I am so tired of taking the blame for everything---I know I had a part in his straying, but I am sick of being the ultimate blame!<P>WH makes me feel that I forced him to come home----He did that on his own.<P>He acts mad at me--i have done nothing--no LB-ing..I know it is his guilt showing.<P>I have only asked that he be honest and open with me, and we will work together, and I will try to understand, and be there for him.<P>But why am I taking all the blame??

Faith, don't LET yourself take the blame. Stand up and draw the lines down the sand. Be willing to listen, to understand, to talk. But don't shoulder the things that are not yours to shoulder. Everyone has their parts in this. Say it to yourself out loud, "This was not all my fault and I WILL NOT let him blame me!!" It's going to make you feel better about you and perhapes even prove your strength to him.

Snobird, thanks for the reply. WE were doing so good for about 4 weeks, and then last week he was distant---I asked him about OW and he said that he hadn't talked to her in 5 weeks---<P>I have a feeling that he wants to, though. H makes me feel that I am the enemy---keeping him against his will. i have told him that he is free to go, but that I am here for him, and love him dearly.<P>He puts this wall up....I mentioned that I would NEVER hurt him, because I love him---and am there for him always---<P>Just am tired of all the negative feelings---from him. i need a little input--Know what I mean??

Faith n Him,<P>This is probably a very hard time for him right now and you are once again getting the brunt of it. He is probably thinking about all that he "gave up" without considering what he would really give up in you. And he misses her terribly. So in his mind you are the reason he is going thru all this. And it doesn't make any difference that it's not true and he did all this to himself. Right now he is grieving over her loss and he still can't or won't allow himself to see how much he has gained by having a loving wife who has stood by him thru all this. Don't accept this blame, but also don't throw it up to him that he causeed it himself. <BR>Keep loving him, but don't be a door mat. Do fun things for yourself. If you must, do things without him while he is in this frame of mind. Let him you you love him, but keep on with your life. As hard as it will be, don't let him moodiness bring you down. <P>I know that when I was going thru all this moodiness my H just loved me inspite of myself. He would say nice things to me. And when I told him I needed space. He gave it to me. But he always gave me a card that showed me how much he cared. he never asked if I ran into the OM or had any conversation with him. He told me that he chose to trust me. And disspite how much I missed the OM, I honored that trust this time and did not have any contact. <P>But, Faith, it has been almost 6 months since no contact for me and sometimes I find myself longing for the OM. So it takes a long time for the feelings to go away. They become less and less, but they are still there.<P>hang in there.<BR>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes