I have finally given up on my H. He has cancelled counseling 3 times and never made any efforts in contacting me to do things together or work on our marriage. On Tuesday I found out he is no longer living with his mother but with a guy from work (for 2 weeks now). He called me on Tuesday and played things off for a while about how he is coming back but he's not ready to yet, blah, blah, blah. Then he started about how he didn't have time to talk about things on the phone and I told him he never has time for me except for himself and his friends. That's when he said he wanted a divorce and that he was going to call me that night to let me know. I asked him if he was sure about the divorce and he said yes, he's happy with his life the way it is now. <P>After that conversation I went to see a lawyer and filed for divorce. I'm fed up with his lies and his being effortless in wanting to work on our marriage. I can't continue living day to day with the hopes of our marriage coming back together and him telling me that he's coming back only to tell me that he now wants a divorce and made his decision over the weekend.<P>Some tell me that I made a hasty decision and others tell me that I did what I felt I had to do. I have to get rid of the problem and its my H. My mother-in-law told me that she feels her son doesn't want a divorce and only said that. She wanted to know what I would do if he would plead with me that he would change and wants our marriage. I told her I'm not giving him a chance because he didn't give me or our marriage a chance.<P>I'm done with him!!

Ela<P>Sorry things have turned out this way. I think I posted to you fairly recently saying we all have our own limits, we just don't always know where they are. It appears you found where yours were. That's neither right nor wrong it just is your limit and how much you can take. <P>Once we are pushed there, it seems we can say that's it, enough and emerge stronger. I hope that's the case for you.<P>No one can say whether your decision was hasty, because no one is in your shoes. Only you are and you have to do what is the right thing for you.<P>Good luck <P>E

Sorry to you... I hope that things get better for you. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>S~T~A~Y~ S~T~R~O~N~G<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Sometimes things are beyond your control. Maybe you should just make the best of the situation. Live through it, Learn from it, and Move on.<P>Good luck and my thoughts are with you.<P>Dont forget the golden rule: Time Heals All Wounds <P>~Heather<P>------------------<BR>"What do you do when the person who usually wipes away your tears is the one who is making you cry?"

I understand just how you feel. You deserve to be happy again. with or without H. good luck. God Bless.<P>jd

Hi ELAD - yes, you have posted to me before. <P>I just couldn't take the way my H was handling things and that was him not handling them at all. He came over today to get the rest of his things and I told him I filed for divorce. Me telling him that didn't seem to bother him one bit. But it was funny how all kinds of blame was being put on me for the way our marriage ended up. I told him that I made every possible effort in making this marriage work and he did nothing but lead me on for 2 months. I asked him one more time before he left if he really wanted a divorce and he said yes, he can't come back to someone he doesn't love anymore and that he can't stand women.<P>I made a very big decision and made a big step in going ahead with filing for divorce. Believe me, I never imagined my marriage would end, I don't think anyone does when they have hope that it can work but its hard when the other person makes no possible effort except for 1 counseling session. <P>I know that even though I am the one who took this step in filing for divorce, I am hurting because I loved and cared about this person for almost 8 years of my life and now he's gone and doesn't want to give this a chance.<P>

ela<P>I have been away fromt he board for a few days, but I just wanted to respond to encourgae you to keep your head up.<P>We BSs can tend to beat ourselves up a little...you know, that somehow we are repsonsible or drove our spouses to this. It ain't so. <P>As you said...none of us can imagine our marriages ending up like this.<P>Be strong and be positive about yourself.<P>good luck <P>E

Hi ELAD - thanks for the encouragement. <P>Funny thing yesterday, I called my in-laws and spoke to my father-in-law. They support me 100% in my decision for filing for divorce. My H was living with them and he just picked up and left. My father-in-law said that my H knew they were going to confront him about our marriage and why he wasn't making a decision on coming back etc, so the H left. He said the H can't be confronted with things so he runs away. My father-in-law was right in so many ways about my H and it made me feel a little better knowing that they support me because parents usually support their children through thick and thin.<P>My father-in-law told me that if I would take the H back, that they would lose all respect for me and would never speak to me again. He said I need to move on with my life and be happy. No one really knows where the H is living and my father-in-law said to give it a few months and he will be coming on their doorstep looking for a place to live. If this is the life my H wants to live, then more power to him. He is giving up everything (house, dogs, family, material things, etc) to live this life he wants and has no place to live but jumping from friend to friend. <P>I will continue to feel pain and be hurt but I will get over the hurdles a little at a time as the days go on.