I posted for the first time a few days ago and you all have been so helpful. I think my husband may be going through a mid life crisis! Now What???? Below is what he wrote in an email today. Any advice? Thanks!<P>I know I need to talk to the kids and tell them what is up - problem is I do not really know what is up with me - I am just really screwed up. What you say is all true and you know what you are saying. I do not want the kids to leave, but I do not know if I am ready to continue to try - and I am just being honest right now - not wanting to hurt you which I know I am doing and that in itself hurts me too. I do not know what I am doing, but I do not know if I want to come home - I mean I want to come home and see you guys, but I just do not know - ???? I feel like my life is passing me by, but I know the important things are family, but I still feel like I do which makes me mad at myself - ahhhhhhh. <P>Thank in advance for your replies!!

Have you ever read the following article?<BR>Read as much as you can on Mid Life Crisis.<BR>It is real.<P>HIS Midlife Crisis!!<P>Will Your Relationship Survive?<P>You're in a committed relationship, married or involved on an exclusive basis. You've thought everything was glorious. Or, at least as glorious as it gets -- all relationships have some rough spots.<P>It seems that you're always fighting. Or he just doesn't act like himself anymore. He doesn't like his job. He wants to sell the house and get a little place in the mountains or a sailboat and sail to the islands. You're too fat or too thin or too short or too tall. He doesn't like being home. He wants a sportier car. He changes his hair style, starts a diet and joins the local gym. He says his clothes are too old for him. He says you and he have grown apart. He needs time to think about 'things.' He wants space. He wants something but he doesn't know what. He wants a divorce. <P>If he's between the ages of 35 and 50, your man is blazing a trail through male midlife - he's having a crisis.<P>We're not talking about the man who has always been a womanizer, a schemer or generally not the nicest person in the world. We are talking about the man who has up to this point assumed responsibility and been the person you could depend upon in time of need.<P>What you must keep in mind is that he really doesn't understand what he's doing, he isn't deliberately hurting you he just knows that something is wrong in his life and he's searching for the answers.<P>Of course you're sitting there saying, "Whoa! I'm supposed to just be quiet and tolerate his forays into other-woman-land and let's-junk-it-all-and-sail-around-the-world-land or ditch-the-stationwagon-I-need-a-red-sports-car-land?<P>Well, yes. Of course you do have options here. You can rage and make demands that he clean up his act. And probably shortly thereafter you'll find yourself in divorce-land.<P>You see, men don't plan on turning unpredictable. It happens when they look in the mirror or in the eyes of their grandchildren and see themselves as old men. They have, up to this point, believed they were 25-year old boys.<P>One mid-50's midlife graduate says it made him a better person. He has remained with his original wife and their relationship has been redefined to better meet his needs. He has his space and a home in the country that allows him to "entertain" when he feels the need and she has her space and their home in the city that allows her a place to pound on the walls and scream when she feels the urge.<P>Another mid-50's graduate traded the pressures of wife, home and business and now lives aboard a small boat, doing odd jobs to support himself.<P>A mid-60's executive still in crisis has added a 20-something mistress into his lifestyle. His wife waits patiently for the affair to run its course.<P>The Crisis<P>Male Midlife devours relationships. It may be devouring yours. What you must understand and believe is that no matter what you will do, or won't do, the outcome will be the same. You do not have control over him, only yourself.<P>He might not be alone on this search, but you probably weren't invited, and you probably wouldn't have been regardless of the circumstances. You see, you are part of the problem as he thinks he sees it. You don't understand, how could you? He may have met someone else who seems to understand him perfectly, or reaffirms his youthfulness (as with the mid-60's executive, above). But how could anyone understand him when he doesn't understand himself? He's in an emotional storm that will test the patience and endurance of all of those who love him as he comes to grips with the fact that he is no longer 25. He will hurt you. He doesn't mean to hurt you, but he will hurt you.<P>It's a punch right between the eyes when he suddenly realizes that he is getting older. There's so much he hasn't done. Time is running out. He can't keep up this stress of being husband, father, breadwinner! He's getting older - his hair is thinning, his waist is thickening, his muscles are flabby, his face is wrinkling, he's got a t-shirt with little hand prints and 'we love you, gramps' in childish scrawl. He is feeling emotions he's never felt before. And occasionally he is impotent. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!! HE CAN'T HANDLE IT!! HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE AN OLD MAN!!! Sometimes referred to as 'male menopause,' male midlife is not nice for any of the players involved. It's difficult to say who hurts more, him or you.<P>What Now?<P>Should you try to wait for this crisis to end, for your lives to return where they used to be? It might take the patience of Job and the result may still not be the one you want. He will do what he must do when he must do it. Once he has made his passage he will not be the same. He is at a major turning point in his life, a normal part of the male maturing process that, should he be successful in navigating through the storms, will help him to lead a fuller and more satisfying life, accepting the normal limitations inherent with the aging process.<P>Some men aren't successful in the passage. Suicide rates increase for men as they age. Suicide offers the promise of release from seemingly unbearable emotional pain. Women know how to express their emotions, whereas men are taught to hold their emotions back, to 'act like a man!' For some, suicide is the only way to suppress the emotional pain associated with the midlife passage.<P>His Crisis - Your Problem<P>You need to be aware of what's happening to your man. Being aware will make you less apt to blame yourself for the things going wrong. He will be blaming you as it is, because he knows he's not wrong.<P>There's not much you can do to speed up his passage through this crisis in your lives. He probably doesn't want to talk about it, at least not to you. He may believe that you're the whole reason he feels the way he does. It's not true.<P>You need to understand that this is his problem, it will have to be his solution and what he’s going through is normal and you are not responsible. You can't change it or fix it because you didn't break it.<P>You will have to step back and let him whirl around in his search to find himself. He has a need to blame someone for the bad feelings he has - he will probably blame you. He must blame someone for the terrible way he's acting, for the lousy way he feels. He knows he's not at fault, it must be you. Don't believe it. And don’t try to explain his feelings to him. You can't and he won't listen.<P>Men Are From Pluto<BR>Women Are From Macy's<P>There's no doubt men and women are quite different in how they handle emotional situations and midlife is one of the most notable examples.<P>As a female, you have been trained for your role in society to take care of other people, to be responsible for their well-being, to make things run smoothly. You have been taught to believe that when relationships don't go well it is your responsibility to correct the situation. You look inside yourself for the answers.<P>In the case of his midlife crisis, the answers must come from him. You cannot change his behavior, he must. You cannot undo the training he received as a young boy when he was taught 'boys don't cry,' and to 'take it like a man.' You can only understand that he has been taught that real men don't cry, or express fear, pain, sorrow, love, and joy. You cannot change the situation.<P>If you think you can control his behavior by changing yourself, you are in for a lot of anger and disappointment. This issue is not about you, it is about him.<P>'Real Men' Don't<P>Men are trained to hide their emotions. That doesn't mean the emotions don't exist, they're buried deep in the recesses of how 'real men' act. Let's face it, men are human beings the same as women are. They just don't act it sometimes and they certainly don't act it much of the time they're plowing through their personal midlife crisis.<P>When you get angry it is perfectly all right for you to express that anger. Society says he must be in control no matter the situation. He is trained to appear calm, cold, unemotional, unfeeling. It is easy to believe that he is that way inside, too. Men need to scream and cry sometimes. It's just not allowed.<P>His Financial Image<P>Society measures the worth and the success of a man by how much money he has and makes. If he isn't making the kind of money he thinks he should, he will be angry at the obstacles he believes are standing in his way. He may believe his family responsibilities are holding him back. Time is running out! He has to do something right now. He doesn't know what to do but he will do something.<P>He needs more affection now and may reach out to you. If you respond with surprise or rejection because you don't understand this new behavior, he may find the affection and affirmation of his desirability in the arms of a girlfriend. Nothing personal, you understand, he doesn't know what he's doing. And he certainly doesn't mean to hurt you. At midlife a man will do many things he wouldn't have done before.<P>He's scared of dying. His friends may be developing illnesses, some may have died. He's afraid.<P>He's resentful, frustrated and depressed. He feels trapped by his responsibility to provide for his family. He’s locked into a job or career that he no longer enjoys because he must keep the kids in college and make payments on the house and car.<P>If he's like most men, he may be in responsibility overload: in need of a break from financial responsibilities and the daily demands of work that he's had virtually since he got out of school. He may resent the fact that he cannot make the choices that so many women can as far as choosing whether or not they want to work and at what. He needs a long break from responsibility but he knows that's an impossibility. He's trapped.<P>How he reacts to this extreme pressure cannot be predicted. Rest assured, though, he will react.<P>What Can You Do?<P>The crisis will not end in a week or two. It may take a year or more to get resolved. You will need patience to let him learn to cope with the new feelings and emotions that are occuring in his life. You cannot do this for him nor can you demand that he seek counseling or talk the problem through with you. You may suggest it but you cannot demand it. It will do no good.<P>Again, understand and accept the fact that it is his problem, not your fault. Don't take the responsibility for his pain and suffering.<P>Give him space. No matter how insecure you're feeling, don't cling, berate, belittle or push him. If he wants more time than usual to be by himself or with his fishing or golfing buddies, don't complain about how little time he's spending with you. He's trying to think his problems through and he'll find a way regardless of what you say or do.<P>Now is the time you must develop yourself as an independent person. You must take responsibility for yourself and your happiness without depending on him for the closeness and intimacy that he probably is unable to give right now. Plan things without him. Learn to depend upon yourself, not him. Allow him to do the same.<P>Do things by yourself and with friends. Make a life for yourself without waiting for him to participate. <P>He may refuse to go to counseling but that doesn't mean you shouldn't in order to better cope with your feelings during this difficult time.<P>Continue to treat him and all men kindly. This may sound like a silly statement, but your confusion and resentment about his current situation may cause you to "male bash." "Dumb men" jokes may seem funny at the time, but they will be painful and hurtful to a man in crisis and to men in general.<P>Reaffirm your love for him, your desire for him, your attraction to him. Tell him and show him that he is the most important person in your life. Do it without smothering, clinging or demanding that he reciprocate the feelings to you.<P>If you make the decision to demand that he straighten up, to demand that he stop his erratic behavior, to demand that he return to the person you’re most comfortable with, you'll be making a mistake.<P>If you make the decision to nag and whine, you'll be making a mistake.<P>If you think you can make the choices for him or tell him what he should do to feel better or get his life in order, you'll be making a mistake.<P>If you make idle threats about what you will do if he doesn’t change, you'll be making a mistake.<P>You are not to blame for the feelings that are guiding his life at this time. However, your actions will help to influence the choices he makes.<P>As hard as it may be to stand back and watch him self-destruct, that is the role you will have to take.<P>Coping with male midlife crisis is not easy. Not every relationship will survive the strain. <P><BR>Confusion, confusion and more confusion. These are their feelings. The real sad part is, you can't stop it.<BR>

We had a big discussion here recently about MLCs, and I think the article Patient1 has posted summarizes everything really well. (Thanks Patient1!)<P>I was going to say that I understand how confused your H is right now. I'm in the same state. Paralyzed right now for fear of making "wrong" decisions. I never actually had a plan for my life, but my feeling is that I'm not where I was expecting to be right now. But, I couldn't actually tell you what that means.<P>Too many responsibilites, too many people depending on me. Overwhelming. Hard to focus on ANYTHING anymore. The future I picture is myself happy with my W and family ... I just don't know how to get there from here. It's the pressures of the moment that are killing me.<P>I don't think there's anything my W can do about it, except be there. She had an internet EA a couple of months ago. I'm honestly not sure if it pushed me more over the edge or kept me here a little longer. Ultimately, I still have to deal with my "stuff".<P>Currently, I'm commuting 2500 miles to work. This has removed all sorts of stress. Sadly, I don't really miss my family right now. I know that all the daily crap is going on, but I don't have to deal with it. I'm glad W is able to right now. This sounds sort of like your H's situation.<P>There was a column on the main website here about men segmenting their lives into various "rooms". That way they focus on the particular element in each room while they're there and are able to shut everything else out. There's a room for work, a room for the kids, a room for golf, ... etc. I think this MLC stuff happens when the rooms get too cluttered and the stuff starts to spill out into that halls. Now you spend all your time trying to sort through the clutter and determine which box of junk goes with which room. I never seem to accomplish anything anymore. <P>At least that's how the analogy seems to work for me.<P>The advice I have is the same as to your previous post (and the same as Patient1's article) -PLAN A-.<P>He's really got to work through this on his own. You can't solve this problem for him, but you can push him away. You should try to be the "sanctuary" -- my W's doing that for me. <P>Send him email. I love getting email from my W. Don't wait for him to send you stuff first. It sounds like he's more willing to talk to you about things via email -- I have that trait as well. Maybe he'll open up if you keep those channels open? Talking and thinking about this stuff seems to help me.<P>I'm expecting (hoping???) to survive this. I hope your H does too.<P>Jeffers<P><BR>

help _please wow MLC seems to be the topic today. I really believe that my H is going through a MLC right now. It's been 6mos. since we've been separated and I don't see him coming home anytime soon. I know the hurt and pain that you feel as I am going through it too. Reading the article that patient1 provided seeems to hit it right on the head. I know my H loves me and doesn't want to hurt me or the kids. Everything he's doing is so out of character for him. He has not gone out and bought a sportscar or anything like that or even new clothes. It's just his whole outlook on life and our relationship. I have tears streaming down my face a I am trying to type this. Why does it seem like we are the enemy or the cause of their problems when all we want to do is help and support and love them? I know how you feel this situation that we are in is horrible. I am really trying to move on but it's not that easy. Just when I think I am learning how to ride the rollercoaster another loop or drop comes up. I'm here if you need to talk. I know it's not easy. Hang in there. <BR>Hugs and prayers,<BR>C

I too suspect my husband could be having a MLC, but I don't see how I can take the advice to be there for him when he wants. I am leaving him alone to work things out for himself, and that's in fact what I want to do for myself as well as I get too hurt communicating with him. (he works away from home for 3 months at a time). <P>I cannot distinguish between him having an MLC, or an EA with a new, young woman friend. All I do know is that his friendship (he even wants to take her away on weekend trips with him) hurts me unbearably, and I cannot tolerate staying in contact with him while he has this friendship. But, if he's having a MLC that seems to be the wrong thing to do. He will not talk to me at all about his feelings, or what's going on, all I know is that he's turned into an evil twin and looking for reasons to divorce and hate me. Any ideas on how to distinguish between an MLC and an EA?<P>SAU

I too believe my H is going through a MLC. I found out a few weeks ago that wheile I was home with our son visiting my family that he slept with someone. He met her on the internet and they hooked up. She was visiting here from France. He said he never intended on telling me about it cause he thought that he could live with it since he would never see her again. He's been unfaithful twice before but never slept with anyone else before. He was a virgin when I met him and he says that he feels he missed out on finding himself. I'm so angry, hurt and confused about my life now. All the dreams and plans that we had made feel like they are being crushed to nothing! He says he wants to work things out cause he can't imagine his life without my son and I but I don't see him doing anything to change. <BR>I lost my wedding ring several years ago and he refuses to get me one now and commit. He tells me that he's no good for me and that maybe I'd be better off leaving him. He's like Mr. Jekyl and Dr. Hyde. I just don't know what to do anymore. <BR>My emotional needs haven't been met in so long that now I'm afraid I will have an A. How do we get help and stay together and get past all the hurt and ager????<BR>I really need advice! We've been married for almost 12 years!<BR>T~

My H is only 31, not the nicest person in the world, a schemer, and compulsive cheater. Even though my H is no where near a MLC, the symptoms of it strike a strange resimbulence of everything my H is doing. I have just gotten all the answers I need to my questions. He just doesn't know what the heck he wants, but now I know what I need to do and am comfortable doing it. Patient1, what can I say? Thanks for the post. <P>Clouds

Thank you everyone. After all I have read I truly feel like my husband is going through a mid life crisis. I am really trying to be supportive and not demanding. He was home from SAturday at noon til Sunday at 2. The kids really enjoyed having him here...and so did I. I decided not to discuss us, just be the best me that I could be and see if that helped. We got along and even though he is distant it was still nice. Of course after he left today I cried but not for long. I am going to better myself every day and hope and pray that he comes around! You all are so full of good information! Thank you so much!!!!

To me this article is just plain crap. <BR>He gets to act like a complete jerk and she needs to be patient, to understand, to not demand, to wait.....<BR>Hey...guess what? It's a relationship, not a daycare...if you want to be a big 30-50 year old baby - go do it on someone else's watch....oh yeah, and be prepared to NOT have enough money for the "cabin on the lake to entertain" and the "shiny sports car" and the "flashy arm candy girlfriend" because "she's" going to take the investment of her time/love/emotions/mental stability out of your ever-poor-me-loving flesh!<P>boy don't I feel better.<BR>LLL

I have to agree. This article just seems like a psychobabble excuse for some pretty crummy, selfish behavior. I think I'll invent a syndrome which makes it "OK" for moms of elementary age children to just "check out" of life for a while. Let's see, I'll include spending all the family's money, eating wildly and gaining lots of weight, keeping my own hours and blowing off all chores, family mealtimes, childcare and social duties. I have to be dealt with very patiently and kindly, because who knows what I might do else? Everyone must understand my problems and just wait around in dirty clothes and with rumbling tummies until I come around.<P>Oh, wait, I forgot! I can't get this syndrome--I LOVE my family.<P>Rose Red<p>[This message has been edited by Rose Red (edited October 02, 2001).]

And I will gladly third the last two responses.<P>Whatever happened to responsibility? Accountability? Being a "man" (or a "woman")?I suspect that we could all find excuses for every selfish behavior that we could possibly indulge in. I don't buy it. God gave you a brain and a will. Use it wisely. <P>Snow

No, you don't have to put up with this. There is an alternative. Divorce him. He is going to do what he wants to do anyway. He doesn't care what you think or how you feel. He doesn't care that you had a good marriage prior to this crisis. He doesn't even see it as a crisis. His feelings are your fault. He will even bring up things that happened 10, 20 years ago. He just doesn't love you anymore. Doesn't even care if he see's the kids, he doesn't have much interest in them anymore not to mention no interest in you.<P>I am a firm believer in MLC. I have lived through my husbands. I could not believe the words that would come out of this mans mouth. I was in total shock. He left, got a girlfriend, started to drink heavily.<P>This didn't make any sense to me whatsoever. It's not like we had a bad marriage. He was a very good father. Always spent a lot of time with kids and interested in everything they did. He would take care of jobs around the house. He would walk the dog, chat with neighbours.<P>This stopped! All of it. Including his love for me. According to him, he never did love me. We were married for 23 years. How could he stay in a marriage that long.<P>This was so totally out of character for him. The blank stare in his eyes. His actions and behavior were not OK. If I could have stopped him, I would have. I certainly did try. But, he just didn't care, these were his feelings and instead of dealing with them in a responsible way, he ran. My H and father of my children, would never have done this.<P>[This message has been edited by Patient1 (edited October 01, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Patient1 (edited October 01, 2001).]

The following link is some more insight to MLC.<BR> <A HREF="http://128.121.203.65/ubb/Forum1/HTML/001667.html" TARGET=_blank>http://128.121.203.65/ubb/Forum1/HTML/001667.html</A> <P>It's posted by a man who is coming out of the tunnel.

The Mid Life Crisis article was written by a woman, who's H went thru a MLC.<P>As Jeffers mentioned, the advice it gives you is to basically Plan A.<P>There is usually an affair the majority of times. But, I feel that the A is a symptom of the problem. That's why it is very important to Plan A.<P>It's not easy, but, it can be done.

Gang,<BR>Please hang in here for a sec with me. I see and understand both viewpoints: the MLC challenge and the idea that it could be just another of those invented syndroms and and excuse for poor bahavior.<P>However, there is one item I'd like to toss into the mix and see if anyone else agrees. How about the true mental and/or emotional illness factor? Sometimes, people can go into a depression so severe, so awesome, that they can't find their own way out of it. When that happens, judgement goes out the window and very poor choices (or NO choices) are made. If left untreated and in the worst case scenario, it can lead to thoughts or even actions of suicide. Middle ground seems to suggest this is the time for an affair of some sort (the safety factor Dr. H. talks about). Lots of times, there is no affair going on yet, but the man changes in ways so radical that he doesn't even seem like the same person any more. All of this leads to immense pain and confusion an everyone's part, regardless of what we call it.<P>My own H is going through some strange phase over this past year and I finally came to the conclusion that he is truly emotionally ill right now. Our case is a little bit different than most in that we have both been coping with a very serious illness (mine) for the past several years and it has done a real number on our marriage and our lives. I really do believe that he finally cracked under the pressure, and he has even said as much himself. Unfortunately, he is at that age (mid 40's) where he is quesitoning himself and his entire being. I mean, he has made remarks like "is this all there is?" and "I won't be able to keep up this pace forever..then what happens?" It is very clear to me that he is very worried about the future, and even about the present. His own health is taking a nose-dive, and that is a huge worry for him as well.<P>All I'm saying is that perhaps MLC is some form of emotional illness that if left unaddressed or untreated in some way can escalate into real destruction. I know. I see it happening in my own marriage to a man that is one of the best I've ever had the priviledge to know, and love. He is right now no more like the man I thought I knew and love than the man in the moon! He will not go for treatment of any sort and is in total denial over this. Adding everything up, I tend to see a lot of wisdom and truth in that article. There are many times when I tend to think in the other direction but honestly, I really think it isn't selfishness. I can see he is in great pain himself, and that just tears me up as well as dealing with my own torn emotions.<P>Just another viewpoint..tell me what you think.<P>Hugs to all,<BR>Winny

Rose Red, I just loved your response. I laughed like heck reading it. <P>There is a syndrome for every situation it seems. I don't doubt that these syndrome a real, the syndrome of middle aged crisis is not something that a determined person cannot work though...heck, loads of people work through it.<P>And yes, if I could have, I would have checked out of my home, gone to a hotel and ordered meals in and had my bed made daily, all in the name of "mommy syndrome". Can't do it, too responsible...and yes "I love my family too".<P>So, if the guys gets this syndrome, kick him in the butt, tell him to buck up and get on with life. Life is not easy, life gives no guarantees for happiness, but our best chance at happiness comes from being a good person, who lives up to his/her responsibilities. Running from them only adds guilt to the symdrome, so then you have a middle aged man who is also depressed.....then they get into the balding and fat gut syndrome...and on and on.<P>As that guy on 20/20 says <P>"GIVE ME A BREAK"<P>

Rose Red, I just loved your response. I laughed like heck reading it. <P>There is a syndrome for every situation it seems. I don't doubt that these syndrome a real, the syndrome of middle aged crisis is not something that a determined person cannot work though...heck, loads of people work through it.<P>And yes, if I could have, I would have checked out of my home, gone to a hotel and ordered meals in and had my bed made daily, all in the name of "mommy syndrome". Can't do it, too responsible...and yes "I love my family too".<P>So, if the guys gets this syndrome, kick him in the butt, tell him to buck up and get on with life. Life is not easy, life gives no guarantees for happiness, but our best chance at happiness comes from being a good person, who lives up to his/her responsibilities. Running from them only adds guilt to the symdrome, so then you have a middle aged man who is also depressed.....then they get into the balding and fat gut syndrome...and on and on.<P>As that guy on 20/20 says <P>"GIVE ME A BREAK"<P>

Rose Red, I just loved your response. I laughed like heck reading it. <P>There is a syndrome for every situation it seems. I don't doubt that these syndrome a real, the syndrome of middle aged crisis is not something that a determined person cannot work though...heck, loads of people work through it.<P>And yes, if I could have, I would have checked out of my home, gone to a hotel and ordered meals in and had my bed made daily, all in the name of "mommy syndrome". Can't do it, too responsible...and yes "I love my family too".<P>So, if the guys gets this syndrome, kick him in the butt, tell him to buck up and get on with life. Life is not easy, life gives no guarantees for happiness, but our best chance at happiness comes from being a good person, who lives up to his/her responsibilities. Running from them only adds guilt to the symdrome, so then you have a middle aged man who is also depressed.....then they get into the balding and fat gut syndrome...and on and on.<P>As that guy on 20/20 says <P>"GIVE ME A BREAK"<P>

Rose Red, I just loved your response. I laughed like heck reading it. <P>There is a syndrome for every situation it seems. I don't doubt that these syndrome a real, the syndrome of middle aged crisis is not something that a determined person cannot work though...heck, loads of people work through it.<P>And yes, if I could have, I would have checked out of my home, gone to a hotel and ordered meals in and had my bed made daily, all in the name of "mommy syndrome". Can't do it, too responsible...and yes "I love my family too".<P>So, if the guys gets this syndrome, kick him in the butt, tell him to buck up and get on with life. Life is not easy, life gives no guarantees for happiness, but our best chance at happiness comes from being a good person, who lives up to his/her responsibilities. Running from them only adds guilt to the symdrome, so then you have a middle aged man who is also depressed.....then they get into the balding and fat gut syndrome...and on and on.<P>As that guy on 20/20 says <P>"GIVE ME A BREAK"<P>

Rose Red, I just loved your response. I laughed like heck reading it. <P>There is a syndrome for every situation it seems. I don't doubt that these syndrome a real, the syndrome of middle aged crisis is not something that a determined person cannot work though...heck, loads of people work through it.<P>And yes, if I could have, I would have checked out of my home, gone to a hotel and ordered meals in and had my bed made daily, all in the name of "mommy syndrome". Can't do it, too responsible...and yes "I love my family too".<P>So, if the guys gets this syndrome, kick him in the butt, tell him to buck up and get on with life. Life is not easy, life gives no guarantees for happiness, but our best chance at happiness comes from being a good person, who lives up to his/her responsibilities. Running from them only adds guilt to the symdrome, so then you have a middle aged man who is also depressed.....then they get into the balding and fat gut syndrome...and on and on.<P>As that guy on 20/20 says <P>"GIVE ME A BREAK"<P>