Last week, my H said several times that he is 'lost' and that his brain is in the fog. It seems that lately he has really tried to not be so dependent on the OW. I believe he realizes there is no future there, and he wants our marriage to work (no more talk of divorce). He has been contacting her less and it appears she is the one calling more often than him.<P>Yesterday, he said he wants me to focus on making our marriage happy and loving and not on this OW. I have been actively doing Plan A for about 3 months and I am certain it has been helping. However, I recently found out he was meeting this OW (EA, not PA that I know of) several times over the last few months. We talked about this yesterday, but just to the point that he admitted they met and said it was not a date, just 2 friends meeting. <P>Of course, I want to know more. Did he ask her out, did he pay, where did they go? Is this a bad idea to ask these questions now, if he appears to be emerging from the fog. Is this something I should let go? I know I can ask the questions and not lose my temper, but would asking be a LB? <P>Also, would now be the time to help him realize that this was indeed an EA? Should I be explaining what that is and how we need to work together to make sure that this won't happen again. I have learned so much from MB, but I haven't shown him much because he always says I look for recipes for life. He won't fill out the EN questionaire. Where/how should I start?

smile,<BR>Just let you know that I feel your pain. I'm a BS and my H actually had a year long PA. It must be so hard to be in your situation, reminds me that "big stone stuck in my throat" feeling after d-day. Considering that, I'm amazed how well you're handling it. I'm sure that because of your good PlanA, he started to realize this OW is not his dream girl. Actually meeting her and her calling him up more often help him to come to his sense.<P>Since you are a very good planAer, I don't think asking Qs and expressing your hurt feelings from their contacts are LBs for you. If they share something (a thought, a talk, even a small something) but don't include you, there is something wrong between you and your H. It seems your situation is harder than actual PA since your H don't see it is "too wrong". <P>But I know for sure that it's NOT a good idea for him to think that you are OK with them contacting each other, especially the way they don't include you...<P>I hope some other people come and help you out, sorry I can't offer any good advice. Just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you. You are doing great, I wish I was that good...

Good question, Smile.....<P>Easy answer but hard to implement. The correct answer is to not ask. But curiosity might kill the 'cat' for now. <P>Let your H continue to show you his ability to recomit to the marriage. In time, when his love bank is built up, he will be comfortable to share with you what you need to recover. <P>Let him progress in his recovery, then both of you will have to give attention to your recovery also. <P>L.