going to explode!)<P>------------------<BR>always-faith4us

{{{{{{{{{{{{{faith4us}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I am so sorry your here. It sucks to be us, hugh? One thing I have learned is words mean nothing. Actions and consistancy speak louder than words. It doesn't surprise me anymore when there are lies. <P>Also the fact that he says he is trying to change his job but "it can't happen overnight". I don't know what he does but I think there are 2 options: 1) if he tells his boss that his marriage is dependant on it - swallows his pride and confesses his wrong and that he NEEDS to change jobs instead of just sitting around for an opening. He is riding the fence on that one. 2) there is something called FLMA - this is a government rule for employers to follow for temporary family leave. Usually offering 3 - 6 weeks with pay but it guarantees employee can get 12 weeks off and be guaranteed a job back. If one of you is on anti-depressents your counselor can write permission for him to take off.<P>Yes I think an ultimatum is in order. I don't think he should work there another single day. But I don't know what your financial situation is like. He has to do an about face - if his employer won't work with him - quit and go get another job.

All I can really say to your situation is.... Trust your heart. If you cant take his lies anymore and you have proof that he is calling her... You dont need that nor deserve it.<P><BR>Give him time. Maybe he will come to see that he is making a mistake by calling the OW. I am sure that he loves you.<P>Hang in there and keep us updated if you can.<P>Heather<P>------------------<BR>"What do you do when the person who usually wipes away your tears is the one who is making you cry?"

Thanks notheard and StayStrong for your replies.....After I calmed down some yesterday...we talked and I guess he is going to stay home for now and work on our relationship but I tell you, I am at the end of my rope....I guess for my own emotional survival he will be out of here if I find/discover any evidence he is talking to her from this week forward....just this morning I explained to him again that by not getting away from her at work...he is setting himself up for failure....he will more than likely be pulled back in with her and when it happens......BYE BYE.....I am through and I made absolutely sure he understood so when it happens, he won't be surprised.....I am so sick of this mess and the pain is just becoming to much.........Love can turn to hate pretty quick when you are mistreated for years at a time....you can only take so much rejection, disappointment, aniexty, hurt, selfishness, betrayal, etc..... and then it's over.....<BR>barely hanging on.......Please pray he has really CHANGED as he calls it and we can make it.....this is for sure my last shot at it.....<BR>Thanks<BR>Dianne