Hi everyone! I just wanted to say that tonight I have taken control over my life. My happiness is NOT in someone elses hands. I have been reading a lot of posts lately, and I have seen my situation in a lot of them. I did NOT like what I saw.<P>My H (who lives in another town during the week) would come home every weekend and just be here. No trying, no effort, no nothing. I have told him before that if he didn't want to be here, then don't. He knows how I feel about him. H knows he can come home, but now I have set the boundaries---my boundaries. <P>I cannot continue living a life of me giving all the effort. I need more. I want more. i deserve more. And I told H that. <P>We have been going through this for so long now---I have been plan A-ing my butt off for at least 6-8 months. Things got better (since we could at least talk to one another), but that is where everything stopped. He is confused about his feelings about OW, me, family, life, etc.......<P>I actually said: " H, I let you go. Go find what makes you happy"! It felt so good---such a relief to be taking control of my life.<P>I did NOT LB, either. He said that he understood, and did not blame me. He also said that he hadn't been fair to me, and knew he was hurting me. <P>I hope you all do not think I am stupid in this, because I needed this for me-----only for me. I know I did the right thing....does anyone have any comments??<P>I need encouragement, because I know that tomorrow I might be second guessing myself----<P>I also need prayers said to keep my stand strengthened! Thank you all in advance--<P>Krystal

Hugs...no great words of wisdom...(I've been sick today...)<P>Keep up the work on you and you will be strengthened!!<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hi Krystal I know you are on a high right now so don't be to hard on yourself if you feel a little differently tomorrow. If you feel as though you made the right decision for you then you did. I'm here for you. You're in my prayers.<BR>C

Thanks Cali---hope you are feeling better.<P>Thanks Cybil---I know that what I did was right---it needed to be done long ago. I needed H's respect back---Know what I mean? I know I will go through more tough times, but IMHO, he needed to make a decision to work on this M or not....no halfways!<P>Krystal

FNH,<P> I applaud your strength. What you did took courage. Wish you could spare some of it. I could sure use some about now. <P> I will be pulling and praying for you. Hopfully this will be the wake up call H needs to get his act together. <P> Keep us posted.<P> jd

Hi Krystal,<P>You sound like you are reaching the acceptance stage. It does feel better and now you can make progress to benefit yourself. In time, if your WS sees this, then he to can benefit. Either way, you will benefit. <P>It takes a while for each of us to get to this stage. We often feel that we must hold on to the WS at all costs. That is not true but no matter how many times we are told this and regardless of how many different ways we are told, until we are ready to accept this, we will not stop trying. That in itself may hinder the recovery process. <P>I know that when it happened to me, H actually blamed me for his continuance out there. What?@!?!?! But I was concentrating too hard on the wrong thing. After a while, this stubborn head of mine finally realized that I needed to let go and take back the control of my life. I did not realize but being consummed with the goings on of H and OW had made them in control of my life and I needed it back. <P>Once I came to that resolution, I felt better. Yes, I backslid a bit but I am doing better today. The physical affects on me (that I allowed- not deliberately but due to ignorance) are still with me. But the resolve to have control in my life over my life is still running strong. Whether H makes it and our M recovers or not, I will survive. <P>At this time, I also realized that the WS also needed the time to come to a realization of his own. Then I gave H more time. Within reason of course. When H saw that I was ready to go on without him, well he thought twice and I got that call from OW's house with him asking to come home and OW in the background saying to 'take him, take him back L.' Music to my ears. Of course, OW was out of tune but hey, not everyone can carry a tune..... LOL!!! <P>L.

jd and orchid--<P>Thank you for your reply. It really does feel better this way. I am NOT feeling desperate anymore. That in itself feels good. I am scared a little, but I know I can do this on my own----I have been for months now.<P>I will keep you all posted on what (if anything) happens! You are all in my prayers, and thoughts daily!<P>Take care,<P>Krystal