My WS has let it be known that he is still sexually interested in me. I of course would love to become intimate again with him. Yes, he is still seeing OW, but "says" he is not in love with her. Am I making a mistake in even considering this? I still love him very much and he still cares about me. He even told me that he still loved me after all the New York attacks a couple of weeks ago. He says that he is still attracted to me, but does not want to hurt me anymore. We have been separated for 15 months and I am really getting "worked up" if you know what I mean. This is kind of embarrasing, but I need imput. My H is curious also if this is weird. We both want each other, but he is afraid that I will make more out of it than he will. We are still married, nothing has even been filed. I know he is still seeing and being with OW, and yes I would require that he use protection, but am I crazy or what? Why would he still find me attractive and want to be with me, when he has free reign with OW?

Hmmm, what a dilemma....Now it depends. See one of my Ws's complaints of the marriage is that there was little passion and a large lack of sex. Sooooo, showing him I am passionate and have a desire to be sexual with him woud be a way to fill one of his severely lacking EN's. BUT my hubbie also attaches a great deal of emotion to sex (yep, he's almost a woman ), so he would only mention it if he felt that he loved me and was trying to return to me, but hesitant. Don't know if he would continue with both of us at once.<P>for you, I don't know...it might give him the impression that he can have his cake and eat it too. Of course if that is an EN you didn't meet, it might be in your favor. I am sure wiser ones here will advise, but make sure you look at WHY you want it and WHY he wants it. And will you attach too much to it? I know I would.

Why is he still seeing her then? I would be scared of stds (protection doesn't always help with those), and of giving myself to possibly getting hurt again. For me, I couldn't chance it.<P>It made me sick to realize my H had sex with my best friend, then a week later with me, then went back with her. I have NEVER felt more used in my life.<P>I hope he will stop 'seeing her.' If he does, have fun.

You have to do what YOU think is right for YOU. Do you think you'd regret having sex with your H? Then don't do it. <P>I am a BS who had sex with my WS during our separation. In my case, we were filling each others' EN's, so there were no regrets. My H told me he was physically attracted to me at that time, but not so much mentally. Of course, being a typical BS, I was feeling both connections to him. Again, in my case, having sex with him made me feel better (and in all honesty, kept me from considering getting it elsewhere).<P>Good luck with your decision.<P>Karen<BR>

Okay, here's my response to this...<P>I asked H why he had sex with me while he was with her (I didn't know about her then). He said "Because I can."<P>Cruel, huh? Obviously an ego thing for my H, two women he could have sex with! <P>He is on his 2nd A now...the morning he left he asked for sex...I turned him down and I said we would not have sex while we were separated. Because, you see, even when I found out about OW1, I still had sex with him, and I felt so disgusted with myself. I didn't want to feel like that again...or boost his ego like that again either, emotional need or not.<P>But it's your choice.

Thanks to all for the input. I think Topie25 stated it best for me. I think it would fulfill both of our needs. I do not think I would regret it. I think it would make me feel better in that he is still truly attracted to me. I have not felt this way in a long time. As far as EN - yes it would fill an EN for him, because that was one of his complaints in our marriage - he felt I never desired sex. Now he see's this part of me differently. It is like a switch has been turned on and I do not know how to turn it off. It is a shame that it has flipped on after he is gone. Thanks again for your input!!<P>Tina

We continued to have sex - but it was always with the mutual understanding that it didn't mean anything other than both of us enjoying the other physically.<P>Sex is a top EN for my H, and there was a definite lack in the marriage....so...<P>Though I have to say, if I didn't already know that his OW was a nurse, and very careful about STD's herself (yes I get tested regularly) I don't know what I would do. She actually made my H an appointment and had a doc OK him to have sex with her. <P>We had fantastic sex, and my H has admitted since we have begun recovery, that while his sex with her was fabulous, he found himself missing me physically and wanted the connection with me.<P>Me on the other hand...well, I had my own needs, AND I have to admit to not being very good - there was a part of me that fully understood that as long as I kept meeting his high sex needs, that there'd be problems in paradise with the OW. So yeah, I did it with the cold hard intent of causing problems. I shut down my heart, took what I needed physically, and then made sure my H said "WOW" when we were done. Manipulative is a good word for what I did.<P>I can't say now that I am sorry for it though.<P>It kept him coming back for more, and it kept him emotionally "unfinished" with me. When the OW lovebusted enough...he was ready to come home.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>