My wife had expressed to me that she did not believe in fidelity. I could not understand. In recent communications to her EA partner she expressed her inner conflict with "Duality". One side of her personality being the wife, mother, etc, and the other being the women, passionate, with much love to give. Having one man or husband was not enough for her. To her, being able to share her love and live the feelings that a man and women feel when falling in love is one of the most beautful parts of life. She and her friend have intellectually expressed these thoughts, no fog or frivolous passions. These are clear thoughts of what she wants in her life.<P>She knows how I feel, like most people I cannot accept these concepts nor do I believe they work. I have discussed this with her explaining that the sensations and feelings you have when falling in love can be illusions and if she thinks she can go through life repeating these feelings that she really does not understand the concept of lasting love.<P>Either way, she is firm in her beliefs. We now do not talk much about it as it only creates friction. My dilemma is who is she now with, and tommorrow. It really is impossible to live under these conditions. She does love me but am I willing to accept her duality as part of our marriage? Any thoughts?

Richritchey:<P>Hi My affair ended over 2 years ago and I confessed June 2000 My husband had no idea I was in an affair. No contact since way back then at all. Just rebuilding under much stress, he was bitter for a very long time....<P>My husband had a 2 month fling right under my nose recently and confessed at my prodding on August 31 2001.<P>I thought and believed we were in good recovery, we both seemed content yet he remained frustrated...needing something he thought he was missing since I did what I did...he had to find out for himself...<P>I could not accept this dual husband not now not ever. I believe he has ended contact and sadly I cant trust him right now...which really sucks...<P>He is with me and that is my condition. There is no time for this dual life.... I could not accept your situation....<BR>

RichRitchey - I wouldn't accept it either, but you may have to put up with it for a while.<P>I would say that it really is the fog. Attaching a fancy term to the rationalization makes no difference. It sounds like she and her OP came up with this between the two of them. Same old, same old.<P>And it's not really fidelity she professes not to believe in, it's the idea of marriage. How new is this from her? Is it coincident with the affair, or, was she thinking this way for some time before the affair?<P>In conclusion, I suggest you can't understand her argument because it doesn't make sense. Don't waste a lot of your time trying to follow the logic. Focus on the MB principles.<P>