Yep, I actually asked the man to move out. I told him that I think for the time being that we separate. I'll stay in our house with our 4 kids and he can get an apartment. I'll keep the kids M-F, and he can have them on the week-end. Plus I told him it would be financially better for you. He asked how?? It would cost much more if I moved out and left.I would move to my mom's and he would be socked with child support and alimony. I'm trying to make it easier on everybody involved. My H isn't here half the time anyway, he works out of town alot. Plus I'm used to being by myself and handling the kids and house and all that stuff. He said that he really didn't want to leave me or our kids. He just wants me to be nice to him and get along with me. So, that is what I told him last week-end. I have been nice to him all week. Very polite in fact. Last night he comes home and he's smelling like his colonge. I'm like why did you put that on before you came home??? you weren't wearing it when you left?? He gave me an excuse. I told him, do you actaully think i'm that stupid?? I've been through this with you before. You did the exact same thing 6 months ago. Geez... He said that he wasn't seeing anyone and he just wanted me. Of course all this week he's been telling me how much he misses me. Very strange in fact. He actually overdid his excuse last night. He wants s#x all the time and sayd how much he just misses me. I don't get it. What is his problem??? I've been learning to control my anger all year long, which i know was and still is a major thing for him. I told him that i'm human and i will mess up, but in general my anger is in control. He's just been acting strange all week long. Gone til real late, saying he's working late. In the back of my mind i know what your all thinking cause i've thought it too. I'm like, he had better not have got back together with her, cause she can have him if he went back to her. So, last night i ask him this. Why are you here with me and our kids??? He's like what??? i ask him again. He said because i want to be. Then i aske him, and why are we even still married??? he's like because we love each other. I tell him that i'm going to make an appt. with Steve Harley for me. He said make it for the both of us. I'm like why??? He said because we love each other and we need to make things better. I told him that i wanted to heal and recover from this. And that i really wanted him to move out. He again said he din't want to. I told him i would like to move out myself. I said that I need to heal and that means that i need to be away from you.You seem to really not want to do anything about what happened ans thats ok if you choose not to, that is fine with me. But me?? i need to heal and I need to recover and have a life again. He told me that i could never leave him for very long. I would last 2 days and i would miss him too much. He said that to just deal with it. Were togther forever. He wasn't listening to me was he? or was I not listening to him? Paytonrose

I'm bumping this up to get more responses

Definately if he is willing to do counseling, do counseling with him. Also, it sounds like him wearing cologne is a trigger for you - so for him to fulfill your needs he needs to not wear cologne anymore. <P>I too needed my husband gone so I could think. It was like he didn't hear a word I said. I needed space. I packed up me and my kids to go live with a friend for a week because he refused to leave. <P>If you sincerely want him to move out so you can decide what you want then you may need to leave but explain to him it would be nice if he just left so you don't have to uproot the kids. If he thinks you can only last 2 days - challenge him, tell him to give you a chance to show him. <P>Well after I was at my friends for a week, I told him if he didn't move out I would file for divorce. He didn't move out so I filed for divorce. I had to call 911 3 times in 3 months to get him out - but they couldn't make him leave - I threatened a restraining order on him. I explained to him that you can't force someone to stay with you. After 3 months he decided one day he was moving back in. He mailed me a letter saying he was moving back home and then one day I came home from work and he and all his stuff was there - I was so mad - so the next day I changed the locks on him. <P>Finally he left me alone for a month and now we are back together. The thing is your H is not respecting that you need space - you have to set boundaries and then follow through with them. I would also suggest him getting a beeper so you can page him when he is out real late. When he calls back get a number where you can call him back. If he says he is at work then you should be able to call his work. Trust has to be rebuilt. <P>I hope this helps/ <BR>