Essyboo, I don't know what to do. H told me last night that he think after this year we need to separate. That he needs to be by himself. I told him I thought we were going to work it out. He said he didn't want to try and then later i say I should have left him when I had the chance. Plus I told him if he was going to keep the other woman as a "just in case" then there was no need for us to try. He said he still had feelings for this woman. Not love, not even strong feelings. I said that we would not make love until he was willing to commtit to us and our relationship. He said I am trying to punish him by with holding sex. I said no,am not but I will not let you toy with my emotions for the rest of this year and then leave. I will not be convient for you that is not going to happen.<BR> I wrote him a love letter this motning telling him how much I loved him and that I wasn't going to let us give up on us. That all I needed was for him to meet me half way and that meant giving her up. Then I heard this sad song on the radio and I am ready to give in. I am tired of fighting . Help me understand this. When we talk he is very confusing and I tell him this and he says if its sounding confusing to you imagine how it is in my mind. Someone help me understand this.

I'm so sorry I didn't reply earlier.<P>Part of you H anger is toward himself. My h didn't show outward signs of withdrawal from the OW, but I have read of a lot that have.<P>Don't panic about his plans to leave at the end of the year, think of them as a promise to stay until the end of the year. Remember me talking about my shortterm goals, first was our anniversary which was only a couple of weeks then it was the end of the school year which was 9 months.<P>Try not to panic, because panic may lead to anger and that will lead to losing love points. I again will recommend that you get His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley and read it together. <P>Don't think of it as toying with your emotions. He probably is very confused and angry at himself. He will lash out at you to protect himself. Unfortunately the spouse is the person we feel the most comfortable with and the most defensive toward, that leads to them being a perfect backboard to pound our feelings, emotions and frustration on.<P>Try not to push him into making a choice right now. In his mind he has already chosen you. Pushing him may cause him to feel that he has to "have time to figure this out" without you.<P>My H and I fought so much at first. He would start out professing that it was all his fault and I did nothing to deserve it, but as he became more defensive and felt backed in a corner then things became my fault and began to sound more and more like he felt justified for what he had done.<P>Your H's ego is terrible bruised right now. Try your best to nurture it, or if you can't leave it alone and let it heal.<P>If he feels you are giving up he will give up rather than lose.

I'm bringing this back up to the top. I haven't heard from Spicey2 in a while and didn't notice her post to me because it had been pushed down.<P>I hope she is too busy making passionate love to her H to pay attention to the posts.

Well, I think I just had a bad day yesterday. Sorry I was panicking. I heard a lot of sad songs on the radio on my way to work and couldn't deal with it. I cried on the way home because I love my husband very much and I didn't know how to make him fall back into love with me. I was very depressed. I wanted someone to give me exact instructions on how to go about it. <BR> When I got home I talked with my husband and he made me feel a lot better. We talked for a long. Then did the questionaire about needs being met. I am sorry I didn't get on last night.<BR> So how are you doing?I hope things are going well for you.