My wife is going away for several days. She contiues to have a non-physical relationship with OM through regular phone calls. It has been almost a year since her affair and about 6 months since I found out. She states that she has not seen this person for several months. My head is going all over the place thinking of what she and OM might have arranged while she is away. I wnat to confront her with my feelings but when it comes to my feelings and our discussion she has no interest. She has yet to make any ovatures to me with regards to repairing, while I on the other hand have done back flips trying. I.m not sure how to address this issue with her.

Have you read "love must be tough" by James Dobson and "Boundaries in Marriage" by Townsend and Claude? They are good books. <P>I think you have to set boundaries to get her to make a choice. Right now you don't trust her because of her continued contact. What would it take for you to trust her again? Would the "no contact" letter help? Tell her to write it - then give her time to write it. But if she doesn't then she made her decision to be with him and you have to let her go. Read "love must be tough" by James Dobson. By letting her go you also are giving her the option to chose you which takes time but is what happens 95% of the time. But is that a risk you are willing to take? to be the 5% that doesn't make it? When you have had enough it will be. By doing this you are respecting yourself and demanding respect from her. <P>Why is she going away for a couple of days? Can you go with her. <P>Read the info on this site about Radical Honesty and lovebusting. You need to share your feelings in a nonthreatening way. <P>This is just a hunch but it sounds like you are so scared of losing her that you are willing to compromise your own well being and mental health. When you get to a place where you know you can live with or without her then you will open the door to be radically honest about your expectations in a marriage. That yes you love her, but no she cannot continue in this relationship. If you don't put your foot down and force her to make a choice then this can go on forever or until she leaves with OM. Is the OM married? contacting his wife is another way to nip it in the bud. I was so scared of losing my husband that I compromised my own well being and mental health that is why it makes it easier for me to see that is what you may be doing. Now we are back on the road to recovery AGAIN. But the door will always be open for him to leave if he chooses.<BR>