I'm not sure really what I want to say...to recap my H and I both had A's... mine was with his best friend ...being in the military we were able to move away to start fresh-to give it another try, but when we got there he decided that he didn't want to be married anymore.. after a huge fight he told me to leave.. we both apologized and talked about blowing up with each other so I left on good terms.. he showed that me leaving was hard on him as well and admitted at "breaking down"...after 2 days on the bus I came back home, I was thrilled when he called to check on me!! ...BUT I know that was cause he does still care for me...(he tells me he loves me just not wanting to be married)He got on internet last night and told me that he called his BF AND he called the OW---he said that he just had to close things up and "make things right" with both of them..actually this did not make me jealous or anything.. I just let it be and didn't pressure him about what was said...I'm planning on going back in a few weeks... the plan is to make arrangements to get my stuff... but the prayer in my heart of course is that maybe he'll wake up and want to work on this marriage... i still believe that there is SO much potential there.. and that we both can work on this together through counseling and taking it slow again...I realize that I can NOT make someone love me, but his actions and words tells me not to lose complete hope... am I so far out of touch with reality or what? I'm stuck here 2000 miles away and all I want to do is get back to him, and at the same time want to give him his space that he "needs" Any comments would be greatly appreciated right now... thanks

Wow, have you come to the right place <P>Go with hope! It is never too late and you both have love standing at the foundation of what is currently a crumbling marriage. This marriage of yours can be rebuilt.<P>Both of you having As makes it complicated, sure but you both know something went horribly wrong. Get in counselling individually and together (I would suggest not living 2000 miles away if it is not the military making things this way between you)<P>You have the stuff in you to do your part to try to get things back together. It won't be easy and there will be lots of bumps on the road to recovery but it sure sounds like your H is thinking some serious thoughts and reviewing his own priorities.<P>Many more will come along to help you here with their experience and advise. Fire your questions and feelings at the rest of us..we are here for you!<P>Take care, <P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Thanks freshstart... Believe me I do NOT want to be were I'm at right now.. I'd rather be right there with him... but what do I do when I ask him to go to counseling with me and he say "what for, I don't want to be married anymore.and it's not just you"??? He's been talking alot about the good old days when he was 17--I told him that he has grown up and those days were great but it will never be the same... what do u do when he tells you that "your making it easier for me you leaving" when he dropped me off at the bus terminal... when he called me and I started "loosing it" so to say and I could tell he started getting that way that he hurries up and gets off the phone? I've posted before "my story" about a week ago that gets a little more detailed... about the way he has been over the last few months.. reasons why I still have hope... anyway.. thanks for replying.. thank you for the reassurance!!

Hi PC,<P>You are fairly new here. I would like to welcome you to marriage builders. You are located very close me my area. I am in the bay area. <P>Have you read the basic concepts or received the welcome package? It has much information about the useful questionnaires, phone counseling, books such as surviving an affair, his needs/her needs, etc. <P>Does your M have a chance. Yes. The road could be long and painful. It can be a learning experience that helps you and hopefully your H become better persons. That is a reachable goal. <P>Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. This place has really helped me. I have been here since Jan and learned soo much. All our circumstances end up being more than we ever imagined and endured more than we ever thought we would. Yes, we have been tested to our limits and survived. <P>The stories here will make you laugh and cry. Many tears but inbetween, you will see the efforts to many give it their all to help their families survive. There are differences here, persons from many backgrounds and opinions. <P>We don't always agree but do hear each other out. Come here for support, to vent, lend a ear and share a hand. You will see similar patterns yet see the grave differences that you never may have noticed between you and your mate before. Others may help you understand what you and your spouse are going through. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

I have read the basic concepts here on this site and also have read the "His Needs/Her Needs" and "love Busters"... what exactly is the welcome packet? is it on the web site or something different? I have also ordered "surviving Affair" thanks so much...

Hi Pc,<P>How are you doing today? I am glad you were able to read the basic concepts info. The general welcome package introduces you to all the tools available here. Kind of gives an overview. It was put to together by several of the posters. There different versions used here. <P>Since this is a voluntary site, there are not hard fast rules other than common courtesy. Here is the that thread:<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>Also, here is the acronym thread. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000557.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000557.html</A> <P>Hope this helps. At first it might seem like much but these simple reminders can be real helpful when we are stressed. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P> <BR>

PC, I will look up your story. Also hope by replying again to bump your post so more will notice you are here.<P>If being apart cannot be helped (and I am so sorry for your pain), please still get into counselling for you if at all possible. We will do our best to help you here and it will benefit you tremendously if you can come to terms with the past to help you deal with today and the future.<P>Keep hoping for something good. Hugs, FS