I took the girls and went to job where my H is working and stayed with him for 2 nights. First night he really LB'd and I thought for sure I made a mistake but just let it go, realizing he had worked 12 hours on a strange job and wasn't sure of what was going to happen. Then I borrowed his phone card to call son. He said he recharged it and it now has over 600 minutes on it. He has a corporate phone card which he is allowed to call home on. I politely asked him if he had contact with the OW the first night (we didn't go first night as I had a migraine and didn't feel like drivning the 100 miles feeling so sick and against the sun, etc.) He said no. I want to believe him, but what does he need the 600 minutes for then? His last attempted contact with her in VA was 9/17. Evidently she didn't answer. Last full known contact with her for me was 9/11 with an email, which I didn't get a return from (expected none, wanted none). He has atleast 2 other OW he has contacted in the past. Now I am in a panic. I left today as we didn't want to leave 15yo son home alone any longer although he wasn't "alone". A friend was here and grandma is 3 blocks away. But we still decided if I leave with the girls again, he will have to stay at friend's house or with Grandma. (I just feel like we are semi-abandoning him although he has said he is just fine)<BR>Anyway, is there anyway you can get a list of the phone numbers contacted with those pre-paid phone cards? I just have a sick feeling. Next week I will ask to borrow it again and check to see how many minutes are on there, if there is significantly less, that will tell me a great deal. I will bring this up in counselling on Monday. I have a conference I have to go to this weekend and there won't be hardly anytime to talk to him as by the time I drive back each night it will be late. He is scheduled to come home on Friday night although I will already be gone to the conference.<BR>What are your thoughts on the phone-card thing? I'm thinking I need to have a long talk with him about it. It just raises all kinds of red flags with me although I do need to say I was happy when he erased all the email messages from the OW this last week. I have to check again because he did have a "folder" with contacts from a different OP--another EA I suspect. ( I know this as she just went through a divorce and she had asked him to call her and they have been emailing for months but he has said he broke it off and I want to believe that.)<BR> I suppose this is something I will just have to "trust" on, although I am feeling really anxious about it. We have been getting along great the last two weeks. Some very positive feelings on both sides anyway.<BR>Mikkey

You may be barking up the wrong tree with the phone card.<P>1. They are sold in faily high minute increments: like 600 minutes for 20$<P>2. Each call may have a large surcharge. Three calls to an aswering machine may cost 450 minutes.<P>3. I don't know about getting a list of calls, but I bet it would require a court order even if they were available.

there was a thread about a month ago concerning these pre paid phone cards. you might want to do a search on it<P>also note that there is a customer service number on the card and was told that if you call there are say that you think someone is stealing your card #'s and ask for the last few #'s called thewy will tell you, i dont know how accurate this is only heresy.<BR>good luck

The phone cards are AT&T from Sam's Club. They run 4 cents a minute. If you are calling from a pay phone, it costs you 3 units. If you are calling from a motel, the motel usually still charges you 75 cents to $1 just to make the call since it is for a 1-800 number.<BR> I usually get a pack of 6--100 minute cards. I give them to my son and keep one in my purse for emergencies. So I know they don't cost that high of minutes for a call. These are the best ones we've found.<BR> Maybe I am just too paranoid. If you uses his corporate card to call home though, (he is allowed to do that) who else does he call? I will just have to pray about this and ask for help in not LB-ing I think. I don't know if I will have time to ask this weekend as he is tentatvely supposed to be home Friday night but I have a conference to go to Friday afternoon. At least I am coming home each day of the conference but there won't be much "together" time. We'll be like two passing ships again for the weekend, but I need to do this to keep my license up. I would never let my license expire because in case the M doesn't work out or something happens to him, I have to be able to take care of my family financially. After all, I did say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" <BR>Mikkey<BR>

Hi Mikkey,<P>I'm a RN and I work shifts that are opposite of my husband's and have done so for 12 years. H didn't start with the phone sex until I went to permanent nights. I work only a few shifts a month now but I worry about my work obligations in the past and leaving my spouses alone contributing to the infidelity. Of course I blame him for perpetrating the infidelities but I wonder about it... Just a theory.<P>I read a prayer that goes something like this yesterday here at MB and I added more to it. I have written it down and put it on my computer.<P><B>God, please reveal if there is anything wrong going on and grant me peace if there is not. I trust God will reveal the truth. Amen.</B><P>I am having a very hard time giving up the snooping. I need to hand it over to the Lord. I don't know what else to do. I really thought I had gotten over the obsessive snooping until my husband started behaving in a manner consistent with his former infidelities. My guts were right all along-he kept cheating and lying to me and I had to confront him once again. That was on 9/8/01 so the pain of discovering he was still cheating when I thought he had quit is still very fresh.<P>Just consider what will you do with that information what you obtain it? I am not sure about what you plan or if you can even check up on him. I think it would be a good idea to discuss your concerns with him in a non-judgemental and calm manner.<P>I am feeling that anxiety you referred to. My husband swears up and down that he's cut off all contact with all OW, no chatting, no secret e-mail accounts. Yet how do I believe him? I so much want to believe him. But he has looked at me in the face and lied to me so many times. I understand your anxiety all to well. <P>Let us know what transpires.<P>Bluebird

Some phone card companies will give you the listing of the numbers called, others don't.<BR>Still others have customer service phone numbers to call, but nobody ever picks up if you call! (That happened to me when I found a calling card or 2 or 3 in my H's possession)<BR>Nobody ever did answer my call... so I guess I can't get the listing (sigh).<P>With phone cards, emails, wireless email pda's, wireless instant messengers, pagers, online free phone call sites, bill-free cell phones, online only billing options for long distance, corporate credit cards, etc etc today.. there are way too many infinite ways that an OP can keep in contact. <P>Almost impossible it would seem to ever know if they are in contact or not.......

If you have ever read any of my posts you may know that I'm the mother who's daughter is/was involved with a MM.<BR>The used Aol for a realy long time, several times a day, private chatroom or instant message. Then at the 10mo. mark I think MM got caught and gave up AOL altogether. I thought the A was over. One time when D was home, she left her phone on a table, she took a shower and the phone rang, I saw that the ID was MM. It was his office #. I can always tell when it's on or off. When it on (the A) she gards her phone. Yes they use phone cards. I have heard that you can indeed get information from these cards.<P>You have the right to investgate that which effects you.

and interesting tidbit...<P>I know of someone who called the offices of the card company, said that they suspected that someone staying in the house was stealing minutes from the phone card, and would they please send him a list of calls, so that he could verify. He got the list.<P>My guess is that they are not supposed to do that...but they did.<P>worth a try.

Well, this phone card thread got MY attention as that is how I discovered some renewed contact with OW. My H gave the card to me, insisting it was for work related things, but if it made me feel better I could have it....<P>SO - on the back is the number to call and the PIN. There is also a customer service number. I simply called the customer service # and gave them the phone card # and they could tell me when it was activated, and what calls were made when and to where!<p>[This message has been edited by Alberta (edited September 29, 2001).]

Gee, thanks for all your responses. I will be calling that number on Monday I think. H got home tonight and will be leaving again tomorrow afternoon when I get back from the last conference day. I had called him 5 times yesterday till late and the motel person said there was no answer. So I asked him how long he worked yest. and he said till 7pm. He said he hooked up the computer to the phone and was trying to transfer me a bunch of pictures he had taken with the digital camera. I told him, that's funny, I was up till 1am (2am his time) checked my mail before I turned in and there was no messages from him. He said that the phone would sound like its ringing but into the computer and he was sleeping as he has been working 12 hour days for four days at that time. I was feeling very disappointed that I didn't get to talk to him last night and was skeptical about his answers but thinking it over, he must be telling the truth. There is nowhere to go up there anyway. So at least we discussed it without LB. I just wish I had more trust with him. Its just not there.<BR>Mikkey

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bluebird:<BR>[B]Hi Mikkey,<P>I'm a RN and I work shifts that are opposite of my husband's and have done so for 12 years. H didn't start with the phone sex until I went to permanent nights. I work only a few shifts a month now but I worry about my work obligations in the past and leaving my spouses alone contributing to the infidelity. Of course I blame him for perpetrating the infidelities but I wonder about it... Just a theory.<P>I read a prayer that goes something like this yesterday here at MB and I added more to it. I have written it down and put it on my computer.<P>Hi Bluebird. I have worked mostly afternoon shifts as we didn't want our kids going to a sitter for more than 4 hours or so. Grandma is also 3 blocks away, but she is not the nurturing type and doesn't EVER initiate contact with the kids. I do all that, figuring they need her as she is the only grandparent they have and she needs to be nudged along to even have them over. She doesn't ever even call to just to talk to them. That is frustrating for me as she is nice with them, just no initiation. ugh!!!!!!!!!!!<BR> Anyway, so for years, H and I were like two passing ships in the night. Then I got my own bed 2 years ago because of his snoring problem. I thought it was best we both got good sleep. So, yes, our work schedule and the separate bed thing probably contributed greatly to the waywardness. He liked to argue and I didn't, so I withdrew. I definitely played a role in this. I quit work in Dec because of his new job which requires the travelling. So I am at home with the kids and that was a mutual decision. I homeschool the two little ones and the 15yo is in public school.<BR> He told me he was the aggressor in this A. I just wish he would have communicated better before it had gone that far. AT least it is a hard lesson learned. Now I am anxious whenever he goes as there just isn't any trust there. I don't know how to get over this part.<BR>I am also an RN and will neverlet my license lapse. I can get a job anytime, just don't want to now. It is a stress I can do without at this time, especially in a hospital setting as our local hospital is the pits and I'd be ashamed to be connected with such an establishment.<BR>Mikkey

Regarding Phone cards and online records - I have been married for 30 years and am only 53. My husband is 58 and this year I have gone through all that you all have gone through. I only hope his and her calls have stopped, I believe they no longer see each other. They met on the internet playing Yahoo Euchre and had a real scam with me going for a year. I've lived a nightmare and gone to counseling. Anyway, in this forum several months ago I found that there is a phone card that can be traced and can be purchased at <A HREF="http://bigzoo.com/main.asp" TARGET=_blank>http://bigzoo.com/main.asp</A> <BR>You can always plant them where they can be picked up around the house. I also use a device at home that I purchased from Radio Shack along with a tape recorder that picks up all activity on the line. I take one day at a time. Hopefully there won't be another contact, cause it will be his last, and my children have vowed no more either.<BR>

Rollrbldr123<BR>Thanks for your comment, I will look that site up later this week as I am now getting ready to meet him up north again after a few appts, one of which is my counselling session this afternoon. <BR>I appreciate your input and wish none of this had never had to go through all this B*llsh*t. I am still on a rollercoaster ride. I hope your situation continues to improve.<BR> This is only my second session alone with her as H has been able to come to the other 2 thus far. So that's progress. I took the numbers off of his phone card yesterday, so I just have to follow up with that. Turns out he slept here last night and left at 3:30 this am to get there in time for work.<P>Mikkey