I am still in the midst of trying to convince WH to stay in our marriage. This has dragged on and it's bringing me down. I am so frustrated and wondering why I should bother. I have said all I can think of and told him how much I love him and how much our M means to me. <P>I think I may have been saying the things he wants/needs to hear, since now he's saying how can I believe that, how do I know you will really change permanently, that this isn't all an act, that everything will go back to the way it was. From that attitude, you would think I was the cheater begging to come home, but that's not the case.<P>It won't go back to the way it was because I certainly don't want the same M we had before either.<P>My therapist said that him wanting me to convince him is a good thing, that it indicates he wants to stay with me. Therapist also said that WH looks at me with love and is still emotionally bonded to me (WH claims he has no bond to me now, that he only has a bond with OW).<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>K said this in another thread:<BR><B>But when you hit recovery, everything changes. All of a sudden, you have a real opportunity for what you've been fighting for so long. And you begin to question yourself as to "why" you were fighting for this in the first place. And some of the anger you may have been supressing will come boiling to the surface. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>When I read what K said, it hit me that perhaps this is similar to what is happening to me, since I am feeling so close to getting what I want. The last couple of days, at times I think, why do I want him back, since he's been acting like such an insensitive jerk towards me for the past few months, with absolutely no regard for my feelings.

SilverRose,<P>I would withdraw from this cattle auction and tell him the cow is no longer up for sale unless you are convinced that the BUYER is worthy. *HE* is the one who broke his vows and betrayed your trust here, therefore, *HE* is the one who needs to convince *YOU* that he has truly changed and will not betray you again. He is asking you to guarantee something that he is not willing to guarantee himself. I don't understand why you are participating in this sick little game. He knows what you are like, and unfortunately, you know what he is like. What assurances do you have that he will change and are you willing to live with a man who may betray you - again and again?<P>Are you willing to SETTLE for such a man?<p>[This message has been edited by Dana114 (edited September 27, 2001).]