While yes I am happy that my WH is seeing his way back to me and our family. I am now starting to have doubts.<P>There are alot of things that bother me right now.<P>First.....he hasn't said that he actually wants to make a go of our marriage.....right now...he just wants to date and get to know each other better and see where it goes from there...since we've both changed. He doesn't seem to realize that I've been there with him and him with me through those changes.<P>Second....he has said that he doesn't have to think about what he wants....but hasn't actually come out and told me what it is that he wants. I'm not really sure that he knows exactly what he wants.<P>Third.....exactly how can we work on our marriage when we aren't living together? I see this is him still having his cake and eating it too. He still has all his free time...and I'm still here taking caring of the kids on my own. If he wanted to make this work....wouldn't he want to come home.....esecially if he didn't have to think about it?<P>I'm not sure about this anymore.....not sure that this is the right thing to do....there are too many people that have been hurt already that will be hurt again if this doesn't work out. Our daughters especially.....they are hopefull and excited about seeing mommy and daddy back together like we are again.<BR>I'm starting to have some resentment towards him for all of this again. <BR>In my opinion.....you either want it....and take it and make a go of it.....or you cut all the ties and let it go.<P>I'm starting to think that it would have been much easier to have ust stayed away from him altogether.<P>

I too wondered how my marriage would work if my H wasn't living with me. He only went to 1 counseling session and that was it. He made no efforts in doing anything to make our marriage work. He only called me when he needed something and that was it. He was too worried about his life that was going on without me, his friends came first.<P>Finally, last Tuesday he told me that he wanted a divorce. I went and saw an attorney the same day and filed. If my H didn't have those friends that he hung around with while being separated, I think he would have made efforts in wanting to work on our marriage. He chose not to work on anything. My H has lied to me about so many things that I feel that I am better off without him but there are those days that I wish he was back.<P>You can only make that decision if you want to continue to work on your marriage and what is going to make you happy. I thought that filing for divorce was going to take my pain away, it didn't. All I know is that I tried everything I could to make the marriage work, my H chose not to. I have many hurdles ahead of me but I will eventually move on and be happy once again.

H is finally up, and it's time to deal with all of the kids (lunchtime! grin). I'll talk to you later... sorry about icq... it went down on me, and won't start back up again (sigh!).<P>Karen<BR>

Miss Priss,<BR>I think that your indecision at this point is VERY common. We work so hard towards the goal of saving the M. When they show some signs of wanting that (even though not using the specific words we want) we want it all NOW. At least that's how I was. But when my H moved home it was too soon. I know it's tough for you being with the kids, seeing him with no responsibilities, etc. I think this is still Plan A time. Let him see by your actions that you still love him. I think the reason I had so much trouble when my H came home was that while he was there in body, his spirit was not there yet. As a result, while I wanted to talk about things all the time, it pushed my H away. I found out later that the reason he didn't want to talk about things was that he was still heavily involved with OW. He is now gone again (by my choice) because after finding out so many times that he was still lying, I couldn't take it anymore. He has now written and hand delivered a very good no contact letter. He did this the night before he was to leave to go stay at his sister's. I know that part of his writing it was because he wanted me to say "o.k., I love you, I don't want you to leave." What I said was "if you are truly ready and you truly feel that it's now OVER with OW, you will still feel that way in a month. I want you to go stay at your sister's for a month to give me time to believe you." His attitude this last week has been loving, patient and very understanding. I'm starting to believe that it's really over with OW finally. Yet, I'm holding back because, like you, I'm wondering if it will EVER be over and if we will ever truly be able to recover. All this hard work, and now WE'RE CONFUSED! WE'RE IN THE FOG!!! Continue to be the best you you can be. Do it for yourself and the kids. If you H is getting closer to you, it's a good thing. I don't know what else to say except your emotions are totally understandable, but don't do anything in too much of a rush at this point. My prayers are with you.<P>MOM