Well, it's OCTOBER 1st -Did he go?<BR>(Maybe you are on another thread already, I am catching up from the weekend.)<P>Sometimes I think a separation would be easier. It would feel more honest since contact is continuing.<P>I have lurked a lot and some people say separation is the end and some people say that the separation was the part where the WS got out of the fog, so don't despair.

Hi BG, Thanks for checking up on me and just caring enough to post. He hasn't gone but has cleaned the apartment. His bed arrives today. I think he'll probably sleep there tonight. I'm not sure but I think he's pretty sick of the sofa. <P>I'm trembling as I write this but I really believe separation can either be the end or the beginning. I will continue to pray that it is the latter.

Well my H left on Sunday. It was a pretty horrid day. He made love to me in the morning (I instigated it, but got no resistance) He started moving things out at 10:00 am and was gone by 1:00. My resolve not to cry, lasted about 35 seconds (so much for the plan !) The kids were both crying and by the time he walked out the door the last time, he was crying too. He didn't work on Monday (neither did I) but he came around the house to exchange vehicles and came in the house (he had given me back the keys) It was my Birthday Monday... he gave me a kiss when he came in and we talked for a little bit, he gave me another kiss and left. I have not heard from him since then. I have huge anxiety attacks.. they hit me like a wave. I told him I was having Thanksgiving dinner this weekend (Canada here) and if he was interested he should let me know. He has not been on-line that I know of. Some of my friend have said they have not seen him. Either his computer is not hooked up yet.. or something is wrong. He never stays off the computer for very long. I want to call him so badly to see if he is ok. I have resisted so far. I had a nightmare last night that he was taking his EA camping for this long weekend in MY camper !! I have no proof of that but now I have myself upset that perhaps I am right. My little brain is working on ways to figure out if it could be true and how to sabotage his plans (remember I have no proof this is even happening) I am driving myself nuts worrying about things that I have no control over. I was great yesterday but today I am a mess. I think I am going to be crazy before this is over. I want so much to beleive that this is temporary and not to lose faith in him and our marriage. I beleive this separation to be a time of healing and recovery.... have to continue to remind myself of that. I don't trust him that he will not go with this OW. Thanks for letting me vent. <BR>Terrified..... you hang in there ! I am not convinced that being there when he left was a real good thing. But it was a choice I made. I wanted to see what he took and that it was only the things we agreed to. I also thought I might get some closure if I was there as well. Its very painful. And now I have to learn to be alone and do things on my own. And I am scared !!!!<BR>Let me know how you are doing. <BR>Juice 248