I haven’t post in a while but needed some advice and thoughts on recent events. Sense I last posted things have looked good and bad, I guess you could say the way things should. I have been plan Aing my butt off and it seems to be working. W has responded at times and has even been planning for future events. W has been planning a trip for our sons B-day, just us; she wants to spend Thanksgiving out of town for a few days, just us; even has been planning a Christmas away for us. For someone who doesn’t know what they want she does seem to want her family intact. I guess this is all part of the fog. <BR> We’ve had a few arguments from time to time but nothing major. Even when the arguments have taken place we have some how worked them out and cleared the air. W has even admitted to being afraid of making another mistake if she were to make a choice and even talks to me about how she’s feeling and wants to know how I feel. W even said that sometimes she can see a future for us, which she couldn’t see before. W says she has even told OM that she wants to marry him and go with him if/when he transfers, but OM doesn’t believe her and she doesn’t believe herself, no conviction behind her statement. Bothered me some what but I’ve put it in a positive light, maybe starting to see relationship with OM for what it is, an affair. I’ve even went as far as to ask maybe an unfair question but one that I needed answered at the time. Myself and OM work for Fed. Gov. and W has also. We have all done a lot of traveling over the years. I asked her “If it had been, God forbid, you on one of those flights on 9/11, who would you have called ?” I answered the question for myself first. She said it was the hardest question she thinks I have ever asked her and with out second thought she would call me. She would hope she would have time to call OM but I was the one she would need to call and would want to call. I don’t know if that was the wrong thing to do but I was having nightmares about it.<BR> Well here’s the good news, OM is leaving some time over the next two weeks. He is you could say being deployed for the next 6 months. W called Friday night in tears to tell me, she doesn’t believe he’s coming back, that this changes everything and I should be happy. I told here it didn’t make me happy, that I never wanted this. She was being forced to make a choice she didn’t want to make, that as I saw it nothing was changing. That I never wanted to see her get hurt like this. She said that it would only take time for things to change. I let it go, didn’t want to fight over it. I told her to bring the kids over on Saturday and they could stay the weekend with me. She started crying really hard and said “Even though this really hurts you, even though it must hurt like he$$ that I’m this upset over OM, you still care about me, you would let me do this. You are such a wonderful man, what’s wrong with me?” I told her that I was here for her and what ever she needed all she had to do was ask. My MIL though I was being too nice and that I should make her suffer but I though it was the right thing to do. I can’t stand to see my W in such pain yet I’m angry that she could be so upset over OM. I plan to do what I said and be there for her and help her through this, I feel it’s the only thing to do. I just wanted some feed back on how others see it and advice on how I should proceed from here. I believe OM will call her ever day for a few weeks but over time they will separate more and more. I was in the Navy long enough to know long distance relationships don’t work, no matter what your intent and where he’s going will suit him well. He’s made it out like he had no choice but I know better and he’ll be in a position to, as they say, have a different women at ever port. If anything new happens I’ll let you guys know.<P>Thanks,<BR>silwl<BR>

silwl,<P>Reading your post has inspired me. I can understand your W's response to your generosity, reading it moves me. You have handled a painful situation so incredibly well. You deserve to have anything good that comes to you. <P>And although, this isn't how you wanted to see things work out, your W possibly returning because she no longer had a choice about the OM, I can't help but think that sometimes things happen for a reason. This may be a situation that jumpstarts your W on the path she is heading along anyway. <P>She won't return to you just because he is inaccessible. It may help her see her true feelings sooner, but I think you can rest assured that it will not be the only reason she returns to your relationship.<P>Good luck, and thank you for the example. I hope I can face such a situation with my husband with such generosity.

What a TRUE gift you are to your W!! I have also tried to be understanding, but you are showing what a self-less person you really are! <P>Sounds to me like she is wanting to do things with you and family---a great sign.<P>Just try to be patient with her---withdrawal symptoms are he!!.....believe me, my H is going through them at the present time----<P>Good luck to you, and prayers are being said for you!!<P>Krystal

runningonfaith,<P>Thanks for your kind words. I understand what you're saying, I do think this may give her some time to sort things out and maybe even realize that we have alot to fight for. I also must admit that I'm finding it harder as time passes to not allow myself to become bitter. I continue to focus on myself, on our family, on the positive and my hopes and dreams of our future. I know I read some of the post by WS on this board and somtimes think maybe I'm way off track. Maybe she is inlove with OM and has found her soul mate but thats just for a moment or two. I have not seen any action on her part that shows me any commitment on her part or on OMs part to their relationship. Other than her continued affair she has avoided any action that would even suggest a long tern relationship. OM has even lied to his own parents about the whole thing telling them she was already divorced. OMs even had affairs with atleast two other married weman, even been engaged twice.<P>Faith n Him,<P>Thanks for your support. That is one of my fears right now is her going through withdraw. I'm not sure how I will handel it. I know the worst part is going to be for me to see her in such pain. I don't know what that makes me but I'd rather be the one hurting than to see her cry. I'm not sure how to explain but as much as d-day hurt it wasn't as painful as seeing her hurting and not being able to make it better or take it away. I guess I'll soon find out...<P>Thanks<BR>silwl

Here Here!<P>silwl,<P>You are an inspiration to all of us that are going though something similar! Man you just lifted my spirits 100% <BR>You played your cards right and you did it for the right reason! Because you love her! You are a man among men.... It took a lot of courage and heart to do what you did with nothing but love showing. I'm not picking when I say that you are my new hero! Damn it man, that had to be hard on you! What is your secret! I have to face my WS tomorrow after being at work for a month. I hope I can be half as strong as you are! <BR>Things are looking up for you my friend, hang in there and my prayers will be with you!<P><BR>Regards and best wishes<P>Roughneck (S.E.)

Roughneck,<P>I'm glad I was of some inspiration to you. I'm not sure I have any secret or have done anything exceptional. I have made it a point to take everyones advice as that just advice and make my own dicisions. I guess you could say I'm just doing what I thimk is right and what is in my heart, being true to myself not letting this change me in a negative way. Do not get me wrong I have and will continue to make many mistakes but I'm human and I can live with that. I guess I decided that my W has alot of confused feelings right now, I know I'm confused most of the time so she must be. I also know she means more to me than I ever knew and I won't make the same mistakes. I'll walk away from this one way or another but I'll know I gave it my all, no regrets.<P>Thanks <BR>silwl

Just a quick note. Found out yesterday when I took W to lunch that OM is leaving this comming Monday.

silwl,<BR>Your behavior sounds so much like how my H did for me. He was there even when others thought he shouldn't be. He loved me right thru the A. and I am so happy to say that our marriage is getting back on track. Once I let my eyes be opened up, how could I possibly give up a man who loves me that much. I will pray for your W's eyes to be opened to see what a loving man you are.<BR>God bless you,<BR>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes